Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Bobby Said We Could Have Your Money. He Didn't Say Anything About Your Rules

We're coming to you today from the Department of Advanced Pedagogy here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DoAP is a division of the Learn Them Kids Right Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of We Don't Even Want To Teach The Little Sluts, Inc.

A while back, in one of our more sober moments we discoursed on the ramifications of President Obama's move to give states more latitude in how they fulfilled the tenets of NCLB. As we opined at the time, "we have a bad feeling about this." Now, we weren't specifically thinking about Louisiana at the time, but, well, Bobby Jindal, you know?

A Delhi Charter School policy that prevents pregnant female students from attending school and can force them to take a pregnancy test to continue attending school if administrators "suspect" pregnancy has drawn the attention of the American Civil Liberties Union. "And if your daughter tests positive we'll ask you to put a bumper sticker on your car that says 'I have a whore at Delhi Charter School,'" said a spokesperson for the school.

When asked to explain what parameters would lead school administrators to "suspect" a female student was pregnant, Vice Principal R. Buford Maddox, Jr. explained that there would be a calendar in the Principal's office where the girls would all record their periods. "We'll give you a couple days late," Maddox said, "but after that it's pee on the stick honey."

Delhi Charter School's policy states the school seeks to maintain an environment where students will learn and exhibit acceptable character traits such as it's always the girl's fault, do as you're told, and learn that you have to be married first, but you still can't enjoy it. When asked if male students would be dismissed if they engaged in sexual activity, the spokesperson replied, "Well, you can't blame the guys because some tramp can't keep her knees together...uh...I mean a full and complete investigation will be undertaken and appropriate action determined at that time."

Students who refuse to take a pregnancy test are "treated as a pregnant student and will be offered home study opportunities which will consist of intensive study Bristol Palin's memoir My Life So Far, weekly televised lectures on marriage and family from Newt Gingrich, and a subscription to Phyllis Schlafly's monthly newsletter Learn To Hate Yourself."

"Perhaps the school was not aware of the protections under Title IX (of the Education Amendments of 1972)," Marjorie Esman, executive director of the ACLU of Louisiana said. "I am feeling a bit frustrated that maybe not all of our schools are aware of these compliance issues. I hope they will remedy this or explain why they think they have the ability to do this."

"We don't have time for all this compliance nonsense." said Vice Principal Maddox. "What do you think this is, a public school?"

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