Wednesday, January 25, 2012

An Egg Is A Chicken Fetus. You Can See The Logical Progression

We're coming to you today from the Solutions Looking for Problems Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. SLFP is a division of the Aren't You Glad You Voted For Me Now Company, in conjunction with This Is What Happens When You De-Fund Community Health Programs, Inc.

Now, usually we like to set the scene with a little introductory snippet of jocularity designed to place the item du jour in the proper context for your reading pleasure, but today we have to admit that try as we might we found no better way to say it than to just put it out there the way god put it on the page in the first place:
An Oklahoma lawmaker files a bill to ban the making and selling of food or products that use aborted human fetuses.
We'll give you a minute to let that sink it.

OK, by now your eyes have become somewhat crossed and you're feeling IQ points dripping away like water from a leaky faucet, so let us bring you back with this: That is not the stupidest thing that has ever been said by someone purporting to be sentient . The stupidest thing that has ever been said by someone purporting to be sentient is here, but we caution you, exposing yourself to two such instances of weapons grade, high energy, irradiated idiocy might just promote the growth of amyloid plaque on your brain. We recommend reading  this instead. Sort of a  calming mental cup of Camomile tea for your brain after if went over a waterfall trapped in a barrel full of moron.

Anyway, the author if this particular instance of full on, industrial strength mental vacuity is one Ralph Shortey who contends that the legislation is necessary because:
[H]e's done research and found reports that companies have used stem cells in the research and development of food.
In the interest of fair and balanced we have to say that we are not privy the the research that Mr. Shortey did, however we feel confident in saying that  whatever the resource, or resources, they did not adequately differentiate for our intrepid intellectual explorer the difference between a stem cell and a fetus.
“There is a potential that there are companies that are using aborted human babies in their research and development of basically enhancing flavor for artificial flavors," says Shortey.
We can forgive Mr. Shortey several of his shortcomings, up to and including the fact that he somehow managed to be born with opposable thumbs, but this...this is a bridge too far.  Aborted human babies enhancing flavor for artificial flavors? That's just silly. Everybody knows aborted human fetuses taste like chicken.

Also, too, Soylent Green Bitchez!!!

1 comment:

scripto said...

Evidently the secret ingredient in Pepsi is dead babies. Makes it taste sweeter. I don't know about Diet Pepsi although Coke Zero claims to have zero dead babies. I'm awaiting further instruction from USCCB.