Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Devil Went Down to Providence

Frequent reader(s) of this blog savor the sweet, sweet smell of decay in the garden of orphaned hopes...erm...we mean know that when Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal was in college, one of his after school jobs was exorcist. Now, you may think that's a trifle odd, but if you're going to be a republican who looks like Bobby Jindal, you can pretty much write off any of those wingnut welfare internships because the white guys have already hoovered them up. Well, and a couple of girls too. It's not like the republican party isn't a big tent party or anything, you know.

Anyway Steven Spielberg, or somebody got drunk and decided to produce an homage to little Bobby's run in with Beelzebub and it is well and truly weird. And that is our professional opinion as aficionados of the well and truly weird.

OK, gut reaction? Great flick. It had action, chicks and while nothing got blown up or set on fire and nobody got naked (although the Koren chick had her boobs tickled--by the Demon or Bobby, it's not clear) most of the elements of modern day cinematic excellence were there, but we have a few questions.

While it's true that the Archangel Michael curb stomped Old Ned back in the day and sent him howling off to the nether world, it seems--if you listen to just about any modern day preacher still sober enough to talk--that his guerrilla campaign since then has pretty much fought General Jesus to a standstill. So we're just wondering, given that the omniscient, omnipotent forces of right and good have been held off for lo these many millennia, how could a bunch of geeky kids with no professional training bitch slap the Prince of Darkness like that?

There also seems to be some sort of unresolved back-story here as well. Apparently little Bobby and the vessel of Satan have some sort of past together. Is this somehow related to the possession? Was the Son of Perdition trying to get at little Bobby through his girlfriend? Had the Antichrist approached Bobby directly at a previous time to tempt him over to the dark side, and failing that gone after his squeeze for revenge?

And while we're on the topic of Bobby, Amy Grant causes little Bobby to have a fap attack? Seems like Belial could have used that to his advantage, maybe promised Bobby she'd do a Playboy spread if he threw over the Lord or something.

We also have some concerns about the merry band of spiritual warriors Bobby hooked up with, we mean, there's some kinky stuff going on there man. Penis rings? Come on. He didn't learn about that while he was earning his 100% attendance certificate at Sunday school.

But as, um, as askew as this stalwart band of revelers are, they still do almost all of the heavy lifting. For most the of film Bobby's over against the wall looking like he's about to pee his pants. Hardly the image the governor of Louisiana should have.

OK, it's Louisiana, we take that back, but our point is it seems Bobby was more an onlooker here while his compatriots shooed the Tempter in Chief out of his old girlfriend.

Side note: Don't think they'll be getting back together.

Great ending though. It says the girl who shared her corporeal form with the Wicked One later became a catholic. Yep, joined Pappa Ratzi's posse.  So who really won?

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