Thursday, January 13, 2011

We Really Feel Sorry For Any Gay People With Parakeets

We're coming to you today from the If You Think That's Weird, Wait Until You Hear This Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. IYTTWWUYHT is a division of the What Have You Been Smoking Company, a wholly owned subsidy of WTF, Inc.

It seems to display his ire with the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Yahweh has been offing birds.
Well, there’s something interesting we have been watching – let’s talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We’re going to watch and see. But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage Hosea 4 and now that we’ve had the repeal of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.
Now, we aren't professional logicians or anything, but even we can see it's pretty hard to argue with that chain of reasoning.  It's the classic Aristotelian Syllogism:

Take something that happened
Add something else
Conclude that one caused the other

Plus, as we have pointed out before, sky daddy isn't the greatest shot, so smiting fowl in Arkansas is better than, say sinking Cuba, which, given this guy's track record, isn't totally out of the question.
It could be because we have said it’s okay for people who commit these kinds of acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history, there is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of the air.
 Ooo! Ooo! Let us try lady Pastor prophet Jacob, let us try:

Some birds died
Some fish died
Conclusion: god hates the Air Force and the Navy

Must not be any homos in the Army, but that leads us to another theological dilemma Reverend J. If god shows his pleasure in a particular branch of the armed forces by not killing off random animals, how is it that Navy has won the Army Navy game the last nine years in a row? Maybe the big el jefe in the sky should be whacking linebackers instead of drum fish.

2 comments:

Seeing Eye Chick said...

That's why they call it Theo-Dicey.

:P

Oooh the invisible powers that be are speaking to me--through your blog IM!--The word verification was sleazes--as in how some televangelists comport themselves from point a to point b.

Sidhe said...

Ah,

:)