Monday, March 19, 2007

When F. U. Doesn't Mean F. U. But Should

We're coming to you today from the Department of Anniversaries We Shouldn't Be Talking About But Have To Because The Emm Ess Emm Twinkydinks Won't Shut Up About It. Or as we like to call it, The Eighth Anniversary of the Friedman Unit.

Alas though, we fear that even in the midst of the celebration, some of the original crew of jaunty imperialists are, how shall we say, showing some wear around the edges. Check this out from the Secretary of Shoes:

Condoleeza Rice staunchly defended going to war in Iraq but acknowledged the Bush administration likely erred by failing consistently to send enough troops to stop a bar fight. "It worked perfectly on paper," she told reporters outside Bonwit Teller. "After that it's all Rummy's fault. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a sale."

Yes, that pesky reality. Well, the best laid plans and all of that, right Mr. president? "It can be tempting to look at the clusterf...er...the challenges in Iraq and conclude that our best option is to impeach me," Bush said. "While that may be satisfying in the short run, the consequences for American security would be devastating. Can you say president Dick Cheney?"

No argument here, but Disco Jebus on a skateboard Mr. president, don't you think that given the fact that you and your gang of cerebral homunculi have been so totally, consistently, completely, uniformly, entirely, unfluctuatingly, utterly, dependably, absolutely, reliably, unconditionally, undeviatingly, unreservedly, predictably, altogether, downright wrong with a capital W (and the rest of the letters capital for that matter), that maybe you ought to give half a listen to the folks who've been telling you that you and your gang of cerebral homunculi have been so totally, consistently, completely, uniformly, entirely, unfluctuatingly, utterly, dependably, absolutely, reliably, unconditionally, undeviatingly, unreservedly, predictably, altogether, downright wrong with a capital W (and the rest of the letters capital for that matter) for the last four years?

Four years later and after more than 3,200 deaths of U.S. servicemen and women, Rice said patience still is required and asserted anew that the Iraqis are making headway.

Yeah. Didn't think so. Did we mention that the administration seems to be wrong a lot?

Bush has repeatedly refused to set a timetable for withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq, saying such a move will depend on the magic eight ball and the ability of Iraqi security forces develop super powers. "We're thinking they need to be like the Spiderman," the president said. "With Spidey sense, they'd know if there was an insurgent anywhere within ten miles. Or the Hulk. They could be the Hulk too."

Asked on CBS's "The Early Show" to say what the administration could have done better, Secretary Rice replied, "I don't know. When we look back over time we will know the answer to that question."

And by looking back over time you mean the last four years, right?

Bush has repeatedly warned Americans that premature withdrawal from Iraq would endanger the United States by giving al Qaeda a safe haven for launching attacks on U.S. interests and allies. "If we leave Iraq, all the terrorists would relocate from their safe havens in Pakistan and will essentially be on our coast."

When told that the distance between Pakistan and the United State and Iraq and the United States was approximately the same the president replied that eh was pretty sure "you can get more flights" out of Iraq. "Everybody's leaving Iraq," the president continued. "Place is a death trap."

Bush's critics contend that the Iraq war has distracted U.S. attention and resources from the war in Afghanistan which they regard as a more important fight against Islamic militants. "Dag!" the president said when reminded of Afghanistan. "I was wondering where we could get some more troops for my surge. Somebody get me Gates on the phone."

2 comments:

George said...

I want to see Disco Jebus on a skateboard. Now.

Ironicus Maximus said...

We're pretty sure the Reverend Dobson still has the photos.And if you talk to him, tell him we want our Bong back. "Bong Hits For Jesus" man!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17648725/