Monday, September 12, 2005

You Mean I'm The President Of The Black People Too?

We think the vacationer in chief is taking a bad rap from those who are accusing him of being slow to respond to Katrina because most of the victims were black. After all, didn't he take his time responding to the September 11 attacks? Didn't he take his time getting around to meeting with families of soldiers who died in Iraq and Afghanistan?

See, when it comes to someone else's tragedy our compassionate conservative is AWOL. (That works on so many different levels, no?) But, mess with his family and you'll have some Bush all up in your grill. Well, not Bush actually, but a lot of people he can order around will come to kick your butt. Well, not kick your butt really, but hang out in your country for a really long time and make it so you can't get reliable cable.

"The storm didn't discriminate and neither will the recovery effort," Bush said. "The rescue efforts were comprehensive. The recovery will be comprehensive. Well, not 'comprehensive' actually. Spotty maybe. Or inconsistent. Maybe haphazard. Yeah, that's it."

Bush made the remarks to reporters beneath a highway overpass that had recently been cleard of refugees by the 82nd Airborne. During a tour of the devistated area Bush had to duck to avoid low-hanging electrical wires and branches. "These people sure don't take very good care of their neighborhoods," the president was heard to remark. "Is that a body over there?"

In a sign that Bush is growing fearful of the accusations, he testily replied to a reporter who asked whether he felt let down by federal officials on the ground. "Look, there will be plenty of time to play the blame game," he said. "Particular after Karl changes the rules so we can win."

"We need to make sure that this country is knitted up as well as it can be in order to deal with significant problems and disasters that could happen to white people," Bush said. "Meantime, we've got to keep moving forward because I don't want anybody thinking too much about the recent past until Karl can rewrite it."

"I know there has been a lot of second-guessing. I can assure you I'm not interested in that. What I'm interested in is avoiding blame. And there'll be time to take a step back and to take a sober look at what went right, what didn't go right. And no, that doesn't mean I was drunk when the hurricane hit."

Bush also clarified his now-criticized remark that no one had anticipated the levees being breached. He said he was referring to that "sense of relaxation in a critical moment" when many people initially thought the storm had not inflicted heavy damage on the city. When told that no one but he had felt that way, Bush replied "Oh, you mean those levees. My bad."

Bush, on a two-day visit to hurricane-affected areas, started the day with a tour of the 844-foot USS Iwo Jima, a command center for military operations. "This is a big boat," the president said. Look at all those buttons and flashing lights."

Afterwards he was given a slide show presentation, which covered the latest relief and recovery efforts in three states, which was conducted solely with words of two syllables or less.

The trip came as the White House is eager to show the president displaying hands-on, empathetic leadership in the storm effort. "Well, not exactly 'hands on'" explained White House Press Secretary Scott McCllellan. "The president has made very clear that he wants to stay away form 'those dark folks because mom says they have cooties.'"

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