What's The Hurry? All The White Folks Got Out

There is at least one measure of solace we can take in the face of the terrible tragedy that has befallen our fellow citizens along the Gulf Coast, and that is that our Federal Government under the leadership of our president, has marshaled all its forces in response.

Or maybe not.

Bush, who returned to the White House two days early from a month long Texas vacation to oversee disaster-relief efforts got a look at some of the damage earlier as Air Force One descended to less than 3,000 feet and slowed to 250 miles per hour over the hardest-hit area, particularly New Orleans.

"All the people look like ants, "Bush said. "Bring me another iced tea will you? Do you think they voted for me?" When asked why it took him so long to respond to the tragedy Bush replied that he was "jammin'" and hadn't watched the news.

"This recovery will take years," Bush said an address from the White House Rose Garden. "Especially since my administration is involved. We can screw up a hanging with a new rope. Heh heh. That's funny. Got to keep your sense of humor in times like this. Got to get on with your life. Cindy Sheehan wasn't down there was she? Dang."

In an interview on ABC's Good Morning America Bush said "I don't think anyone anticipated a breech in the levees." When asked to respond to the numerous articles and reports predicting just such an occurrence because of the withdrawal of Federal support for programs to strengthen flood control capability in the region, and to a quote by emergency management chief Walter Maestri in Jefferson Parish, who said, "It appears that the money has been moved in the president's budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq, and I suppose that's the price we pay." The president said, "Well, the people around Baghdad need flood control too. And the berms make handy hiding places for our troops. I'm a war president you know. 9/11! 9/11!"

President Bush plans to tour the flood ravaged area tomorrow because he "got back to Washington too late to get a good tee time." White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Bush will survey the Alabama and Mississippi coast by helicopter, then go on to New Orleans. "He probably won't stay long though," McClellan added. "The bars are all closed as I understand."

Bush has asked his father, former President George H.W. Bush, and former President Clinton to lead a private fund-raising campaign for victims, the White House said. "Dad's been ragging me about Iraq lately," Bush said. "This will keep him out of my hair for a while."

When asked if any international support would be coming to the region, Press Secretary Scott McClellan said there had been some response, but "There was a brown looking guy on that Canada team, so Homeland Security stopped them at the border."

Bush brushed off criticism that he did not return to Washington from his month long stay at his Texas ranch on Tuesday, in the immediate aftermath of the hurricane. Upon returning Wednesday, he held a meeting with top government officials guiding RNC fund raising and made remarks in the Rose Garden. "They told me this is all the homo's fault," Bush said. "So I didn't hurry because I didn't want Jesus to think I was a little light in the wrist if you get my drift."