Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Don't Blame Me, I Just Work Here

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's A plane! No, it's the George Orwell Memorial Don't Look Over There Just Listen Photo Of The Day:

When we were young and immature (as opposed to being older and immature) and we got in trouble we used to blame everything on our invisible friend, Sniggles. As you may imagine this strained our relationship with Sniggles and eventually we drifted apart.

While we haven't spoken in years we're hoping that if Sniggles is reading this blog, he will contact Michael Brown who blamed the Louisiana governor, the New Orleans mayor, the weather channel, the nineteenth amendment, porno sites on the internet and even the Bush White House that appointed him for the dismal response to Hurricane Katrina. "Look, George Tenet got a medal for a screw up that helped start a war and I'm getting nothing but grief because a lousy hurricane blew over a few houses, that's all I'm saying."

Brown testified before a special congressional committee set up by House Republican leaders to distract the public from the government's mishandling of one of the most powerful hurricanes to ever hit the Gulf Coast.

So I guess you want me to be the super hero, to step in there and take everyone out of New Orleans. Well, I'm not a super hero," Brown said, tears welling up. "I'm just a man. A man who likes ponies."

Brown said FEMA had gotten a bum rap because many people incorrectly believe it serves as something of a federal rapid-response force. "FEMA is a coordinating agency, we are not a law enforcement agency," he said. "I'm not sure what that has to do with this hearing, since we neither coordinated, nor enforced any laws during or after Katrina, but Karl Rove told me to say it."

"It is inherently impractical, totally impractical, for the federal government to respond to every disaster of whatever size in every community across the country," Brown said. "And quite frankly, a category five hurricane just doesn't make our radar screen."

White House spokesman Scott McClellan urged Congress to undertake "a thorough investigation of what went wrong and what went right and look at lessons learned." Democrats, want an independent investigation not under the control of majority Republicans. "Did I say 'thorough'?" McClellan responded. "What I meant was scattershot. How about preordained? That's good. Show? Show investigation. Yeah. Toothless? Really. We need that.
What's the forecast? Can we make it to the end of the term?"

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