I'm A Multitasker, Not A Divider

Oh yeah. That's what we're talking about. Look out Katrina aftermath, the president is in da house. But don't think that just because he's down on the bayou making sure no photographer is disappointed that he isn't also taking care of his other presidenteristical duties.

"I can do more than one thing at one time," the president assured Monday. "One time I balanced a beer between my legs, lit up a dobie and drove home without spilling a drop or missing a toke. Wait, that probably isn't a good example."

"By the time I'm finished (being) president, I hope you'll realize that the government can screw up more than one thing at one time and individuals in the government can't find their butts with both hands," Bush told reporters Monday as he wrapped up photo ops in New Orleans and Gulfport, Mississippi. "If I'm focusing on the hurricane, I've got the capacity to focus on foreign policy and vice versa. So we're going to help all those Chinese citizens devastated by the storm while controlling cheap textile imports from Biloxi.""

As Bush was preparing to leave Tuesday for the United Nations, the White House announced that he will address the nation Thursday in his first prime-time obfuscation since the Hurricane Katrina disaster. "People need to know they are going to get service from the federal government," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "Sure it's just lip service, but you go with the president you have, not the president you wish you had."

For the first time since the terrorist attacks on the U.S. four years ago, a majority of Americans said it is more important for the president to focus on domestic policy than the war on terrorism. "Look, we understand how seeing thousands of your fellow countrymen become homeless, destitute abandoned refugees in their own country can be distracting," McClellan said. "But remember, terrorists hate the benefits of freedom whites enjoy...I mean we enjoy...we enjoy. Oh, crap. 9/11! 9/11!."

The president said he'll be in "constant touch" with hurricane recovery teams during his two-day trip to the United Nations. "Jenna got me one of those Blackberry things," Bush said. "I'll be checking it regularly as soon as I figure out where to put the batteries in."