We Don't Recommend Mountain Climbing In This Neighborhood

We admit to being city folk here in the marbled halls of IM Central, so what we know about farm life could probably fit on the head of a pin and leave the angels room to dance, but this just can't be right.

What must property values be like around there? Oh look Martha, we have a view of the mountains out our back window. And look at the fog around it. Just like the smoky mountains back home. Um...that's not a mountain Harold.

What do the neighbors talk about with this guy? Well Dave, I see your 2,000 ton pile of cow manure is glowing quite brightly today. Yeah, Bob, we haven't had to turn the furnace on all winter.

And pity the poor firemen. Talk about fighting fire with fire. How do you extinguish a fire on a poop pile? By burying it in poop. That has got to be the punch line of some sort of joke.

All in all, we'll take our chances with the occasional dog tootsie roll hidden in the grass at the local park.