Don't Make Me Use This Thing

Ah, school days. Passing notes, shoving little Eddie Debeviak into his locker, throwing spit balls, shooting rubber bands into Elizabeth Arlen's poofy hair. Who knew that was a felony?

Apparently not13 year old Robert Gomez who finds himself neck deep in the criminal justice system because he "tossed" a rubber band on his teacher's desk. "Tossed?" Robbie, baby, you need some technique. We prefer the index finger pull back ourselves, but the modified thumb and forefinger release also has its advantages.

Apparently Gomez's lack of knowledge of rubber band release technology averted a tragedy, but ever vigilant, the school slapped him with a 10-day suspension for threatening his teacher with what administrators say was a weapon. Well, no wonder. People can go into a Staples and buy whole boxes of rubber bands without even so much as showing their driver's license. It was only a matter of time before one of those things got into the wrong hands. Just remember folks, rubber bands don't kill people. People kill people.

They said if he would have aimed it a little more to the left, actually tried to shoot it rather than toss it, and if he would have gotten it closer to the teacher's face, and if she would have sat perfectly still, or maybe leaned a little closer, and maybe let him try a couple of times too, he would have hit her in the eye. If she had taken her glasses off.

Gomez is being punished for a Level 4 offense -- the highest Level at the school. Other violations that also receive level 4 punishment include arson, assault and battery, bomb threats and explosives, pulling Jenny Waker's hair at recess, and calling the gym teacher gay, according to the Code of Student Conduct.

"We don't sit still for any of the street punk action here," said Principal Waylon Bitteroot Jr., "and it's not because he's Mexican either. He'll get a fair hearing before the Board. Just like the colored kid did. What was his name? Used to go here a year or so ago. Got caught with a whole box of paper clips in his desk."