Tuesday, February 08, 2005

You Can Trust Me. I'm The President

Here in the Marbled Halls, we are gaining a new found respect for our Commander in Chief. The inauguration speech featured a WWF style smack down between the words "freedom" and "liberty" as brought to unsuspecting third world countries by our determined and resolute military. (For those of you interested, "freedom" won on points. Expect a rematch)

Then the evening was a veritable orgy of praise for our men and women in uniform. A ball was even named for them, although as far as we know, no passes were issued in Baghdad for anyone to come. And now that we think of it, perhaps orgy isn't the right word to use when describing this particular set of partygoers. Well, there's always these guys.

But back to the point. The Cheerleader in Chief has made a cottage industry out of praising the manly men (and, umm...we guess womenly women) who are out traipsing through other people's countries blowing things up in the name of "freedom" and his faithful sidekick (and comic relief) "liberty."

So why does that bring the First Teetotaler into the Circle of the Admired here in IM Central? Simply this: as President Virtue flings himself about the country laying it on for the folks with sons and daughters, husband and wives slogging through the sand, back home in Washington, his minions are busily at work, hacking away at Veteran's benefits.

See, this is the philosophy that got us through high school: Say what people want to hear; do what you want; try not to get caught. But the Righteous One goes even one step further. When he does get caught he just refuses to admit it and goes on as if nothing had changed. If only we'd thought of that for those pesky algebra homework assignments, we'd have had to spend a lot less time in detention.

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