You think your job is futile? Check this out.
Representative Shelley Sekula Gibbs skipped freshman orientation, but the new lawmaker had a good excuse: She's in a class by herself. The Texas Republican will be gone by the time the new 110th Congress is sworn in January 3. She won a special election to fill out the remaining term of former House majority leader Tom DeLay. "I figure I can get to one, maybe two fundraisers," she said. "And maybe a golf outing or two. What's the cab fare to K street?"
For her seven weeks on the congressional payroll, she'll earn more than $22,000. "Well, that is if you don't count the...er...intangibles," said an aide.
Sekula Gibbs isn't planning to find more permanent housing in the Washington area than the hotel she's in. "Hey, they got the great room service," she said. "Besides I have a tradition to uphold.
Sekula Gibbs, wearing a congressional pin on her red suit, greeted a few well-wishers, Texas lawmakers and at least one lobbyist one floor down in DeLay's old office. "Well, the lobbyist was here when I came in," she told reporters. "His office is right next door."
"I'm looking forward to rolling up my sleeves and getting to work," Sekula Gibbs said. "I have a short time to get my piece of the corporate pie...er...I mean do a big job for the people of my district, you know, the ones who didn't elect me. They're my chief concern."
The congresswoman cast three votes on the House floor, including a "yea" for a bill on normalizing trade with Vietnam that failed. When asked when she had time to study the proposals she had voted on she replied, "Voted? Is that what I did? I thought it was bingo or something. You know, an ice breaker for all the new people."
Chris Bowlin, a lobbyist for the American Medical Association, stopped by to welcome Sekula Gibbs. "We're thrilled to have her," he said. "Well, I don't mean we 'have' her. At least not yet."
Representative Kevin Brady, R-non-indicted, said Sekula Gibbs "can demonstrate her philosophy" by building a voting record, even a short one, to challenge democrat Nick Lampson who won the election in 2008. "But truth be told, she was just a sop we had to throw on the ticket because Tom screwed the pooch with the timing of his resignation," Brady said. "By the time 2008 rolls around I'm sure Tom will have found someone to run who more closely represents him...er...the voters of his district."
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
What Do You Mean You Couldn't Finish Your Homework Because You Had To Take Your Nap?
Well, it's about time we got some accountability into our educational system. It's been satisfied too long with turning out students like...well...us. We've long felt (since right after we were paroled from the educorporate training centers) that kids have been getting away with...um...being kids for too long. Time to grow up Billy and Betty and don't give me any of that happy face, Sesame Street, let's learn our numbers nonsense either. This is real school, punk.
Kindergartners in Mobile County's public schools may not yet know all of their ABC's, but now the students are required to receive actual letter grades in every subject almost weekly. "They were just enjoying themselves too much," school system officials said. "I mean you'd walk by those classrooms and there'd be reading circles and learning games and all sorts of things going on. That's not school. Heck, most of the kids weren't even in their seats."
Vivian Schultz, who has been teaching kindergarten for 24 years and has some concerns with the new grading policy. Schultz and some other kindergarten teachers have voiced frustration over the new requirements, pointing out that these same kids are just now learning to sit still during class and to tie their shoes.
"Right. Which is why we're grading it," responded Delbert Dingman, assistant superintendent for educational adultification, standardization and marginalization. "Lord knows kids won't do it if it's just fun. There has to be a grade attached so kids who aren't as good can learn that early on and start planning their career at Walmart."
Because teachers must often post the grades online, parents are able to keep up with how well their children are performing. "I know my kid pees his pants when he gets excited at home," said one parent. "Do I really need to know he does that in school too. And only gets a C- for it?"
Mobile County Public School System officials said they derived the new rules for grading kindergartners from the torture policy adopted by the Bush administration. "We just want kids to learn early on that life sucks and then you die," said one school board member. "Heck, my childhood was one big trauma. Why should theirs be any different."
Students now must take a test or receive some kind of other major grade almost weekly in five key subjects: reading, language, math, science and social studies. "It's pretty tough on the kids who can't read yet," said Dingman. "But that's what grades are supposed to show."
Kindergartners in Mobile County's public schools may not yet know all of their ABC's, but now the students are required to receive actual letter grades in every subject almost weekly. "They were just enjoying themselves too much," school system officials said. "I mean you'd walk by those classrooms and there'd be reading circles and learning games and all sorts of things going on. That's not school. Heck, most of the kids weren't even in their seats."
Vivian Schultz, who has been teaching kindergarten for 24 years and has some concerns with the new grading policy. Schultz and some other kindergarten teachers have voiced frustration over the new requirements, pointing out that these same kids are just now learning to sit still during class and to tie their shoes.
"Right. Which is why we're grading it," responded Delbert Dingman, assistant superintendent for educational adultification, standardization and marginalization. "Lord knows kids won't do it if it's just fun. There has to be a grade attached so kids who aren't as good can learn that early on and start planning their career at Walmart."
Because teachers must often post the grades online, parents are able to keep up with how well their children are performing. "I know my kid pees his pants when he gets excited at home," said one parent. "Do I really need to know he does that in school too. And only gets a C- for it?"
Mobile County Public School System officials said they derived the new rules for grading kindergartners from the torture policy adopted by the Bush administration. "We just want kids to learn early on that life sucks and then you die," said one school board member. "Heck, my childhood was one big trauma. Why should theirs be any different."
Students now must take a test or receive some kind of other major grade almost weekly in five key subjects: reading, language, math, science and social studies. "It's pretty tough on the kids who can't read yet," said Dingman. "But that's what grades are supposed to show."
Monday, November 13, 2006
Daddy Never Lets Me Do Anything By Myself
Ah, nothing like a little eat your own post election house cleaning is there? Rummy, hit the road. Rovester, don't buy anything on time. Dicky boy, that ticker's acting up on you is it? Maybe a nice long rest in, say Outtasightistan is the thing for you. And even the old head master hasn't gotten off completely unscathed.
President Bush met with a bipartisan group because his daddy made him seek consensus on a new approach for the war in Iraq amid widespread agreement that the administration's current efforts have not worked well enough or fast enough.
Ya think?
White House press secretary Tony Snowjob described the meeting as a conversation, except the part where Bush had to shut up and listen. "This is not a deposition," Snowjob said. "That'll come later, right before the president flees to Paraguay."
"The president looks forward to sharing his thoughts with the Iraq Study Group," said Gordon Johndroe, spokesman for the National Security Council, on Sunday. "We figure that'll take about two minutes, unless someone distracts him with a shiny object. Then all bets are off."
Bush talked in the Oval Office with members of the Iraq Study Group, headed by people who have an actual connection to the real world. "I look forward to hearing the perspectives of people from the Study Group," he told reporters. "Of course I"ll be heavily medicated at the time, so I"m not sure how much I'll remember."
The study group was spending the day at the White House speaking with members of Bush's national security team. "We'll spend most of the day helping them get their passports and resumes in order," said an aide to Iraq Study Group, head, former Secretary of State James A. Baker. "But if they ask us we'll explain why when you start a war you're supposed to win it."
Meanwhile, General John Abizaid, head of the U.S. Central Command, met with the Iraqi prime minister to "reaffirm President Bush's commitment" to success in Iraq, the government said. "And by 'success' I mean Thursday," Abiziad added.
The study group, which is co-chaired by former Democratic Rep. Lee Hamilton of Indiana, was to meet not only with Bush, but also with Vice President Dick Cheney and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley. "They've all gone on a field trip to the zoo," said a spokesperson for vice president Cheney. "So we'll reschedule sometime after hell freezes over."
Talks were set separately with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, National Intelligence Director John Negroponte and CIA Director Michael Hayden. "Yeah. Like I'm going to give a rat's patootie about their ideas now," Rumsfeld said. "Besides, Monday is Condi's shopping day."
"We clearly need a fresh approach," said Josh Bolten, Bush's chief of staff, making the rounds of morning talk shows. "Boy, these guys really pick up on the little nuances, don't they?" asked Senator Carl Levin incoming chairman of the Armed Services Committee.
Baker has indicated the recommendations will fall somewhere between the troop withdrawal strategy that Republicans like to say Democrats favor and the stay the course policy until recently used by Bush and widely ridiculed by Democrats. "We're really hoping for the success of our negotiations with the Pleiadians," he said. "If we can get our hands on their freeze ray technology, we're golden."
President Bush met with a bipartisan group because his daddy made him seek consensus on a new approach for the war in Iraq amid widespread agreement that the administration's current efforts have not worked well enough or fast enough.
Ya think?
White House press secretary Tony Snowjob described the meeting as a conversation, except the part where Bush had to shut up and listen. "This is not a deposition," Snowjob said. "That'll come later, right before the president flees to Paraguay."
"The president looks forward to sharing his thoughts with the Iraq Study Group," said Gordon Johndroe, spokesman for the National Security Council, on Sunday. "We figure that'll take about two minutes, unless someone distracts him with a shiny object. Then all bets are off."
Bush talked in the Oval Office with members of the Iraq Study Group, headed by people who have an actual connection to the real world. "I look forward to hearing the perspectives of people from the Study Group," he told reporters. "Of course I"ll be heavily medicated at the time, so I"m not sure how much I'll remember."
The study group was spending the day at the White House speaking with members of Bush's national security team. "We'll spend most of the day helping them get their passports and resumes in order," said an aide to Iraq Study Group, head, former Secretary of State James A. Baker. "But if they ask us we'll explain why when you start a war you're supposed to win it."
Meanwhile, General John Abizaid, head of the U.S. Central Command, met with the Iraqi prime minister to "reaffirm President Bush's commitment" to success in Iraq, the government said. "And by 'success' I mean Thursday," Abiziad added.
The study group, which is co-chaired by former Democratic Rep. Lee Hamilton of Indiana, was to meet not only with Bush, but also with Vice President Dick Cheney and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley. "They've all gone on a field trip to the zoo," said a spokesperson for vice president Cheney. "So we'll reschedule sometime after hell freezes over."
Talks were set separately with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, National Intelligence Director John Negroponte and CIA Director Michael Hayden. "Yeah. Like I'm going to give a rat's patootie about their ideas now," Rumsfeld said. "Besides, Monday is Condi's shopping day."
"We clearly need a fresh approach," said Josh Bolten, Bush's chief of staff, making the rounds of morning talk shows. "Boy, these guys really pick up on the little nuances, don't they?" asked Senator Carl Levin incoming chairman of the Armed Services Committee.
Baker has indicated the recommendations will fall somewhere between the troop withdrawal strategy that Republicans like to say Democrats favor and the stay the course policy until recently used by Bush and widely ridiculed by Democrats. "We're really hoping for the success of our negotiations with the Pleiadians," he said. "If we can get our hands on their freeze ray technology, we're golden."
Friday, November 10, 2006
Friday Hound Blogging
Great Googley Moogley what a week, huh? The left wing of the Corporate party takes over from the right wing of the Corporate party, the president lies to us and it's not even news, and Britney dumps...uh...dumps...that guy...what was his name again?
It's a wonder the world can still turn.
Truth be told though, this week has about Stoli'd us out, so rather than dig around to see what the overlords have been up to, we decided to pay another visit to those Lex Luthers of crime down in Mobile and see how their little scheme to bilk the rubes out of enough money to buy a house that doesn't have wheels is going.
Michael Dangelo Varner, was arrested on a warrant issued last month, charging him with transmitting racing information for illegal gambling purposes in connection with race-fixing at Mobile Greyhound Park, authorities said. Varner, 26, was being held at Mobile County Metro Jail in lieu of $5,000 bail.
Apparently it's not turning out as well as they'd hoped. But did they get the whole gang, or are there still criminal masterminds loose?
Varner -- along with 12 other people, including three racetrack employees -- was charged in connection with the alleged race-fixing, according to a news release from the Mobile County District Attorney's Office.
Ouch, but the plot was so well thought out, so meticulously planned, so expertly carried out. What could have possibly gone wrong?
The news release said, "Suspicious betting patterns and noticeably poor performance by the drugged greyhounds alerted racing authorities."
Curses! Foiled by "suspicious betting patterns!" If only they could have done it without betting!
Well, under Alabama law, transmitting racing information for illegal gambling purposes is a Class C felony, punishable by a year and a day to 10 years in prison, so they'll have plenty of time to plan their next caper. Maybe something along the lines of seaside property in Arizona, eh Hammertime?
Hammertime is very laid back, confident, and calm. He is very affectionate and loves attention from everyone. He will approach and put his head on your lap or in your hand. He will lay on his back with his feet in the air in the greyhound “cockroach” position. Hammer would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children. He would need a home that has another dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
It's a wonder the world can still turn.
Truth be told though, this week has about Stoli'd us out, so rather than dig around to see what the overlords have been up to, we decided to pay another visit to those Lex Luthers of crime down in Mobile and see how their little scheme to bilk the rubes out of enough money to buy a house that doesn't have wheels is going.
Michael Dangelo Varner, was arrested on a warrant issued last month, charging him with transmitting racing information for illegal gambling purposes in connection with race-fixing at Mobile Greyhound Park, authorities said. Varner, 26, was being held at Mobile County Metro Jail in lieu of $5,000 bail.
Apparently it's not turning out as well as they'd hoped. But did they get the whole gang, or are there still criminal masterminds loose?
Varner -- along with 12 other people, including three racetrack employees -- was charged in connection with the alleged race-fixing, according to a news release from the Mobile County District Attorney's Office.
Ouch, but the plot was so well thought out, so meticulously planned, so expertly carried out. What could have possibly gone wrong?
The news release said, "Suspicious betting patterns and noticeably poor performance by the drugged greyhounds alerted racing authorities."
Curses! Foiled by "suspicious betting patterns!" If only they could have done it without betting!
Well, under Alabama law, transmitting racing information for illegal gambling purposes is a Class C felony, punishable by a year and a day to 10 years in prison, so they'll have plenty of time to plan their next caper. Maybe something along the lines of seaside property in Arizona, eh Hammertime?
Hammertime is very laid back, confident, and calm. He is very affectionate and loves attention from everyone. He will approach and put his head on your lap or in your hand. He will lay on his back with his feet in the air in the greyhound “cockroach” position. Hammer would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children. He would need a home that has another dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The Election Is Dead. Long Live The Election
Democratic Governor Tom Vilsack of Iowa took the initial step in his long-shot bid for the White House Thursday, establishing a presidential campaign committee and seeking an early jump on 2008.
Who?
"Americans sent a clear message on Tuesday. They want leaders who will take this country in a new direction," Vilsack, Iowa's two-term governor, said in a statement. "And I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Iowa fer chrissakes. I mean, how many different kinds of corn can you look at before you go completely howl at the moon bonkers?"
Although the favorite son in the early voting state, the Democratic governor has trailed the other potential candidates in early polling. "Wait, You mean there are other people running for president too?" Vilsak asked reporters. "Dang. I have got to get out more often."
Vilsack is the first Democrat to make a formal declaration for the presidency. Likewise, Representative Duncan Hunter of California is the only announced candidate on the Republican side. "I believe this country needs more war," Hunter told supporters at his announcement rally. "And I'm just the man to bring it to them. Besides, I think I'm the only Republican who'll be out of jail in 2008."
Vilsack said he will also announce his candidacy in New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Nevada and South Carolina. "Those are the only states I know how to get to right now," Vilsack said. "But my wife bought a map the other day, so we should be able to get to the rest of the states by primary season."
Vilsack said in his statement that he plans a "Gala Celebration of American Community" on December 2 in Des Moines as his initial fundraising event. "We figure to take in two, three hundred dollars in Des Moines," an aide to Vilsack said. "Then its off to Ottumwa for the really big bucks."
Who?
"Americans sent a clear message on Tuesday. They want leaders who will take this country in a new direction," Vilsack, Iowa's two-term governor, said in a statement. "And I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Iowa fer chrissakes. I mean, how many different kinds of corn can you look at before you go completely howl at the moon bonkers?"
Although the favorite son in the early voting state, the Democratic governor has trailed the other potential candidates in early polling. "Wait, You mean there are other people running for president too?" Vilsak asked reporters. "Dang. I have got to get out more often."
Vilsack is the first Democrat to make a formal declaration for the presidency. Likewise, Representative Duncan Hunter of California is the only announced candidate on the Republican side. "I believe this country needs more war," Hunter told supporters at his announcement rally. "And I'm just the man to bring it to them. Besides, I think I'm the only Republican who'll be out of jail in 2008."
Vilsack said he will also announce his candidacy in New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Nevada and South Carolina. "Those are the only states I know how to get to right now," Vilsack said. "But my wife bought a map the other day, so we should be able to get to the rest of the states by primary season."
Vilsack said in his statement that he plans a "Gala Celebration of American Community" on December 2 in Des Moines as his initial fundraising event. "We figure to take in two, three hundred dollars in Des Moines," an aide to Vilsack said. "Then its off to Ottumwa for the really big bucks."
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Come In To My Parlor, Said The Spider to The Fly
So, after six years of calling the democrats cowards, idiots, and terrorist loving retards the president is now happy to engage in a little bipartisanship now that they opened up a can a whupass on him.
Yeah. We believe that.
Bush woke up to a new balance of power in Washington, picked up the phone and invited House speaker-in-waiting Nancy Pelosi to go hunting with vice president Cheney. "They had a very good conversation. He congratulated her on their wins," deputy White House press secretary Dana Perino said. "Then he went in the bathroom and he's been there ever since."
Bush also called a handful of other lawmakers and invited Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois, the No. 2 Senate Democrat, to take a flying leap off a rolling donut. "The president is such a kidder," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "We know the democrats are going to realize the last six years were all in good fun, and those investigations and inquiries aren't really necessary."
Recently, Bush dismissed the possibility that Pelosi could become speaker of the House, saying in an interview "That's not going to happen." He set a more conciliatory tone in his call to Pelosi. "I told her I'm drunk or high most of the time," Bush said. "She said she had suspected that for a long time."
Before calling Pelosi, Bush called House Speaker Dennis Hastert. "I asked him if he had resumes out," Bush told reporters. "He said he was looking into becoming the executive director of the Boy Scouts."
Bush also tried to call retiring Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist; Kentucky Sen. Mitch McConnell the No. 2 Republican leader in the Senate; House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio; House Majority Whip Roy Blunt, R-Mo. but they had already left for Paraguay.
Yeah. We believe that.
Bush woke up to a new balance of power in Washington, picked up the phone and invited House speaker-in-waiting Nancy Pelosi to go hunting with vice president Cheney. "They had a very good conversation. He congratulated her on their wins," deputy White House press secretary Dana Perino said. "Then he went in the bathroom and he's been there ever since."
Bush also called a handful of other lawmakers and invited Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois, the No. 2 Senate Democrat, to take a flying leap off a rolling donut. "The president is such a kidder," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "We know the democrats are going to realize the last six years were all in good fun, and those investigations and inquiries aren't really necessary."
Recently, Bush dismissed the possibility that Pelosi could become speaker of the House, saying in an interview "That's not going to happen." He set a more conciliatory tone in his call to Pelosi. "I told her I'm drunk or high most of the time," Bush said. "She said she had suspected that for a long time."
Before calling Pelosi, Bush called House Speaker Dennis Hastert. "I asked him if he had resumes out," Bush told reporters. "He said he was looking into becoming the executive director of the Boy Scouts."
Bush also tried to call retiring Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist; Kentucky Sen. Mitch McConnell the No. 2 Republican leader in the Senate; House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio; House Majority Whip Roy Blunt, R-Mo. but they had already left for Paraguay.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
You Ain't Straight Until Inspector 12 Says You're Straight
Oh, yeah. This is a good idea.
Focus on the Family founder James Dobson will be one of the people overseeing counseling for the Reverend Ted Haggard, the evangelical pastor who was fired amid allegations of gay sex and drug use, a senior official of Dobson's organization said. "We're all concerned that the Reverend Haggard has caught Teh Gay," said a spokesman for Focus on the Family. "But we're sure a few showers with Dr. Dobson will set him straight. No pun intended."
The counseling process, called restoration, could take years, said H.B. London, vice president for church and clergy. "Our first job is to get him out of his contract with Ask A Gay Man."
Haggard was forced out as senior pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs on Saturday after a former male escort alleged they had sex repeatedly and that Haggard sometimes was on methamphetamines during their trysts. "Man, you should have heard him run through the commandments when he was speeding," the male prostitute said. "I think he may have added a couple like Thou Shalt Not bogart the pipe and Thou Shalt have a ready supply of KY, but mostly he stuck to the script."
Dobson will join pastor Jack Hayford of The Church on the Way in Van Nuys, Calif. and the pastor Tommy Barnett of First Assembly of God in Phoenix in overseeing Haggard, according to a letter from Haggard. "We're going to start off with Deja Vu," Hayford said. "Then a weekend of watching football followed by a monster truck pull. After that we'll make an initial evaluation of his condition."
"Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for my life, my marriage and my family," Haggard wrote. "And if that doesn't work they plan to beat Teh Gay out of me."
Focus on the Family founder James Dobson will be one of the people overseeing counseling for the Reverend Ted Haggard, the evangelical pastor who was fired amid allegations of gay sex and drug use, a senior official of Dobson's organization said. "We're all concerned that the Reverend Haggard has caught Teh Gay," said a spokesman for Focus on the Family. "But we're sure a few showers with Dr. Dobson will set him straight. No pun intended."
The counseling process, called restoration, could take years, said H.B. London, vice president for church and clergy. "Our first job is to get him out of his contract with Ask A Gay Man."
Haggard was forced out as senior pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs on Saturday after a former male escort alleged they had sex repeatedly and that Haggard sometimes was on methamphetamines during their trysts. "Man, you should have heard him run through the commandments when he was speeding," the male prostitute said. "I think he may have added a couple like Thou Shalt Not bogart the pipe and Thou Shalt have a ready supply of KY, but mostly he stuck to the script."
Dobson will join pastor Jack Hayford of The Church on the Way in Van Nuys, Calif. and the pastor Tommy Barnett of First Assembly of God in Phoenix in overseeing Haggard, according to a letter from Haggard. "We're going to start off with Deja Vu," Hayford said. "Then a weekend of watching football followed by a monster truck pull. After that we'll make an initial evaluation of his condition."
"Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for my life, my marriage and my family," Haggard wrote. "And if that doesn't work they plan to beat Teh Gay out of me."
Monday, November 06, 2006
You Think Jesus Would Fly Coach? Why Should I?
Well, it looks like Cheney is going to let us have an election (just be careful how you vote, or you could be an enemy combatant) so we'd like to offer our advice to those of you seeking wise guidance, deep analysis and measured judgment:
Don't come here looking for wise guidance, deep analysis and measured judgment, we like this guy.
Voters should oust congressional republican leaders because U.S. foreign policy is delaying the second coming of Jesus Christ, according to Houston-based preacher K.A. Paul. "Jesus has his bags packed and he's waiting on the glory train," Paul said. "But republicans won't let it out of the station."
The preacher said he believes that the Bush administration has delayed the second coming because U.S. foreign policy has blocked Christian missionaries from further destabilising Iraq, Iran and Syria. "While I'm encouraged by what the republicans were able to do in Iraq," he said. "It's not enough. We need to bring the same sort of evangelicalism to the whole middle east. Jesus is counting on us to kick Allah's butt."
At just over 5 feet tall, the charismatic man in a beige three-piece suit trimmed with sparkles is the latest - and perhaps the most flamboyant - voice in the debate this fall over religion and politics.
Trimmed in sparkles? OK, maybe we need to rethink...ah, what the heck, can't be any worse than Haggard.
Paul, who claimed to support conservative political leaders in the past, is launching "a crusade to save America from the wrath of God and republicans abusing their power," according to his press materials. Well, not the republicans so much since they're bankrolling the pastor," an aide told reporters, "But I got to tell you God ain't so happy with the homos, at least the ones that aren't staying in the closet where they belong."
"God is mad at this country," Paul told the congregation. He described the war in Iraq as "unnecessary genocide. It's unnecessary because they're all killing one another to prove who the better Muslim is when they should be dying for Christ," Paul said. "God isn't going to put up with such a waste of potential believers much longer."
Paul runs a group called Global Peace Initiative, based in Houston, and a ministry outgrowth called Gospel to the Unwashed Millions. Critics accuse the group of sinking cash into refurbishing and operating a Boeing 747 he calls Global Peace One. "Hey, when there is sin on the Riviera, we need to be there," said an aide. "If there's blasphemy on the Cote' del Sol we can't wait for the regular airlines, and when VooDoo makes a comeback in the Caribbean--which seems to happen every winter--we drop everything and go."
It's unclear how far this tour will go. Paul on Sunday didn't have a firm list of the cities he'll visit before Nov. 7. "Isn't Fiji having an election too?" and aide asked.
Don't come here looking for wise guidance, deep analysis and measured judgment, we like this guy.
Voters should oust congressional republican leaders because U.S. foreign policy is delaying the second coming of Jesus Christ, according to Houston-based preacher K.A. Paul. "Jesus has his bags packed and he's waiting on the glory train," Paul said. "But republicans won't let it out of the station."
The preacher said he believes that the Bush administration has delayed the second coming because U.S. foreign policy has blocked Christian missionaries from further destabilising Iraq, Iran and Syria. "While I'm encouraged by what the republicans were able to do in Iraq," he said. "It's not enough. We need to bring the same sort of evangelicalism to the whole middle east. Jesus is counting on us to kick Allah's butt."
At just over 5 feet tall, the charismatic man in a beige three-piece suit trimmed with sparkles is the latest - and perhaps the most flamboyant - voice in the debate this fall over religion and politics.
Trimmed in sparkles? OK, maybe we need to rethink...ah, what the heck, can't be any worse than Haggard.
Paul, who claimed to support conservative political leaders in the past, is launching "a crusade to save America from the wrath of God and republicans abusing their power," according to his press materials. Well, not the republicans so much since they're bankrolling the pastor," an aide told reporters, "But I got to tell you God ain't so happy with the homos, at least the ones that aren't staying in the closet where they belong."
"God is mad at this country," Paul told the congregation. He described the war in Iraq as "unnecessary genocide. It's unnecessary because they're all killing one another to prove who the better Muslim is when they should be dying for Christ," Paul said. "God isn't going to put up with such a waste of potential believers much longer."
Paul runs a group called Global Peace Initiative, based in Houston, and a ministry outgrowth called Gospel to the Unwashed Millions. Critics accuse the group of sinking cash into refurbishing and operating a Boeing 747 he calls Global Peace One. "Hey, when there is sin on the Riviera, we need to be there," said an aide. "If there's blasphemy on the Cote' del Sol we can't wait for the regular airlines, and when VooDoo makes a comeback in the Caribbean--which seems to happen every winter--we drop everything and go."
It's unclear how far this tour will go. Paul on Sunday didn't have a firm list of the cities he'll visit before Nov. 7. "Isn't Fiji having an election too?" and aide asked.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Friday Hound Blogging
OK look, there are a lot of things it takes to be an overlord, but teeth and math skills aren't among them. Just ask Richard Favreau.
A Colorado dog handler says he's not to blame for dozens of missing greyhounds. Tucson greyhound park paid him to find new homes for nearly two hundred retired racing dogs but a greyhound rescue group says it can only account for eight of the dogs. "Eight, 200, tomato tomahto," Favreau said. "What am I a bank or something? I can barely count past 20."
The Arizona Department of Racing slapped Favreau with a thousand dollar fine and suspended his racing license for two months for violating record keeping and welfare regulations. "How was I supposed to know you were supposed to keep track of the units," Favreau asked reporters. "I mean they were done racing. They weren't gonna make any more money for anyone."
Just as greyhounds race in circles around a track so do the accusations against Favreau. He's at the center of an investigation into the well-being of at least 150 dogs, "it's really frustrating, because it's a bunch of allegations that aren't true," he said from his home in Colorado. "At least I don't think they're true. Truth be told I tend to drink a little. sometimes I wake up in cities and I don't remember how I got there."
Some speculate Favreau sold the dogs to a research lab, "I do only because he's done it before," says Karyn Zoldan a member of Arizona Greyhound Rescue. She's referring to a July 1998 incident when the Colorado Racing Commission suspended Favreau's license for giving greyhounds to Colorado State University without the knowledge of the registered owners.
When asked how Favreau could be given dogs if his license was suspended Zoldan replied that it had only been suspended for a short period of time. "It's not like I did anything wrong," Favreau said. "Well, OK I did do something wrong, but nobody really cares, so a slap on the wrist and I'm back in business."
Yeah. Well, there are a few of us who might disagree with that, right Illusion?
Illusion is very affectionate. She loves to be loved. She is very friendly. She is recovering from a broken leg and has a cast which should be removed mid-November. When she relieves herself, she gets excited and turns in circles as if she is ready to play – she is walked on lead to relieve, while her leg heals. She is very playful and enjoys playing with toys in the home. She is a “nester” and likes to bunch up her bedding blankets. She follows her foster mom around the house. Illusion would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 6 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog with a family that will play with her regularly. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
PS: I 'd like to step out of character here and just say something about this. I make fun of the owners and breeders because that's the only way I can get my mind around the unspeakable cruelty, inhumane disregard and cold calculation with which the dogs are treated. Truth of the matter is, these dogs are probably dead. If they're lucky they've been sold to research and through the efforts of people like Susan Netboy of the Greyhound Protection League a few will be rescued. Having worked in greyhound rescue for over ten years now though, while I hope for a good outcome, experience has taught me to expect the worst. The people who make their living off the backs of these wonderful dogs and then toss them away like yesterday's news deserve their own spot in one of the deepest corners of hell.
PPS: Let's end on a happy note though, and do two hounds this week. Whadya say Dream?
Dream is like a puppy, very active and playful. She is confident, full of energy and curiosity and enjoys playing with toys. She loves the male greyhound in the home. Dream is determined to have furniture privileges, no matter how hard her foster mom tries to deter her. She has a real pretty face and is a character. Dream would do well in a working family home with well-mannered older children, 12 and up. She would probably be okay as an only dog, because she has a lot of confidence. She would do well with other dogs, as long as they allow her to be in charge. She has a lot of energy for a greyhound and needs a family that will play with her and exercise her regularly. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
A Colorado dog handler says he's not to blame for dozens of missing greyhounds. Tucson greyhound park paid him to find new homes for nearly two hundred retired racing dogs but a greyhound rescue group says it can only account for eight of the dogs. "Eight, 200, tomato tomahto," Favreau said. "What am I a bank or something? I can barely count past 20."
The Arizona Department of Racing slapped Favreau with a thousand dollar fine and suspended his racing license for two months for violating record keeping and welfare regulations. "How was I supposed to know you were supposed to keep track of the units," Favreau asked reporters. "I mean they were done racing. They weren't gonna make any more money for anyone."
Just as greyhounds race in circles around a track so do the accusations against Favreau. He's at the center of an investigation into the well-being of at least 150 dogs, "it's really frustrating, because it's a bunch of allegations that aren't true," he said from his home in Colorado. "At least I don't think they're true. Truth be told I tend to drink a little. sometimes I wake up in cities and I don't remember how I got there."
Some speculate Favreau sold the dogs to a research lab, "I do only because he's done it before," says Karyn Zoldan a member of Arizona Greyhound Rescue. She's referring to a July 1998 incident when the Colorado Racing Commission suspended Favreau's license for giving greyhounds to Colorado State University without the knowledge of the registered owners.
When asked how Favreau could be given dogs if his license was suspended Zoldan replied that it had only been suspended for a short period of time. "It's not like I did anything wrong," Favreau said. "Well, OK I did do something wrong, but nobody really cares, so a slap on the wrist and I'm back in business."
Yeah. Well, there are a few of us who might disagree with that, right Illusion?
Illusion is very affectionate. She loves to be loved. She is very friendly. She is recovering from a broken leg and has a cast which should be removed mid-November. When she relieves herself, she gets excited and turns in circles as if she is ready to play – she is walked on lead to relieve, while her leg heals. She is very playful and enjoys playing with toys in the home. She is a “nester” and likes to bunch up her bedding blankets. She follows her foster mom around the house. Illusion would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 6 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog with a family that will play with her regularly. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.PS: I 'd like to step out of character here and just say something about this. I make fun of the owners and breeders because that's the only way I can get my mind around the unspeakable cruelty, inhumane disregard and cold calculation with which the dogs are treated. Truth of the matter is, these dogs are probably dead. If they're lucky they've been sold to research and through the efforts of people like Susan Netboy of the Greyhound Protection League a few will be rescued. Having worked in greyhound rescue for over ten years now though, while I hope for a good outcome, experience has taught me to expect the worst. The people who make their living off the backs of these wonderful dogs and then toss them away like yesterday's news deserve their own spot in one of the deepest corners of hell.
PPS: Let's end on a happy note though, and do two hounds this week. Whadya say Dream?
Dream is like a puppy, very active and playful. She is confident, full of energy and curiosity and enjoys playing with toys. She loves the male greyhound in the home. Dream is determined to have furniture privileges, no matter how hard her foster mom tries to deter her. She has a real pretty face and is a character. Dream would do well in a working family home with well-mannered older children, 12 and up. She would probably be okay as an only dog, because she has a lot of confidence. She would do well with other dogs, as long as they allow her to be in charge. She has a lot of energy for a greyhound and needs a family that will play with her and exercise her regularly. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Yeah, But Could Picasso Handle An M-16?
Now, we enjoy a good metaphor as much as the next person. Often we have retreated to the abstract to camouflage an inherent scarcity of fact our positions. We find obfuscation with a poetic twist often confuses people as to whether we are incredibly erudite, or full of what our sainted mother used to call "bull's nasty." In any event the ensuing hesitation by our interlocutor gives us time to effect a hasty withdrawal.
And speaking of withdrawal, we're pretty sure this attempt at metaphorical abstraction has more in common with the epithet coined by our mater familias than with an attempt to clothe the truth in a gown of art.
A senior U.S. general compared to a "work of art" in progress, saying it was too soon to judge the outcome and playing down violence and friction with Iraqi leaders as "speed bumps" on the road. "well, speed bumps, or roadside bombs, but that's tomato tomahto," said Major General William Caldwell, chief military spokesman. "We're thinking the whole thing is similar to, say Pollock or Munch.
"Every great work of art goes through messy phases while it is in transition," Caldwell said. "Of course artists don't usually get blown up while they're making a painting, the cities they work in don't become battlegrounds and refugees don't stream out of the artist's studio, buy hey, no metaphor is perfect."
Rising U.S. casualties and spiraling sectarian violence and insurgent attacks that kill hundreds of Iraqi civilians every week have sparked heated debate in the United States over whether Iraq is descending into civil war. "Look, every artist has to decide whether burnt umber or harvest sunset is the best representation of their idea. Conflict is a part of art, that's all I'm saying," Caldwell told reporters.
Last week Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki blamed the U.S.-led forces for poor security and aides said he was angered by perceived pressure from Washington to accept U.S. "time lines" for progress that would allow U.S. troops to leave.
"Well, artists have their critics," Caldwell said. "I mean, look what people say about that guy that does the paintings of Elvis on velvet. I really like that stuff, by the way. Of course I don't know much about art. But I know what I like."
Rising U.S. casualties and spiraling sectarian violence and insurgent attacks that kill hundreds of Iraqi civilians every week have sparked heated debate in the United States over whether Iraq is descending into civil war. "Well, sure," Caldwell explained. "Iraq is like when someone walks up to a Fielding and says 'What the heck is that?' Then someone else comes along and says, "Oh that's Broken Dreams.' Then it all makes sense."
And speaking of withdrawal, we're pretty sure this attempt at metaphorical abstraction has more in common with the epithet coined by our mater familias than with an attempt to clothe the truth in a gown of art.
A senior U.S. general compared to a "work of art" in progress, saying it was too soon to judge the outcome and playing down violence and friction with Iraqi leaders as "speed bumps" on the road. "well, speed bumps, or roadside bombs, but that's tomato tomahto," said Major General William Caldwell, chief military spokesman. "We're thinking the whole thing is similar to, say Pollock or Munch.
"Every great work of art goes through messy phases while it is in transition," Caldwell said. "Of course artists don't usually get blown up while they're making a painting, the cities they work in don't become battlegrounds and refugees don't stream out of the artist's studio, buy hey, no metaphor is perfect."
Rising U.S. casualties and spiraling sectarian violence and insurgent attacks that kill hundreds of Iraqi civilians every week have sparked heated debate in the United States over whether Iraq is descending into civil war. "Look, every artist has to decide whether burnt umber or harvest sunset is the best representation of their idea. Conflict is a part of art, that's all I'm saying," Caldwell told reporters.
Last week Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki blamed the U.S.-led forces for poor security and aides said he was angered by perceived pressure from Washington to accept U.S. "time lines" for progress that would allow U.S. troops to leave.
"Well, artists have their critics," Caldwell said. "I mean, look what people say about that guy that does the paintings of Elvis on velvet. I really like that stuff, by the way. Of course I don't know much about art. But I know what I like."
Rising U.S. casualties and spiraling sectarian violence and insurgent attacks that kill hundreds of Iraqi civilians every week have sparked heated debate in the United States over whether Iraq is descending into civil war. "Well, sure," Caldwell explained. "Iraq is like when someone walks up to a Fielding and says 'What the heck is that?' Then someone else comes along and says, "Oh that's Broken Dreams.' Then it all makes sense."
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Well, In His Defense, The Underpants Did Come From Victoria's Secret
It's not often we find ourselves in agreement with The Man. OK, truth be told we don't even know who The Man is, but we have to admit that Long Beach High School Principal Nicholas Restivo, who may or may not be The Man, did the right thing, even if it was for the wrong reason.
Captain Underpants has battled talking toilets and Professor Poopypants, but he was no match for a high school principal who banned students from dressing up as the children's book character on the school's Superhero Day. "Look, I have enough trouble around here with Biker Trash Day and Pirate and the Librarian Day. I don't need this kind of grief," Restivo said.
Three 17-year-old girls wore beige leotards and nude stockings under white briefs and red capes. "Yes, I know they weren't naked," Restivo said. "But I didn't know that at first and I almost killed myself getting down there to...uh...check out...I mean..look...er...assess, yes, assess the situation."
Chelsea Horowitz, one of the dressed-up girls, had a problem with that logic. "They're not see-through or anything," said Horowitz, an honor student and softball player. "All the teachers thought it was cute, especially Mr. Dillard. He just kept taking pictures until his flash burned out."
But Restivo decreed that no underpants would be visible in his hallways. "Sure we find them in the back of the school buses, and occasionally in the library, but nobody is wearing those, so technically that doesn't count."
Yes, well his diligence is to be commended, but our concern is not with the potential disruption caused by a few, shall we say students dressed contra fashion, but more with the fact that this is election season, and you never know when there's going to be a republican in the neighborhood. We hear they can sense ripples in the ether caused by the emergence of secondary sex characteristics.
Captain Underpants has battled talking toilets and Professor Poopypants, but he was no match for a high school principal who banned students from dressing up as the children's book character on the school's Superhero Day. "Look, I have enough trouble around here with Biker Trash Day and Pirate and the Librarian Day. I don't need this kind of grief," Restivo said.
Three 17-year-old girls wore beige leotards and nude stockings under white briefs and red capes. "Yes, I know they weren't naked," Restivo said. "But I didn't know that at first and I almost killed myself getting down there to...uh...check out...I mean..look...er...assess, yes, assess the situation."
Chelsea Horowitz, one of the dressed-up girls, had a problem with that logic. "They're not see-through or anything," said Horowitz, an honor student and softball player. "All the teachers thought it was cute, especially Mr. Dillard. He just kept taking pictures until his flash burned out."
But Restivo decreed that no underpants would be visible in his hallways. "Sure we find them in the back of the school buses, and occasionally in the library, but nobody is wearing those, so technically that doesn't count."
Yes, well his diligence is to be commended, but our concern is not with the potential disruption caused by a few, shall we say students dressed contra fashion, but more with the fact that this is election season, and you never know when there's going to be a republican in the neighborhood. We hear they can sense ripples in the ether caused by the emergence of secondary sex characteristics.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Well, No. But You Do Sort Of Look Like Charlton Heston
Yesterday's post got us thinking once again about our time in the educorporate complex. One of the things we used to look forward to was the Guest Speaker. These were usually local community types, mostly sober, who would volunteer time out of their busy day writing parking tickets, watching porn in the firehouse, or malpracticing law or medicine to come and share their wisdom with a group of proto delinquints and aspiring biker chicks. Ah, Elizabeth Arden's short skirts and back-lighting. Well, that's a story for another time.
Anyway, given the joy that strangers bring to the otherwise dreary worksheet-lunch-worksheet world of students, we feel bad that this guy didn't get to make his speech.
A man waving a brick barged into Monroe Middle School and ranted about the teachings of evolution before being arrested by police. "We're not sure what the brick was for," Middle school principal Ryan McLeod said. "But he kept held it up to his ear and said 'Hello, god? Are you still there? Dang, I've lost the call.'"
Police rushed to the school and took the man into custody. He was warned three times to drop the brick or be shot with a Taser. The man eventually complied and was taken away in handcuffs. "We convinced him that god was on the Principal's phone," said a Deputy.
Monroe police reported the man walked into the school office and immediately headed down a hallway toward the principals' offices. When stopped by employees, he began yelling at them asking if he looked like a monkey. "Actually, he did sort of look like a monkey," said Alvin Dawkins, the school custodian. "He had a wide nose and a sort of sloping brow. I didn't say anything though. He seemed pretty sensitive about it."
The man was identified as Mark A. Wood. He is being held in the Monroe County jail on charges of attempting to assault or resist a police officer, violating the school weapons free zone, disorderly conduct, and not having the brains god gave a mushroom.
"The best part is, no students were in danger," Mr. McLeod said. "Fortunately for us, he came right into the office. Now we can get back to teaching the kids about condoms, the homosexual lifestyle and how to be good Islamic fundamentalists."
Anyway, given the joy that strangers bring to the otherwise dreary worksheet-lunch-worksheet world of students, we feel bad that this guy didn't get to make his speech.
A man waving a brick barged into Monroe Middle School and ranted about the teachings of evolution before being arrested by police. "We're not sure what the brick was for," Middle school principal Ryan McLeod said. "But he kept held it up to his ear and said 'Hello, god? Are you still there? Dang, I've lost the call.'"
Police rushed to the school and took the man into custody. He was warned three times to drop the brick or be shot with a Taser. The man eventually complied and was taken away in handcuffs. "We convinced him that god was on the Principal's phone," said a Deputy.
Monroe police reported the man walked into the school office and immediately headed down a hallway toward the principals' offices. When stopped by employees, he began yelling at them asking if he looked like a monkey. "Actually, he did sort of look like a monkey," said Alvin Dawkins, the school custodian. "He had a wide nose and a sort of sloping brow. I didn't say anything though. He seemed pretty sensitive about it."
The man was identified as Mark A. Wood. He is being held in the Monroe County jail on charges of attempting to assault or resist a police officer, violating the school weapons free zone, disorderly conduct, and not having the brains god gave a mushroom.
"The best part is, no students were in danger," Mr. McLeod said. "Fortunately for us, he came right into the office. Now we can get back to teaching the kids about condoms, the homosexual lifestyle and how to be good Islamic fundamentalists."
Monday, October 30, 2006
Oh Sure, You Just Go Vote. Never Mind About Our Needs
It has come to our attention that the country isn't running as efficiently as we have come to expect. And by expect we mean having an actual functioning government capable of discerning its elbow from a hole in the ground.
Now, we will be the first to admit that we weren't always the most attentive of students while inmates of the educorporate training centers, but we seem to remember something about how in a democratically structured society, if the denizens didn't agree with their overlords they could effect some sort of change in the population of the power centers.
Elections, we believe is the word we are looking for. Hence the graphic over to the right from an organization called MoveOn.org who apparently takes this election stuff seriously.
And as if that weren't enough, it appears we have one of these elections coming up in the near future. Amazing how all that stuff just works itself out isn't it?
Anyway, what the MoveOn people seem to want is your participation in this election thingy and we're thinking the more of you that get involved, the less we'll have to do.
OK, let's be honest. If, in fact the election turns out the way these MoveOn folks seem to want it to, it could mean the death of this blog. Oh, sure president Goofy will still be around for a couple of more years, but, we ask you, where's the challenge?
Of course, there's always William Jefferson. Then there's Allan Molohan. Oh, and who could forget Cynthia McKinney? Not as exciting as Abramoff, or as crooked as Cunningham, Ney, DeLay, or as perverted as Foley, or as downright bizarre as Santorum and Schmidt, but we'll make do. OK, you go do that voting thing, don't worry about us. We'll get by.
Now, we will be the first to admit that we weren't always the most attentive of students while inmates of the educorporate training centers, but we seem to remember something about how in a democratically structured society, if the denizens didn't agree with their overlords they could effect some sort of change in the population of the power centers.
Elections, we believe is the word we are looking for. Hence the graphic over to the right from an organization called MoveOn.org who apparently takes this election stuff seriously.
And as if that weren't enough, it appears we have one of these elections coming up in the near future. Amazing how all that stuff just works itself out isn't it?
Anyway, what the MoveOn people seem to want is your participation in this election thingy and we're thinking the more of you that get involved, the less we'll have to do.
OK, let's be honest. If, in fact the election turns out the way these MoveOn folks seem to want it to, it could mean the death of this blog. Oh, sure president Goofy will still be around for a couple of more years, but, we ask you, where's the challenge?
Of course, there's always William Jefferson. Then there's Allan Molohan. Oh, and who could forget Cynthia McKinney? Not as exciting as Abramoff, or as crooked as Cunningham, Ney, DeLay, or as perverted as Foley, or as downright bizarre as Santorum and Schmidt, but we'll make do. OK, you go do that voting thing, don't worry about us. We'll get by.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Friday Hound Blogging
We're coming to you today from the Department of Pedantry here at IM Central. Today's topic: Pari-mutuel racing. We'll wait while you get your notebooks...OK ready? We bring this up because greyhound racing is a pari-mutuel...umm...sport...no that's not it...uh...travesty...well...let's just go with activity so we can get on with the lecture.
In pari-mutuel betting all the marks'...er...bettors' money goes into a pot and those who win get the biggest share. Usually it's enough for bus fare back home, but that's not the point. The state that licenses the track also takes a cut as does the track itself. Now the problem lately with greyhound racing is that there aren't enough people with low enough IQs ponying up the rent money to make the pot big enough so instead of taking a cut, the state has to actually put money in.
Raise your hand if you think the state is stupid. Ah, looks unanimous. Wait who's that back in the corner? Why didn't you raise your hand sir? Oh. Sorry to wake you.
Back to the lesson. As you may imagine, because there is gambling going on at the track and people with third grade educations are in charge of it, the state kills many trees each year issuing regulations and requirements that the tracks are supposed to follow.
Supposed to.
Twelve men and one woman have been charged in a scheme to fix greyhound races at the Mobile track by drugging favored dogs with pills and collecting about $67,000 in payouts, a prosecutor said.
$67,000! Boy Howdy we're drinking the brand name stuff tonight!
Now before all you namby pamby animal rights whackos get your L. L. Bean undies in a bunch, three track employees are accused of giving the greyhounds an herbal concoction, available at health food stores, which exhausts the greyhound by race time.
See? They gave the dogs stuff from a Health Food Store. Do the overlords care about the units or what? Only organically grown, pesticide free drugs for these dogs.
Mobile County District Attorney John Tyson Jr. said tracks throughout the United States have been notified of the charges and that the suspects, all from Mobile and adjacent Baldwin counties, are immediately barred from any tracks.
Ha! Take that evil doers! No more two dollar bets for you. Bet you wish you'd used some of that 67K to pay ahead on your trailer mortgage now, huh?
Charges include tampering with racing animals and transmission of racing information for illegal gambling purposes. A conviction on the felony charges could bring up to 10 years in prison.
Oh, yeah. Well, there is that too. Al, you've got some experience with prison. Think 10 years is enough?
Al is a reserved, well-mannered, easy going boy. He loves people. He foster dad calls him “Joe Cool.” He enjoys spending time outside and will sometimes dig a hole so he can lie in the dirt. Al is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater, Michigan Prison Program. Al would do well in a working family home with well mannered older children, 10 and up. He is good with other average to large size dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
In pari-mutuel betting all the marks'...er...bettors' money goes into a pot and those who win get the biggest share. Usually it's enough for bus fare back home, but that's not the point. The state that licenses the track also takes a cut as does the track itself. Now the problem lately with greyhound racing is that there aren't enough people with low enough IQs ponying up the rent money to make the pot big enough so instead of taking a cut, the state has to actually put money in.
Raise your hand if you think the state is stupid. Ah, looks unanimous. Wait who's that back in the corner? Why didn't you raise your hand sir? Oh. Sorry to wake you.
Back to the lesson. As you may imagine, because there is gambling going on at the track and people with third grade educations are in charge of it, the state kills many trees each year issuing regulations and requirements that the tracks are supposed to follow.
Supposed to.
Twelve men and one woman have been charged in a scheme to fix greyhound races at the Mobile track by drugging favored dogs with pills and collecting about $67,000 in payouts, a prosecutor said.
$67,000! Boy Howdy we're drinking the brand name stuff tonight!
Now before all you namby pamby animal rights whackos get your L. L. Bean undies in a bunch, three track employees are accused of giving the greyhounds an herbal concoction, available at health food stores, which exhausts the greyhound by race time.
See? They gave the dogs stuff from a Health Food Store. Do the overlords care about the units or what? Only organically grown, pesticide free drugs for these dogs.
Mobile County District Attorney John Tyson Jr. said tracks throughout the United States have been notified of the charges and that the suspects, all from Mobile and adjacent Baldwin counties, are immediately barred from any tracks.
Ha! Take that evil doers! No more two dollar bets for you. Bet you wish you'd used some of that 67K to pay ahead on your trailer mortgage now, huh?
Charges include tampering with racing animals and transmission of racing information for illegal gambling purposes. A conviction on the felony charges could bring up to 10 years in prison.
Oh, yeah. Well, there is that too. Al, you've got some experience with prison. Think 10 years is enough?
Al is a reserved, well-mannered, easy going boy. He loves people. He foster dad calls him “Joe Cool.” He enjoys spending time outside and will sometimes dig a hole so he can lie in the dirt. Al is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater, Michigan Prison Program. Al would do well in a working family home with well mannered older children, 10 and up. He is good with other average to large size dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Another Reason Not To Have Kids
THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON! THE TERRORITSTS HAVE WON! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! OUR CHILDREN WILL MURDER US IN OUR SLEEP!
Sorry to shock you. We know you've come to expect high levels of moderation, reasoned discourse and cool deliberation from this blog, but when we ran across this, we felt we had to sound the alarm.
Yes, that's right, our children are being trained to be Islamofacisitcommie ninja warriors, and what's worse, they're learning how to destroy western civilization...in our very own public schools!
Islam is being taught in the nation's public schools as a religion to be embraced because "organized Islamists have gained control of textbook content," according to an organization that analyzes textbooks. "While we were busy protecting our borders they sneaked in around us and took over the publishing industry," said Gilbert T. Sewall, who wrote the organization's report on Islam and textbooks. "Who even knew they could read English?"
Middle East Forum director Daniel Pipes even has repeatedly expressed concern about the "privileging of Islam in the United States" and warns the stakes go well beyond 7th-grade texts. "It's almost like they're saying Islam is as good as Christianity," he said. "And when they throw in that stuff about how the arabs contributed things like the arithmetic the style of writing digits from right to left, the introduction of the number zero, made contributions to fractions and to the principle of errors, which is employed to solve Algebra problems arithmetically, excelled in geometry, starting with the transition of Euclid and conic section of Apolonios and they preserved the genuine works of these two Greek masters for the modern world, well, you can see how the kids can be seduced by that."
It has gotten so bad that parent Kendalee Garner objected to having her son being taught Islam, including the memorization of the "Five Pillars" of Islam and dressing up as a Muslim. "And as if that wasn't bad enough, he told me he wanted to wear the chador! Islam made my son a fairy!" she told reporters.
That episode followed a U.S. Supreme Court decision just a few weeks ago not to review a lower court's ruling that a similar class requirement in the Byron Union School District in California, where students were instructed to "become Muslims" was "cultural education."
"Now you tell me how that's 'cultural education,' asked Pipes. "Islam isn't our culture, Jesus is."
A man arrested as a terrorist suspect for allegedly trying to transport $340,000 from a group tied to Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi, and who reputedly had connections to Osama bin Laden, helped write the "Religious Expression in Public Schools" guidelines issued by President Clinton during his tenure in office. "OK, so it turns out he was actually trying to kill another Arab, but you can't be too careful with these guys," Pipes told reporters.
"Textbook editors seem not to recognize that a school-related Islamic agenda in the U.S. uses multiculturalism as a device to guarantee a purely favorable and uncritical view of all things Muslim," said Sewall. "If anybody's going to get a free ride, it's going to be us," he added.
"These passages of religious propaganda have been devised by individuals or groups that seek to use the public schools for spreading their own sectarian doctrines and for recruiting converts. In various cases, publishers evidently have accepted material from religious pressure groups and have put the material into textbooks, even though it is laden with blatant preaching, miracle-mongering and fake 'history,'" Bennetta said. "And no, I'm not talking about the Discovery Insitute," he added. "So quit asking me."
"If our nation's cultural underpinnings are in conflict with religious dogma and values that are intent on replacing or even eradicating them, should not children and their teachers be made aware?" Sewall asked. "And no, I'm not talking about Dobson, so quit asking."
"America does not comprehend Muslim resolve to make America Islam," Shroder wrote. "Suicide bombers have already demonstrated their willingness to kill and die for it," Sewall said. "Too bad we didn't think of that when we sent missionaries to Africa. Those little spear chuckers would all be praising Jesus now."
Sorry to shock you. We know you've come to expect high levels of moderation, reasoned discourse and cool deliberation from this blog, but when we ran across this, we felt we had to sound the alarm.
Yes, that's right, our children are being trained to be Islamofacisitcommie ninja warriors, and what's worse, they're learning how to destroy western civilization...in our very own public schools!
Islam is being taught in the nation's public schools as a religion to be embraced because "organized Islamists have gained control of textbook content," according to an organization that analyzes textbooks. "While we were busy protecting our borders they sneaked in around us and took over the publishing industry," said Gilbert T. Sewall, who wrote the organization's report on Islam and textbooks. "Who even knew they could read English?"
Middle East Forum director Daniel Pipes even has repeatedly expressed concern about the "privileging of Islam in the United States" and warns the stakes go well beyond 7th-grade texts. "It's almost like they're saying Islam is as good as Christianity," he said. "And when they throw in that stuff about how the arabs contributed things like the arithmetic the style of writing digits from right to left, the introduction of the number zero, made contributions to fractions and to the principle of errors, which is employed to solve Algebra problems arithmetically, excelled in geometry, starting with the transition of Euclid and conic section of Apolonios and they preserved the genuine works of these two Greek masters for the modern world, well, you can see how the kids can be seduced by that."
It has gotten so bad that parent Kendalee Garner objected to having her son being taught Islam, including the memorization of the "Five Pillars" of Islam and dressing up as a Muslim. "And as if that wasn't bad enough, he told me he wanted to wear the chador! Islam made my son a fairy!" she told reporters.
That episode followed a U.S. Supreme Court decision just a few weeks ago not to review a lower court's ruling that a similar class requirement in the Byron Union School District in California, where students were instructed to "become Muslims" was "cultural education."
"Now you tell me how that's 'cultural education,' asked Pipes. "Islam isn't our culture, Jesus is."
A man arrested as a terrorist suspect for allegedly trying to transport $340,000 from a group tied to Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi, and who reputedly had connections to Osama bin Laden, helped write the "Religious Expression in Public Schools" guidelines issued by President Clinton during his tenure in office. "OK, so it turns out he was actually trying to kill another Arab, but you can't be too careful with these guys," Pipes told reporters.
"Textbook editors seem not to recognize that a school-related Islamic agenda in the U.S. uses multiculturalism as a device to guarantee a purely favorable and uncritical view of all things Muslim," said Sewall. "If anybody's going to get a free ride, it's going to be us," he added.
"These passages of religious propaganda have been devised by individuals or groups that seek to use the public schools for spreading their own sectarian doctrines and for recruiting converts. In various cases, publishers evidently have accepted material from religious pressure groups and have put the material into textbooks, even though it is laden with blatant preaching, miracle-mongering and fake 'history,'" Bennetta said. "And no, I'm not talking about the Discovery Insitute," he added. "So quit asking me."
"If our nation's cultural underpinnings are in conflict with religious dogma and values that are intent on replacing or even eradicating them, should not children and their teachers be made aware?" Sewall asked. "And no, I'm not talking about Dobson, so quit asking."
"America does not comprehend Muslim resolve to make America Islam," Shroder wrote. "Suicide bombers have already demonstrated their willingness to kill and die for it," Sewall said. "Too bad we didn't think of that when we sent missionaries to Africa. Those little spear chuckers would all be praising Jesus now."
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
The President Will Take Your Questions Now, But Don't Expect Answers
Hey, come on man. You've got to give us at least 24 hours notice before you have a press conference. We barely had time to get to the liquor store, and as for organizing the drinking game, well since you killed Stay The Course all we've got is stand up and stand down. Jeez. Have a little concern for those of us who follow current events will you?
In his opening moments at the podium in the East Room of the White House, Bush departed starkly from a practice of not talking about specific deaths in Iraq. "There has been heavy fighting, many enemy fighters have been killed or captured and we've suffered casualties of our own," he said. "War is hard. When you're dead you don't come back like in the movies. I understand that. Hey Brian, nice suit."
Despite conceding painful losses, Bush said victory was essential in Iraq as part of the broader war on terror. "We're winning and we will win," the president said. "I will win, you will win, he, she, it will win. Laura taught me how to conjugal. Pretty neat, huh?"
Bush said that as those fighting American and Iraqi forces change their strategies, the United States is also adjusting its military tactics. "Why just the other day we changed our slogan. We've changed the reason we invaded Iraq I don't know how many times since the war started. If that's not flexibility I don't know what is."
The president said that talk of timetables for troop withdrawals "is not coming from the inner circles in the U.S. government," but the product of the American election campaign. "We are not much concerned about that," he said. "Of course, as long as no one bombs the White House, or messes up my vacation, we're not much concerned about anything."
Bush sought a middle ground in terms of pressing the Iraqis to accept more of the responsibility for their own fate and said that "a fixed timetable for withdrawal in my judgment means defeat. Of course, it was my judgment that got us into this mess, so I might not be the best person to ask."
As he has repeatedly, Bush predicted that Republicans would hold control of the House and Senate in two weeks' time, despite widespread predictions to the contrary. "The American people will decide," who wins, he said. "At least that's what my friends at Diebold tell me."
Bush doggedly defended the job that defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has done. "I'm satisfied at how he's done all his jobs. He's a smart, tough, capable administrator," the president said. "For a complete idiot that is, but hey, who else would work in an administration like mine? And people already in jail or about to go don't count."
Bush spoke as polls showed the public has become strongly opposed to the war, and increasing numbers of Republican candidates have signaled impatience with the president's policies. "Oh, yeah, like it's my fault they're all going to jail or getting caught diddling the pages. Look, if I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times, set up shell companies and stay home when you drink, but do they listen? Why just the other day, Cunningham called me for a reference so he could get a job in the laundry. 'Duke,' I said, 'whatever made you think you could get away with that level of graft when your father was no where near as influential as mine?' 'My bad Mr. president,' he said. 'I forgot your cardinal rule of always have someone who can bail you out.' That's right I told him. You can't be a incompetent as I have for as long as I have and not learn athing or two along the way."
In his opening moments at the podium in the East Room of the White House, Bush departed starkly from a practice of not talking about specific deaths in Iraq. "There has been heavy fighting, many enemy fighters have been killed or captured and we've suffered casualties of our own," he said. "War is hard. When you're dead you don't come back like in the movies. I understand that. Hey Brian, nice suit."
Despite conceding painful losses, Bush said victory was essential in Iraq as part of the broader war on terror. "We're winning and we will win," the president said. "I will win, you will win, he, she, it will win. Laura taught me how to conjugal. Pretty neat, huh?"
Bush said that as those fighting American and Iraqi forces change their strategies, the United States is also adjusting its military tactics. "Why just the other day we changed our slogan. We've changed the reason we invaded Iraq I don't know how many times since the war started. If that's not flexibility I don't know what is."
The president said that talk of timetables for troop withdrawals "is not coming from the inner circles in the U.S. government," but the product of the American election campaign. "We are not much concerned about that," he said. "Of course, as long as no one bombs the White House, or messes up my vacation, we're not much concerned about anything."
Bush sought a middle ground in terms of pressing the Iraqis to accept more of the responsibility for their own fate and said that "a fixed timetable for withdrawal in my judgment means defeat. Of course, it was my judgment that got us into this mess, so I might not be the best person to ask."
As he has repeatedly, Bush predicted that Republicans would hold control of the House and Senate in two weeks' time, despite widespread predictions to the contrary. "The American people will decide," who wins, he said. "At least that's what my friends at Diebold tell me."
Bush doggedly defended the job that defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has done. "I'm satisfied at how he's done all his jobs. He's a smart, tough, capable administrator," the president said. "For a complete idiot that is, but hey, who else would work in an administration like mine? And people already in jail or about to go don't count."
Bush spoke as polls showed the public has become strongly opposed to the war, and increasing numbers of Republican candidates have signaled impatience with the president's policies. "Oh, yeah, like it's my fault they're all going to jail or getting caught diddling the pages. Look, if I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times, set up shell companies and stay home when you drink, but do they listen? Why just the other day, Cunningham called me for a reference so he could get a job in the laundry. 'Duke,' I said, 'whatever made you think you could get away with that level of graft when your father was no where near as influential as mine?' 'My bad Mr. president,' he said. 'I forgot your cardinal rule of always have someone who can bail you out.' That's right I told him. You can't be a incompetent as I have for as long as I have and not learn athing or two along the way."
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
We Never Promised To Stay The Course On "Stay The Course"
Ah, nothing clarifies one's thoughts like the approach of an election. If one is a politician about to be thrown out on one's ear because one happens to be a member of the same party as our Beloved Leader, President J. Doofus Dipwad that is.
"We're on the verge of chaos, and the current plan is not working," Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Don't Hold It Against Me) said in an Associated Press interview. "We're going to lose the House and maybe the Senate. Who's going to pay for us to go on golfing trips then? I mean the war's going badly."
The White House sought to ease political anxieties about security in Iraq, but rejected calls from lawmakers for a dramatic policy shift. "Look, nobody around here is up for reelection," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "I feel for those guys, but the president has said we're going to stay the course."
At that point the press briefing was interrupted by White House Counselor Dan Bartlett who said"It's never been a stay-the-course strategy." Unfortunately, before reporters could question him his head exploded.
When reporters reminded Secretary Snowjob that as recently as August, in a Salt Lake City speech, Bush said: "We will stay the course. We will help this young Iraqi democracy succeed," Snowjob ran for the room with his hands over his ears shouting "LA LA LA LA LA I can't hear you."
Earlier, in an interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos Bush said "We’ve never been stay the course, well, unless you count all the times I said 'stay the course,' but heck I'm on medication."
Bush said, "Well, I've been talking about a change in tactics ever since I — ever since we went in, because the role of the commander in chief is to say to our generals, `You adjust to the enemy on the battlefield.'" At that point the president burst out laughing. "Aw, heck, who am I kidding. Rummy won't even let me talk in those meetings. Shoot, for the first six months I thought we invaded Iran."
Meanwhile, U.S. officials in Iraq said Tuesday that government leaders there have agreed to develop a time line by the end of the year for progress in stabilizing Iraq and reducing violence that has killed 300 Iraqi troops during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan alone. "See, if they come up with a meaningless time line and after we bail things go south we can blame it on them," said General George Casey, the top U.S. commander. "Now that's a strategy."
Casey also said he felt the United States should continue to focus on drawing down the number of American forces in the country, adding that he would not hesitate to ask for more troops if he felt they were necessary. "See even thought we need more troops, I use less troops, but if I wanted more I would ask for less because then we would have as many as we needed. It's a military thing. You wouldn't understand."
Rumsfeld visited the White House early Monday with General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Rumsfeld said the United States was looking at when the Iraqis would move close to setting up a reconciliation process to help quell worsening sectarian violence between Sunnis and Shiites. "Our current estimates put reconciliation at about 2098, so we figure the troops will be home by Christmas," Rumfeld told reporters after the meeting.
Deputy Prime Minister Barham Saleh said international forces must not abandon Iraq while the situation there remains volatile. "I do believe there is no option for the international community to cut and run," he told reporters. "And by 'international community' I mean the Americans and I think there is still a battalion of cooks from Birkina Faso."
"We're on the verge of chaos, and the current plan is not working," Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Don't Hold It Against Me) said in an Associated Press interview. "We're going to lose the House and maybe the Senate. Who's going to pay for us to go on golfing trips then? I mean the war's going badly."
The White House sought to ease political anxieties about security in Iraq, but rejected calls from lawmakers for a dramatic policy shift. "Look, nobody around here is up for reelection," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "I feel for those guys, but the president has said we're going to stay the course."
At that point the press briefing was interrupted by White House Counselor Dan Bartlett who said"It's never been a stay-the-course strategy." Unfortunately, before reporters could question him his head exploded.
When reporters reminded Secretary Snowjob that as recently as August, in a Salt Lake City speech, Bush said: "We will stay the course. We will help this young Iraqi democracy succeed," Snowjob ran for the room with his hands over his ears shouting "LA LA LA LA LA I can't hear you."
Earlier, in an interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos Bush said "We’ve never been stay the course, well, unless you count all the times I said 'stay the course,' but heck I'm on medication."
Bush said, "Well, I've been talking about a change in tactics ever since I — ever since we went in, because the role of the commander in chief is to say to our generals, `You adjust to the enemy on the battlefield.'" At that point the president burst out laughing. "Aw, heck, who am I kidding. Rummy won't even let me talk in those meetings. Shoot, for the first six months I thought we invaded Iran."
Meanwhile, U.S. officials in Iraq said Tuesday that government leaders there have agreed to develop a time line by the end of the year for progress in stabilizing Iraq and reducing violence that has killed 300 Iraqi troops during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan alone. "See, if they come up with a meaningless time line and after we bail things go south we can blame it on them," said General George Casey, the top U.S. commander. "Now that's a strategy."
Casey also said he felt the United States should continue to focus on drawing down the number of American forces in the country, adding that he would not hesitate to ask for more troops if he felt they were necessary. "See even thought we need more troops, I use less troops, but if I wanted more I would ask for less because then we would have as many as we needed. It's a military thing. You wouldn't understand."
Rumsfeld visited the White House early Monday with General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Rumsfeld said the United States was looking at when the Iraqis would move close to setting up a reconciliation process to help quell worsening sectarian violence between Sunnis and Shiites. "Our current estimates put reconciliation at about 2098, so we figure the troops will be home by Christmas," Rumfeld told reporters after the meeting.
Deputy Prime Minister Barham Saleh said international forces must not abandon Iraq while the situation there remains volatile. "I do believe there is no option for the international community to cut and run," he told reporters. "And by 'international community' I mean the Americans and I think there is still a battalion of cooks from Birkina Faso."
Monday, October 23, 2006
But Karl Said It Would Be OK
See, here's the problem with immigration. These people come over here, spend a few years learning English by watching TV, then they try to get all American on us.
A republican congressional candidate whose campaign is being investigated for sending intimidating letters to Hispanic voters lashed out at his democratic rival, saying she was fueling the uproar over the mailings. "I know she gets phone calls from Clinton almost every day," said Tan Nguyen about his democratic opponent Representative Loretta Sanchez. "Curt Weldon has her office under surveillance."
"There have been underage children involved so why is there a criminal investigation three weeks prior to a very important election?" Nguyen asked. "I'll tell you why. The leftist police department is in the pocket of the liberal east coast elite, that's why. They're trying to do to me what Hillary did to Tom DeLay. Either that or it's the terrorists."
Nguyen said he would stay in the race despite calls from the state GOP and others to quit. "We got enough problems," said a spokesperson for the RNCC. "Besides, the guy's Asian or something isn't he? How'd he even get in the republican party?"
Nguyen said he did not authorize or approve the letters, which warn in Spanish: "You are advised that if your residence in this country is illegal or you are an immigrant, voting in a federal election is a crime that could result in jail time."
"Hey, do I look like I speak Spanish?" Nguyen asked reporters.
Immigrants who have become naturalized U.S. citizens are eligible to vote. "Oh, yeah. Like I'm supposed to know the voting law applies to all immigrants."
William Braniff, a spokesman for the Nguyen campaign and a former U.S. Attorney, blamed the controversy on the media, whom he said had mistranslated the word "emigrado," which appeared in the Spanish-language letter. "Cripes you guys, this is Califreakinfornia. You should know 'emigrado' means wet back."
Braniff did acknowledge that the letter originated in Nguyen's office. He declined to give further details, citing the ongoing state and federal probes. "Yeah, I think Tan was in the back cooking some rice or something when we wrote it."
A republican congressional candidate whose campaign is being investigated for sending intimidating letters to Hispanic voters lashed out at his democratic rival, saying she was fueling the uproar over the mailings. "I know she gets phone calls from Clinton almost every day," said Tan Nguyen about his democratic opponent Representative Loretta Sanchez. "Curt Weldon has her office under surveillance."
"There have been underage children involved so why is there a criminal investigation three weeks prior to a very important election?" Nguyen asked. "I'll tell you why. The leftist police department is in the pocket of the liberal east coast elite, that's why. They're trying to do to me what Hillary did to Tom DeLay. Either that or it's the terrorists."
Nguyen said he would stay in the race despite calls from the state GOP and others to quit. "We got enough problems," said a spokesperson for the RNCC. "Besides, the guy's Asian or something isn't he? How'd he even get in the republican party?"
Nguyen said he did not authorize or approve the letters, which warn in Spanish: "You are advised that if your residence in this country is illegal or you are an immigrant, voting in a federal election is a crime that could result in jail time."
"Hey, do I look like I speak Spanish?" Nguyen asked reporters.
Immigrants who have become naturalized U.S. citizens are eligible to vote. "Oh, yeah. Like I'm supposed to know the voting law applies to all immigrants."
William Braniff, a spokesman for the Nguyen campaign and a former U.S. Attorney, blamed the controversy on the media, whom he said had mistranslated the word "emigrado," which appeared in the Spanish-language letter. "Cripes you guys, this is Califreakinfornia. You should know 'emigrado' means wet back."
Braniff did acknowledge that the letter originated in Nguyen's office. He declined to give further details, citing the ongoing state and federal probes. "Yeah, I think Tan was in the back cooking some rice or something when we wrote it."
Friday, October 20, 2006
Friday Hound Blogging
Ah, the overlords...no one cares more about the fate of the units...er...dogs than they do. Think about it. After you've exploited a dog for every penny you can, after you've managed to avoid actual work by taking advantage of a greyhound's natural joy in running, even if it is running around an oval with too many other dogs, inches from death so social security recepients with third grade eduacations can win enough money for a pack of cigarettes, you can go up to that dog's two and a half by three foot cage and say thanks for the effort, I'm letting you go.
As the greyhound racing season ends in New Hampshire, what happens to the dogs? They aren't euthanized, officials say, and some get better treatment than most house pets.
Some?
At the Lodge at Belmont, most of the 250 dogs go on racing at other locations. This year, 90 dogs remain, with 70 going into retirement. These dogs go up for adoption. But for the second year in a row, the influx of dogs coming in from The Lodge and other tracks in the state are causing an overflow, according to Ken Wright, director of the Central New Hampshire chapter of Greyhound Pets of America.
"We'll ship as many as we can off to the low grade tracks where conditions are even worse than here, sell a bunch to medical experimentation and try to get rid of whatever's left over," Wright said. "We operate on the out of sight out of mind principle here, so a dog that's gone is a good dog."
But hold on. Because some overlords care so much for the units, they do everything within their power to see that adoption is the fate for all their unprofitable inventory.
Well, maybe not.
A former owner of greyhound racing dogs has accused an Iowa man of pretending to adopt more than 1,000 dogs, then selling them for medical experiments. "I care about my units...er...dogs," said George Panos, who raced greyhounds out of a kennel in Hudson, Wisconsin. "And this guy took dogs I thought were going to be adopted and sold them. Worse, I didn't get a cut."
Daniel Shonka of Cedar Rapids sold the dogs to a medical research firm in St. Paul, Minnesota, for an estimated $400 to $500 each. The firm used the dogs for medical tests, implanting them with cardiac devices such as pacemakers, the lawsuit said. The dogs were then euthanized.
Shonka could not be reached for comment. "He's on a collection trip out west right now," said a spokesperson from his office. "But he categorically denies Panos' charges. It was more like $300 per dog. Do you know what shape a racing dog is in when it comes off a track? We're lucky we got that."
OK, let's see if we got this straight. After a greyhound has done all it can do to keep the overlords from having to actually work for a living it is either killed, sold for medical research, or adopted. OK, that's a one in three chance for a life after the track. Well, unless it's given to an adoption program that sells it for medical research. Bongo, you are one lucky puppy.
Bongo is very sweet and loving. He follows the Foster Mom all around the house and pushes his way in between other 2 greys in house for all the attention. He loves to look at himself in the mirror and throws his toys all around the house when he plays. He loves his squeaky toys. His foster mom is training him to sit and he’s ½ way there. He is very pretty and loveable. Bongo would do best in a home with another dog to keep him company, as he tends to be vocal when left alone. For that reason, he needs a single family home with someone home more often. He is good with well-mannered children, ages 5 and up. He would okay, as an only dog if someone were home more often to give him attention. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.
As the greyhound racing season ends in New Hampshire, what happens to the dogs? They aren't euthanized, officials say, and some get better treatment than most house pets.
Some?
At the Lodge at Belmont, most of the 250 dogs go on racing at other locations. This year, 90 dogs remain, with 70 going into retirement. These dogs go up for adoption. But for the second year in a row, the influx of dogs coming in from The Lodge and other tracks in the state are causing an overflow, according to Ken Wright, director of the Central New Hampshire chapter of Greyhound Pets of America.
"We'll ship as many as we can off to the low grade tracks where conditions are even worse than here, sell a bunch to medical experimentation and try to get rid of whatever's left over," Wright said. "We operate on the out of sight out of mind principle here, so a dog that's gone is a good dog."
But hold on. Because some overlords care so much for the units, they do everything within their power to see that adoption is the fate for all their unprofitable inventory.
Well, maybe not.
A former owner of greyhound racing dogs has accused an Iowa man of pretending to adopt more than 1,000 dogs, then selling them for medical experiments. "I care about my units...er...dogs," said George Panos, who raced greyhounds out of a kennel in Hudson, Wisconsin. "And this guy took dogs I thought were going to be adopted and sold them. Worse, I didn't get a cut."
Daniel Shonka of Cedar Rapids sold the dogs to a medical research firm in St. Paul, Minnesota, for an estimated $400 to $500 each. The firm used the dogs for medical tests, implanting them with cardiac devices such as pacemakers, the lawsuit said. The dogs were then euthanized.
Shonka could not be reached for comment. "He's on a collection trip out west right now," said a spokesperson from his office. "But he categorically denies Panos' charges. It was more like $300 per dog. Do you know what shape a racing dog is in when it comes off a track? We're lucky we got that."
OK, let's see if we got this straight. After a greyhound has done all it can do to keep the overlords from having to actually work for a living it is either killed, sold for medical research, or adopted. OK, that's a one in three chance for a life after the track. Well, unless it's given to an adoption program that sells it for medical research. Bongo, you are one lucky puppy.
Bongo is very sweet and loving. He follows the Foster Mom all around the house and pushes his way in between other 2 greys in house for all the attention. He loves to look at himself in the mirror and throws his toys all around the house when he plays. He loves his squeaky toys. His foster mom is training him to sit and he’s ½ way there. He is very pretty and loveable. Bongo would do best in a home with another dog to keep him company, as he tends to be vocal when left alone. For that reason, he needs a single family home with someone home more often. He is good with well-mannered children, ages 5 and up. He would okay, as an only dog if someone were home more often to give him attention. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.Thursday, October 19, 2006
The War Is Going Well, Except The Part That's Going Poorly
Hello Thursday readers. We're coming to you today from the Department of the Painfully Obvious here at IM Central. Take it away Pentagon spokesperson:
The two-month-old U.S.-Iraqi bid to crush violence in the Iraqi capital has not met "overall expectations," as attacks in Baghdad rose by 22 percent in the first three weeks of Ramadan, the U.S. military spokesman said.
Hmm...We set out to "crush" violence. It goes up by 22 percent. Jeez, what were our expectations Mr Pentagon spokesperson? "Well, we were hoping to reduce the gunfire enough for us to get to the airport and get the heck out of Dodge, if you get my drift."
The gloomy assessment of the operation, which began Aug. 7 with the deployment of an extra 12,000 U.S. and Iraqi troops, was issued at a time of perceived tension between the United States and the nearly five-month-old government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. "Look. We invaded the country, wrecked the infrastructure and set off a civil war," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "Then we give the countrty back to the Iraqis. Now they're all whinning about 'Oh, we can't stop the car bombs,' or 'Oh, where's our electricity,' ungrateful twits."
Witnesses in Ramadi confirmed that masked gunmen staged a military-like parade, carrying banners exhorting people to support an Islamic state in Iraq announced by a militant group. They said mosques in the city used loudspeakers to rally support for the new state. Insurgents are not known to control any territory. However, the Ramadi parade pointed to their growing confidence in a city where U.S. and Iraqi forces have a heavy presence.
Asked how this could happen in a city where there was a supposed "heavy" presence by American forces, Snowjob said that by "heavy, we mean that's where we send the fat soldiers."
Bush was asked in an ABC News interview whether he agreed with an opinion by New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman that the current violence in Iraq was the jihadist equivalent of the Tet offensive. "Daddy kept me out of that war," the president replied. "But there's certainly a stepped-up level of violence, and we're heading into an election so I wish those rag heads would just admit they're beaten, or we could lose the House."
White House spokesman Tony Snowjob said the president was not trying to say that it was the turning point in Iraq, as the Tet offensive has come to symbolize for Vietnam. "The guy's on medication, OK?" Snowjob told reporters. "Sometimes I wonder why Cheney lets him talk at all."
Bush has taken a more flexible tone on Iraq, saying he is open to adjusting policy, as the November 7 elections approach with his Republican Party facing the possibility of losing control of the U.S. Congress over an unpopular war. "We can stay the course a little faster, or a little slower," Bush said. "I'm all about changing with the times."
Bush has maintained that Iraq is not embroiled in civil war and continues to insist that U.S. troops will not leave until Iraqis can take over security for their country. "Well, where are the slaves," the president asked. "How can you have a civil war without the slaves? And Ken Burns. How can you have a civil war without him? That's all I'm saying."
"Look, here's how I view it," Bush said. "First of all, al Qaeda is still very active in Iraq. They are dangerous. They are lethal. They are trying to not only kill American troops, but they're trying to foment sectarian violence. They believe that if they can create enough chaos, the American people will grow sick and tired of the Iraqi effort and will cause government to withdraw," he said. "Yeah. Like the people matter. What is this a democracy or something? Goofy Arabs."
PS: Our rummaging around in the blog closet yesterday also turned up a link to this blog. Now, this is the blog of Mrs. Coyote Mercury, and a very classy one it is too. Oh, not that yours isn't classy too James...we just meant...umm...Oh look at the time...gotta go.
The two-month-old U.S.-Iraqi bid to crush violence in the Iraqi capital has not met "overall expectations," as attacks in Baghdad rose by 22 percent in the first three weeks of Ramadan, the U.S. military spokesman said.
Hmm...We set out to "crush" violence. It goes up by 22 percent. Jeez, what were our expectations Mr Pentagon spokesperson? "Well, we were hoping to reduce the gunfire enough for us to get to the airport and get the heck out of Dodge, if you get my drift."
The gloomy assessment of the operation, which began Aug. 7 with the deployment of an extra 12,000 U.S. and Iraqi troops, was issued at a time of perceived tension between the United States and the nearly five-month-old government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. "Look. We invaded the country, wrecked the infrastructure and set off a civil war," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "Then we give the countrty back to the Iraqis. Now they're all whinning about 'Oh, we can't stop the car bombs,' or 'Oh, where's our electricity,' ungrateful twits."
Witnesses in Ramadi confirmed that masked gunmen staged a military-like parade, carrying banners exhorting people to support an Islamic state in Iraq announced by a militant group. They said mosques in the city used loudspeakers to rally support for the new state. Insurgents are not known to control any territory. However, the Ramadi parade pointed to their growing confidence in a city where U.S. and Iraqi forces have a heavy presence.
Asked how this could happen in a city where there was a supposed "heavy" presence by American forces, Snowjob said that by "heavy, we mean that's where we send the fat soldiers."
Bush was asked in an ABC News interview whether he agreed with an opinion by New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman that the current violence in Iraq was the jihadist equivalent of the Tet offensive. "Daddy kept me out of that war," the president replied. "But there's certainly a stepped-up level of violence, and we're heading into an election so I wish those rag heads would just admit they're beaten, or we could lose the House."
White House spokesman Tony Snowjob said the president was not trying to say that it was the turning point in Iraq, as the Tet offensive has come to symbolize for Vietnam. "The guy's on medication, OK?" Snowjob told reporters. "Sometimes I wonder why Cheney lets him talk at all."
Bush has taken a more flexible tone on Iraq, saying he is open to adjusting policy, as the November 7 elections approach with his Republican Party facing the possibility of losing control of the U.S. Congress over an unpopular war. "We can stay the course a little faster, or a little slower," Bush said. "I'm all about changing with the times."
Bush has maintained that Iraq is not embroiled in civil war and continues to insist that U.S. troops will not leave until Iraqis can take over security for their country. "Well, where are the slaves," the president asked. "How can you have a civil war without the slaves? And Ken Burns. How can you have a civil war without him? That's all I'm saying."
"Look, here's how I view it," Bush said. "First of all, al Qaeda is still very active in Iraq. They are dangerous. They are lethal. They are trying to not only kill American troops, but they're trying to foment sectarian violence. They believe that if they can create enough chaos, the American people will grow sick and tired of the Iraqi effort and will cause government to withdraw," he said. "Yeah. Like the people matter. What is this a democracy or something? Goofy Arabs."
PS: Our rummaging around in the blog closet yesterday also turned up a link to this blog. Now, this is the blog of Mrs. Coyote Mercury, and a very classy one it is too. Oh, not that yours isn't classy too James...we just meant...umm...Oh look at the time...gotta go.
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