Tuesday, October 24, 2006

We Never Promised To Stay The Course On "Stay The Course"

Ah, nothing clarifies one's thoughts like the approach of an election. If one is a politician about to be thrown out on one's ear because one happens to be a member of the same party as our Beloved Leader, President J. Doofus Dipwad that is.

"We're on the verge of chaos, and the current plan is not working," Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Don't Hold It Against Me) said in an Associated Press interview. "We're going to lose the House and maybe the Senate. Who's going to pay for us to go on golfing trips then? I mean the war's going badly."

The White House sought to ease political anxieties about security in Iraq, but rejected calls from lawmakers for a dramatic policy shift. "Look, nobody around here is up for reelection," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "I feel for those guys, but the president has said we're going to stay the course."

At that point the press briefing was interrupted by White House Counselor Dan Bartlett who said"It's never been a stay-the-course strategy." Unfortunately, before reporters could question him his head exploded.

When reporters reminded Secretary Snowjob that as recently as August, in a Salt Lake City speech, Bush said: "We will stay the course. We will help this young Iraqi democracy succeed," Snowjob ran for the room with his hands over his ears shouting "LA LA LA LA LA I can't hear you."

Earlier, in an interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos Bush said "We’ve never been stay the course, well, unless you count all the times I said 'stay the course,' but heck I'm on medication."

Bush said, "Well, I've been talking about a change in tactics ever since I — ever since we went in, because the role of the commander in chief is to say to our generals, `You adjust to the enemy on the battlefield.'" At that point the president burst out laughing. "Aw, heck, who am I kidding. Rummy won't even let me talk in those meetings. Shoot, for the first six months I thought we invaded Iran."

Meanwhile, U.S. officials in Iraq said Tuesday that government leaders there have agreed to develop a time line by the end of the year for progress in stabilizing Iraq and reducing violence that has killed 300 Iraqi troops during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan alone. "See, if they come up with a meaningless time line and after we bail things go south we can blame it on them," said General George Casey, the top U.S. commander. "Now that's a strategy."

Casey also said he felt the United States should continue to focus on drawing down the number of American forces in the country, adding that he would not hesitate to ask for more troops if he felt they were necessary. "See even thought we need more troops, I use less troops, but if I wanted more I would ask for less because then we would have as many as we needed. It's a military thing. You wouldn't understand."

Rumsfeld visited the White House early Monday with General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Rumsfeld said the United States was looking at when the Iraqis would move close to setting up a reconciliation process to help quell worsening sectarian violence between Sunnis and Shiites. "Our current estimates put reconciliation at about 2098, so we figure the troops will be home by Christmas," Rumfeld told reporters after the meeting.

Deputy Prime Minister Barham Saleh said international forces must not abandon Iraq while the situation there remains volatile. "I do believe there is no option for the international community to cut and run," he told reporters. "And by 'international community' I mean the Americans and I think there is still a battalion of cooks from Birkina Faso."

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