Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Pope Visits Germany; Mitre Detained At Border

Achtung! Achtung! Der Fuhrer Kommt!! Preparar!

Oops. Got a little carried away there. What we meant to say was that pope Bene is heading back to his old stomping grounds for a little strudel and wurst.
When Benedict XVI arrives in Berlin this week, he will be greeted in his homeland by a Lutheran chancellor, a gay mayor and a divorced, remarried Roman Catholic president.
A Lutheran, a gay and a nonpracticing catholic? In other news, the vatican announced today that long time social secretary for the pope Benito Scalizarri would be leaving his post after almost twenty years. No reason was given. Yeah. A Lutheran and a bad catholic maybe. But a queer? Nuh uh. Popey don't play that.
Protests have been organized at all the pope's planned stops during his four-day trip. Some opposition lawmakers have said they will not attend his address to parliament and gay and student groups have announced demonstrations to be held in Berlin and Erfurt.
Protests? Well, OK if that's the way you want to go. You know, get out there in the street, in the wide open and yell at the head of god's posse here on earth. Stand out underneath the sky and yell at the supreme ruler of the universe's number one homie. If you think that's a smart thing to do, go right ahead. Just two words: Light Ning.
"We are against discrimination, unequal treatment, against the banning of condoms and we want to make that clear," Joerg Steinert, director of the German Gay and Lesbian Association told Associated Press Television News. "We will be visible when the pope addresses parliament."
Ah, we think we see your problem. Now the condom thing, yeah whatever. Like people actually listen to the pope about stuff like that, but discrimination? Dude, that's the whole point. Ever hear of god's chosen people?  Remember when the pope said other religions was whack? Especially them musslemens. See, the whole point of any church is to separate itself from the rest of the heathen horde because, well, that's what god's been doing since Adam was a second grader. Now the problem is old Jehovah has been pretty tight lipped on the whole who's my favorite issue for quite a few years now, so the churches try to make up for that by being the loudest to proclaim that god likes them best, the whole idea being that if they say it loud enough and loud enough maybe Jaweh will be convinced. Sort of the Dancing With The Stars theory of divine preference.
Even in the more staunchly Catholic southwestern city of Freiburg — the final stop on the pope's journey — a group calling itself "Freiburg Without the Pope" has been printing T-shirts depicting the city's historic cathedral sheathed in a bright pink condom.
Oh now that's just rude right there. Like cathedrals aren't already phallic enough with all the spires and towers and whatnot.
A recent poll indicated most Germans don't think the papal visit is particularly important. Only 14 percent of 1,008 Germans surveyed by the Forsa institute between Sept. 8-9 said the visit was of personal importance to them, compared with 55 percent that said it held "no importance whatsoever."
 Well, in the pope's defense SC Freiburg was playing Borussia M├Ânchengladbach that day, and you know Germans, if they're not invading Poland, they're watching football. Especially that Jaroslav Drobny. Dude's a scoring machine, man!
The potentially most sensitive topic in Germany is the church's handling of last year's sex abuse scandal. Hundreds of Germans came forward with claims that they had been sexually or physically abused by Catholic priests.
 Oh, yeah. Well, there is that too.

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