Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Founding Fathers Wanted Us To Die Young
Hey we're already having presidential debates. Well, the republicans are getting together and doing PSA's on the dangers of going off your medications which is what passes for presidential debates with them. We totally missed the ones they've had so far which is OK we guess since they're going to have 14,632 of them. Actually we missed the one last night, but we did see that at least one reporter showed up for it and wrote a story.
Here's something that surprised us, Ron Paul is running for president. Again. Doesn't this guy have any hobbies? Well, on the bright side at least he showed up in a suit and not a robe and slippers with a garden hose ready to squirt the Romneybot every time he said he came from a business background.
Here's another thing that surprised us: Wolf Blitzer is still alive. He was the "moderator" which means he got to ask questions and then sit there waiting for the commercial break while the participants babbled on incoherently. One of the questions he asked grandpa Paul was what would he do for an uninsured guy who got sick. We're thinking, doesn't Wolf know the dude is a gynecologist? He's not going to be able to help some sick guy. We figured Paul would say something like do a Pap smear, or give the man some Midol or something. Instead he said freedom was all about taking risks.
What the heck does that even mean? Does he think people go down to the Contagion Casino and gamble with their health? OK, We're going all in for living until we're 90, but if we lose it's pancreatic cancer at 66.
And that's not the weirdest thing. When he said that the audience applauded. The only way that makes sense is if those people are programed to applaud every time they hear a word like freedom or a phrase like we the people, sort of like at IM Central when the greyhounds come running every time they hear the can opener.
Well, it wasn't time for a commercial break yet and Wolf has trouble keeping track of all the wars we're in, so instead of the foreign policy question he was supposed to ask, he followed up with grandpa Paul and tried to find out he he would just let the guy die. Before Paul could answer the crowd went wild shouting "Yeah," applauding and hooting like frat boys at a porno.
Later, Rick Perry said he wouldn't wait for the guy to die, but would execute him on the spot.