Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Oh Look, They're Voting. Isn't That Cute, They Think It Matters

We're coming t you today for the Potpourri Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Potpourri Department is part of the Where Do These People Come From Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Why Do We Even Bother, Inc.

Several times throughout our years here at the blog we have ruminated on the exact nature of the mental malfunction necessary to cause otherwise incompetent but fairly harmless people to convince themselves they should embark on a career as legislators. Having your head dribbled across the floor as a child? Being raised on a diet of mercury and lead based paint? Parents who think inbreeding means not having sex outdoors?

We bring this up because as we were slooshing through the inter toobz today, two rather pungent bits of flotsam washed up amongst the dead Alewives and empty Zoloft bottles we usually run across.

Let's start with Rand Paul. It seems a bit of regulation designed to keep people from becoming bits of flaming debris has drawn his ire.
A senator who opposes federal regulation on philosophical grounds is single-handedly blocking legislation that would strengthen safety rules for oil and gas pipelines...
OK, two things. First, well, it's Rand Paul. Has this guy ever been for anything that wasn't about returning America to a hunter gatherer society? Second: Umm...All right we only had one thing.
Paul's opposition to the bill hasn't wavered even after a gas pipeline rupture last week shook people awake in three counties in his home state of Kentucky.
Well of course it hasn't wavered. We're talking philosophy here, man. What's a few  fricasseed constituents when you're trying to maintain your ideological purity? The engines of commerce must be stoked! Ah...that probably wasn't the most appropriate metaphor at this particular juncture, but the point is, get government off the backs of business!
The bill is supported by the industry's major trade associations — the Interstate Natural Gas Association of America, the American Gas Association and the Association of Oil Pipelines. 
 Oh. Now that is a little surprising. Not because Paul is resisting legislation that would help his constituents go through life in a flameless mode, we long ago realized that politicians don't speak for the people who voted them into office, but the corporations who bought their office.

That's the surprising part. Paul is also resisting the wishes of his corporate ATM. It's like he's a constituency of one. Now, we openly admit that we weren't the most attentive of students in our Government classes, but we're pretty sure that when the elements of the democratic process were explained to us, "Because I said so," wasn't one of the principles the Founders came to consensus around.

Which brings us to Texas, where in an effort to make sure creationism is taught in school because the bibles given away by the Gideons are the only textbooks the schools can afford, the legislature is preparing to assure Rick Perry intellectualism will become a defining aspect of the Lone Star State by protecting the interests of the poor poor oil companies.
Three commissioners appointed by Gov. Rick Perry may grant some of the nation's largest refineries a tax refund of more than $135 million — money Texas' cash-strapped schools and other local governments have been counting on to help pay teachers and provide other public services.
Now that we can understand. We mean, what's government's major function? Protect it's citizens, and since, as the Supreme Court has so eloquently explained to us, a corporation is a citizen too, just like Mitt Romney, the Texas legislature will have no choice but to act and right this egregious injustice.

Well, only if Rand Paul thinks it's a good idea that is.

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