Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Democracy Would Be A Great System, If It Wasn't For All That People Get To Vote Stuff

OK so we've been slooshing through the inter toobz for a fair parcel of time and while mostly it merely reconfirms our belief that Americans are to intellectual discourse as raisins are to nuclear powered submarines, occasionally we run across a wit so sharp, a mind so dazzlingly adept, an intelligence so stunningly advanced that it fairly takes our breath away.

Such is the case with the pensive stylings of one Matthew Vadum--or as he will be hereinafter referred to--Lord Vadum who penned the soon to be classic opus "Registering The Poor To Vote Is Un-American."

Oh, we know what you're thinking--this is just some screed by a bigoted old white guy whose probably a legacy hire on wingnut welfare. Well, that just shows the paucity of your cerebral capabilities. Need proof? Here's a snippet form Lord Vadum's bio:
Vadum's book, "Subversion Inc.: How Obama's ACORN Red Shirts are Still Terrorizing and Ripping Off American Taxpayers," was published by WND Books in May 2011. His research was cited by Michelle Malkin in her New York Times bestseller, "Culture of Corruption."
That's MICHELLE FREAKIN' MALKIN man. THE Michelle Malkin.

Well, we're not trying to make you feel bad by pointing up your inadequacies or anything, so let's just move on to the article itself which is a clinic in logical thought, argumentative expertise and stylistic brilliance. First, the central premise:
Why are left-wing activist groups so keen on registering the poor to vote? Because they know the poor can be counted on to vote themselves more benefits by electing redistributionist politicians.  Welfare recipients are particularly open to demagoguery and bribery.
See? Poor people vote their own self interests, unlike other segments of  the population like say, conservatives, whose only concern when voting is the overall welfare of this great nation. In fact, when you enfranchise this class of selfish voters, only one logical outcome is possible:
It is profoundly antisocial and un-American to empower the nonproductive segments of the population to destroy the country.
Now, if Lord Vadum can be said to have any weakness, it's that his own large heart can empathic nature won't let him carry his thought out to fruition because if productivity is the key that unlocks the privilege of voting, then we must apply it equally and fairly across the board because--and we're sure Lord Vadum would agree with us here--that is the American way.

We get your message, Lord Vadum, we truly do, and as such, in your stead and as your acolytes we will not rest until the vote has been taken away from these other self involved parasites on the body of this great nation:
  • Old people--particularly retired old people whose productive years are long behind them. In fact, as a corollary to your  thought it may be advisable to enact legislation that would vacate the votes these people made during their productive years after they retire, much as Ohio State had to vacate the victories in their 2010 season. Of course there are some complications here, like it may lead to president Regan not being elected, but a small price to pay to return this country to the roots upon which it was founded.
  • Women, specifically housewives and stay at home moms. Now, some may attempt the fallacious defense that these people are in fact productive and that they simply are not having their contribution recognized in the way that other productive segments of the population are, but we say this is just a version of the tree falls in the forest argument in that, if work occurs and it is not compensated with money, is it really work?
  • People who suffer long term illnesses, or debilitating injuries. Like the aforementioned category of old people, those in this group may have been productive at one time, but those days are over and America needs the benefit of those with strong backs and clear minds today, not the enfeebled mutterings of the disabled. Besides, like poor people, those in this category will be tempted to put themselves ahead of the country, especially in the areas of healthcare and social services.
  • Students. Classic examples of non-productive citizens. Now, it is true that since the government has withdrawn most of its support for education many students have to take all large loans, plus work part time to pay for their education, so some consideration can be given to those in this category. For example, perhaps we could count their vote as 3/5's of a truly productive citizen's vote.
Of course some details will still need to be worked out. The fifteenth and ninetieth amendments to the Constitution will have to be repealed for example, but America has never quailed before a challenging task, and that can do spirit will see us through, of that you can be sure.

1 comment:

Karyn Zoldan said...


May I call you Irony? That's my pet name for you.

Thank you so much for the clarification. I guess Tom Taylor is not as nearly dumb as he sounds.

I never understood the connection between Tucson Greyhound Park and the Taj Mahal.

But thanks to your astute reasoning powers -- I do.

"Mr. Taylor is simply telling us that his kennel is a receptacle of death, without the outward elegance."

That is spot on.