Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Kentucky! Motto: Working To Turn America Into A Second Rate Nation Since 2007

When they make you governor of Kentucky, do they take the bone out of your head that allows you to distinguish between your elbow and a hole in the ground?  We ask because, though the former governor of the state was a republican, and like all republicans his brain atrophied through lack of use years ago, the current governor is a democrat and thus we assume an elementary school graduate.

Of course that's just our opinion. We could be wrong.

Gov. Steve Beshear defended state tax incentives that could surpass $37 million for a religious theme park in Northern Kentucky. "It says right in the bible render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's and to god the occasional tax incentive," he said. "Or maybe that's the Constitution. I'm always getting the two confused."

State involvement in the $150 million project brought outrage from groups focused on the separation of church and state, but Beshear said there was nothing "remotely unconstitutional" about the proposal. "Well, except for the part where the state of Kentucky endorses a particular religion, but let's not pick nits here."

"The people of Kentucky didn't elect me governor to worry about trivialities like the Constitution," Beshear said. "They elected me governor to create jobs. Good christian jobs, like putting together the nativity scene on my lawn." When asked is he would support similar incentives for an Islamic theme park the governor explained that "There ain't no musselmens in Kentucky."

The Answers in Genesis group, which started the Creation Museum that opened in Petersburg in May 2007, will handle daily operations of the theme park because it turns out there are more stupid people willing to pay money to reinforce their fantasies than had previously been predicted.

Since the Creation Museum opened in 2007, nearly 1 million people have visited, Zovath said. More than 80 percent of the visitors were from outside Kentucky.

Yeah, well everybody needs a good laugh now and then.

Beshear said the park could have a $214 million economic impact in the first year and bring $250 million into the state by the fifth year. "Dumb people's money spends as good as anybody else's," he said.

Ark Encounter will include the ark, live animals, event venues and a children's play area, among other things. The ark will be made of various types of wood and capable of floating. When asked why the Ark would be capably of floating a representative of Answers in Genesis responded that the organization was "just covering all our bases. You know god ain't been too happy since the homos all started getting equal rights and stuff. Just saying."

During a news conference, reporters asked Beshear several questions about the constitutionality of the proposed tax incentives. Beshear said the law does not allow the state to discriminate against a for-profit business because of the subject matter. Not everyone supports NASCAR, the governor said, but that did not stop him from providing incentives to help Kentucky Speedway hold a Sprint Cup race next year. "And if you don't think NASCAR is a religion down here, you just don't know Kentucky," he added.

"We are all very positive, initially, about this application, and we don't really see any problems in getting it approved," Beshear said. "Of course I was dropped on my head numerous times as a child, so I may not be the best one to ask." he added.

Daniel Phelps, a geologist and president of the Kentucky Paleontological Society, called the governor's support of the proposal "embarrassing for the state. Considering the educational goals we have in the state, it's really disturbing," Phelps said.

"Well excuse me Mr Egghead Professor," Beshear responded, "But what's wrong with teaching impressionable children that a book so full of contradictions it can't even agree on the fundamental tenets of its own faith isn't the inerrant word of god? And why shouldn't tax dollars support that?"

Lawson said the Kentucky Tourism Development Finance Authority said the business can be approved for incentives "as long as it's legal and it meets the requirements of the act." He said the subject of the business is not an issue."and for those of you who think the United States Constitution's First Amendment supersedes Kentucky state law, well, let me just say Nullification Bitchez!!"

Cary Summers, the project's lead consultant, said the park will answer questions for people curious about how the ark was built and how Santa flies it all over the world in one night. He said 43 percent of people in a 2009 CBS survey declared Noah's Ark the archaeological discovery they would like to see next provided it was accessible to their Hoverounds.

Grant County Judge-Executive Darrell Link said the project accentuated the religious views of people in Grant County, but "at the end of the day, it's for-profit 'cause if you can't make money off of god you just don't know how to make money."

Oh you got yourself one big amen right there, yes you do brother Link.


Sidhe said...

OMG! I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying, or perhaps I'm crying so hard that I'm laughing.

scripto said...

I dunno - the Sodom and Gomorrah ride might be kind of fun.