Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Inspector Javert Call Your Office

We're coming to you today from the Department of Theological Complications here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Now, we'll be the first to admit that we didn't pay a whole lot of attention to Sister Arnulfa back in catechism class--well, except when she roamed the aisles with her ruler during the time we were supposed to be practicing the Latin responses to what the priest said at mass. You could expect a whack if she suspected you of saying "Don't throw your biscuits" instead of "Dominus Vobiscum."

Hey, come on. We were kids. Anyway, the point is if the ten commandments had come with asterisks and footnotes, we're pretty sure we would have noticed. But now it seems there are...um...extenuating circumstances.
Poor people who are desperate for cash have been advised to go forth and shoplift from major stores - by an Anglican priest.
OK, so right away we're thinking this isn't one of the anglicans traded to the catholics for the religious statue souvenir concession in Cornwall and a cardinal to be named later, see because when it comes to upsetting the rich and powerful popey don't play that.

Now, before you dig out your King James and go looking for the appendix to number 7, just hang on a minute and put on your thinking zucchetto. Holy folks saying there is wiggle room in the Big Ten are nothing new, from the Crusades to Torquemada right on up to our current holy Joe, it's almost like every commandment ends with a "yeah but," or an "except when," or an "unless." Our own personal theory is that none of this would have happened if god had just chosen a lawyer to give the commandments to instead of a shepherd, but we digress.

The thing that's given us a St. Augustine moment about this latest...ah...clarification of holy writ is this:
"I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses."
Ransack the local Wal-mart, yeah we get that. Means the Chinese workers will just have to work that much harder to earn their 37 cents a day to make up for the loss, but hey, they're like buddhists or something aren't they? Do they even have a bible?

No, the problem we have with the good father's plan to hasten the time when the bear lies down with the bull is franchises.

Yes franchises. Locally owned stores associated with national, sometimes global chains. See, unless the aspiring Jean Valjean is aware of that, he's likely to end up actually breaking number 8 when he thinks he's in the clear. Then he gets up to the pearly gates and St. Peter's all like, "Dude, should have read the company prospectus before you employed your five finger discount."

Can you see the spot this puts poor people in? Not only do they have to learn a whole new set of skills to avoid the security cameras and such because you know the cops aren't going to take "Father Tim said I could" as an excuse, they practically have to become MBA's to make sure they don't run afoul of the good book. S type corporation? LLC? Limited partnership? Publicly held? Should I exempt green companies regardless of size? Should I make a special target of companies doing business with South Africa?

It's a good thing Robin Hood isn't alive to see this.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Father Tim is on "overload" with a conscience.
Treating the "vulnerable with indifference and contempt" is, unfortunately, exactly what the Catholic Pope...RATZINGER, does and every single day.
BREED! STARVE! HATE GAYS! HATE DISEASE! ETC.ETC.ETC.
You see, there are some religious followers of Christ who do understand the poor.
There are some religious followers of Christ who do understand that the very rich and powerful, turn their backs and not only walk away, they condemn these victims to death.
And they condemn them by refusing to give them part of the wealth, the quality of life and just the basics, such as health care.
And yes. Health care can be as simple and as cheap as a condom.
But people like the Pope, and scream this demonic name loudly and clearly....RATZINGER, does not give a Good God damn.

Anonymous said...

Father Tim suggests to steal from the rich?
Well, when the Pope steals from the poor, what is worse?

Anonymous said...

"Imagine" from the Beatles was a very popular song about PEACE. Everyone "living as one", was the theme. That is not what happens when KINGS and QUEENS rule with silks, and gold, and gluttony and finally, if the poor rebel, with "terror".
When a song moved hundreds of millions of people almost half a century ago because some "under-dogs from Liverpool had talent and wisdom, what is stopping leaders of World holding all the resources, brains education and money?
According to my math, four Beatles can be stronger than four thousand rich and powerful?
Seems to me that it is more than obvious, international governments just don't have their hearts in the right place.
Be careful.
One might even dare say ,"conspiracy".

Anonymous said...

Well, China supposedly executes seven out of the ten people condemned to death, world-wide.
Maybe their countrymen are absolutely desperate for help and need recognition in seeing just how oppressed and down-trodden they truly are.
They don't have the basics in heat, water, fuel and even food.
They don't have the rights like democracies to even complain about it!
And , of course, when you have billions of citizens, 10,000 people "disappearing" annually in China means nothing at all.
In fact, there are so many people there that have been shot in the backs of heads in open fields for their honest views, opinions and certainly, pleas, the Chinese Government now uses lethal injections. It's done indoors and better "contained" and therefore, much more "accepted".
Therefore, no-one really knows, and at all, how many actually have been killed for their opposition. And, of course, the World Governments stopped counting a long time ago.

Seeing Eye Chick said...

The problem beyond the *obvious is this. The perception of what rich is. Having grown up in a profoundly poor family, people who are just at the upper crusts of blue collar life appear rich. Is it okay to rob them?

You would be surprised how many people think that military families are rich--which many are not.

Or that Veteran's Benefits or SSI is somehow a sign of wealth or a form of it--never mind how one qualifies for such benefits.

There poverty, and then there is ignorance. Poor people spend their money differently. Their concept of wealth is different. That needs to be addressed as well. But I doubt it will be.