Inspector Javert Call Your Office

We're coming to you today from the Department of Theological Complications here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Now, we'll be the first to admit that we didn't pay a whole lot of attention to Sister Arnulfa back in catechism class--well, except when she roamed the aisles with her ruler during the time we were supposed to be practicing the Latin responses to what the priest said at mass. You could expect a whack if she suspected you of saying "Don't throw your biscuits" instead of "Dominus Vobiscum."

Hey, come on. We were kids. Anyway, the point is if the ten commandments had come with asterisks and footnotes, we're pretty sure we would have noticed. But now it seems there are...um...extenuating circumstances.

Poor people who are desperate for cash have been advised to go forth and shoplift from major stores - by an Anglican priest.

OK, so right away we're thinking this isn't one of the anglicans traded to the catholics for the religious statue souvenir concession in Cornwall and a cardinal to be named later, see because when it comes to upsetting the rich and powerful popey don't play that.

Now, before you dig out your King James and go looking for the appendix to number 7, just hang on a minute and put on your thinking zucchetto. Holy folks saying there is wiggle room in the Big Ten are nothing new, from the Crusades to Torquemada right on up to our current holy Joe, it's almost like every commandment ends with a "yeah but," or an "except when," or an "unless." Our own personal theory is that none of this would have happened if god had just chosen a lawyer to give the commandments to instead of a shepherd, but we digress.

The thing that's given us a St. Augustine moment about this latest...ah...clarification of holy writ is this:

"I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses."

Ransack the local Wal-mart, yeah we get that. Means the Chinese workers will just have to work that much harder to earn their 37 cents a day to make up for the loss, but hey, they're like buddhists or something aren't they? Do they even have a bible?

No, the problem we have with the good father's plan to hasten the time when the bear lies down with the bull is franchises.

Yes franchises. Locally owned stores associated with national, sometimes global chains. See, unless the aspiring Jean Valjean is aware of that, he's likely to end up actually breaking number 8 when he thinks he's in the clear. Then he gets up to the pearly gates and St. Peter's all like, "Dude, should have read the company prospectus before you employed your five finger discount."

Can you see the spot this puts poor people in? Not only do they have to learn a whole new set of skills to avoid the security cameras and such because you know the cops aren't going to take "Father Tim said I could" as an excuse, they practically have to become MBA's to make sure they don't run afoul of the good book. S type corporation? LLC? Limited partnership? Publicly held? Should I exempt green companies regardless of size? Should I make a special target of companies doing business with South Africa?

It's a good thing Robin Hood isn't alive to see this.