Monday, December 21, 2009

Does This Mean No More Lives Of The Saints Trading Cards?

Last week we told you about poor Mr. Ted Alvin Klaudt and his attempt to earn a little extra scratch for the holidays while repaying his debt to society by copyrighting his name.

And you laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, who's laughing now, heathen?

The vatican office of rendering unto Caesar made a declaration on the protection of the figure of the pope. The statement seeks to commodify and profit from the name, image and any symbols of the pope as being expressly for official use of the Holy See unless otherwise purchased. When asked why the pope needed such protection when he was the personal representative of god on earth a vatican spokesman replied, "God doesn't pay licensing fees."

The statement cited a "great increase of pagan silliness against the person of the Holy Father" in recent years as contributing to a desire to use the Pontiff's name for all manner of secular jocularity. "These people are cleaning up with pope bobbleheads and 'The pope's my homey' t-shirts," said one bishop who asked not to be named. "We just want a cut of the action. We got bills you know."

Due to this demand, the vatican has felt it necessary to declare that "it alone has the right to collect the filthy luchre for a guy who is usually seen in public wearing the drapes and a hat that would look better on a rodeo clown, and therefore, to protect the figure and personal identity of the pope from the unauthorized use of his name and/or the papal coat of arms for ends and activities which have little or nothing to do with the Catholic Church unless there's a little sumpin sumpin for us know what we're saying?"

The declaration alludes to attempts to use ecclesiastical or pontifical symbols and logos to "attribute magical powers to initiatives" as another reason to establish their “copyright” on the Holy Father's name, picture and coat of arms. "Papal condoms? Come on," said one priest visiting St. Peters. "Although we did seriously consider the Holy Mary Mother of God Water Fun Park."

"Consequently, the use of anything referring directly to the person or office of the Supreme Pontiff... and/or the use of the title 'Pontifical,' must receive previous and express authorization from the Holy See," said Cardinal Guido No Pants Belladucci, head of the vatican collections enforcement office.


Anonymous said...

It is no wonder that Pope John Paul II was extremely popular with all religions of the World.
He never messed with people's other beliefs. In fact, he blessed them all and especially those with great love, and open-armed forgiveness and inclusion.
And so, is it any wonder with a German name like RATZINGER, (and I would not even include his "royal title" as too many are not worthy of it and are in it for the take anyway,) the guy wants to be another Trump.
That is fine and dandy if you remove him "from the throne" and take away all his ugly and abusive powers of exclusion and outright racism and total greed.
But when we have, finally, in America, such fine and international figures such as two achieving people bound in marriage and outlook, Michelle Obama and her husband, the President, make for quite a delicious cocktail.
And this drink, without any false additives or condescending flavors, will more than likely win complete favor to a World aching for survival of dreams religions, knowledge, science, etc. , and forever be grateful to have been included and respected with even just a condom.
I must absolutely now say, I am so proud to be American.

Anonymous said...

It cannot help but mold laws and customs and education when you have a lawyer for a wife as opposed to somebody secluded and hidden from sight and sound.
This last blog, I agree with and totally.
Michelle Obama is a leader for the World as well. And luckily she is, like the President, both "white and black".
What an asset for not only USA but the entire World. Muslims, Jews Christians, alike, all celebrate in our country's great progress and wish the very same, internationally.

Anonymous said...

Here we go again. It is so backwards and embarassing to be either a conservative (and an intellectual) or just plain Catholic.
Don't know if any of you look at Huffington Post or New York Times but I am quite sure THIS
" pope "would not like you to.
That said. He's a complete and utter moron.
I know what I am talking about because there are so many homosexual, gay ,brilliant and rich Catholics that have been in constant turmoil in these past years with the dumbing down in the Bush eras and the constant constraints and threats by THIS "pope" and his administration that the Catholic Church is not only losing people due to their lies and lack of real punishment to priest pedophiles for years, but screaming gays are unnatural and sinful when these homosexuals have been standing by, trying to be patient for THEIR education.
Alas, the tables are now turned and thank God!
Ratzinger and all his blatant need for reimbursement for something that has been within the Church for thousands of years and suddenly HE wants money for? Does this sound right?
What kind of "pope", "guiding "billions of the faithful and meek and naive would take advantage of the destitute and the starving and the disease-ravaged?
THIS "pope".
Well, I don't know about you, but me and half the friends and family I have, no longer feel the necessity to go to Church.
For what?
To pay THIS "pope" ?

scripto said...

Shit. I was just getting ready to release my new line of bathroom deodorizers - Pontificals

(now in new Myrrh scent)

Merry Christmas you heathens

Anonymous said...

When ironicus Maximus says "add 10% if you want it in Latin" well, housewives and female teenagers seeking refuge in priests' rectories due to abuse at home or emotional and even mental instabilities, incapacitating their normal judgements, and thinking these "kind. spiritual priests" are going to help....of course you have to "add 10% to get it in Latin".
To get "bammed" and "boozled" is gonna cost!
(Little boys are for free.)

Anonymous said...

When "the Vatican" starts acting like Rodeo Drive and Fifth Avenue, NY, this is what kind of people are invested, literally, in this papal "biz".
And RATZINGER has the audacity to claim
"no condoms" for the African poor?
"Dear Pope"
This is not a CATWALK!