Monday, July 20, 2009

God Is Love. Don't Make Us Hurt You To Prove It

We're coming to you today from the Mark 12:30-31 Department. Mark 12 is a division of the Golden Rule Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Ephesians 4:32.

It seems some of the flock have taken in upon themselves to inform the heathens of the error of their ways. In a loving and godly fashion of course.

Those behind a sign posted in front of their northwest Gainesville church, proclaiming in red letters "Islam is of the devil," say it's a way to express their religious bigotry and yet it is a message of a great act of love. "Well, if by 'love' you mean praying for the filthy ragheads to burn in hell," said the church's senior pastor, Terry Jones. "I mean that in a most christian way," he added.

"It's an act of saying there is only one way, and that is my way, so toss the prayer rugs and get your falafel eating behinds over to a Zondervans. It is about pointing the people in the right direction, and that right direction is Jesus and only Jesus," said Jones. "Look, they don't call them 'hellfire' missiles for nothing. Your choice Abdul."

"We actually posted the sign because we just found out there's Islamics right here in America. Them Muslin fellers are trying to be violent and oppressive but they don't have anything to do with the bible," Jones said. "You want violent and repressive? We got the smiting and the laying waste that makes old Allah look like a boy scout.

Jones said, in spite of what the sign says, the church's outreach effort doesn't look at a person's faith when it comes to offering help. "You best not be wearing one of them burka things though, or that there Hindu hat, or we may have to lay the spirit of the lord upside your head. Just saying."

"I think every pastor, every Christian pastor in this city, must be in agreement with the message. They might find the message a little bit too obviously bigoted, but they must be in agreement with the message because the only way is our way and the Bible and Jesus says we get to bust a cap on their unbelieving buttocks," Jones said. "Kill their camels too," he added. "Nothing personal, just doing the lord's work."

Saeed R. Khan, the president of the Muslim Association of North Central Florida was calm in his response to the church's sign. "There are a couple of things on this that come to mind, and first there is freedom of speech," Khan said. "People are free to say, but then society has to think about it. When it becomes inflamed, the reaction on both sides can be detrimental to the people that live there. You have to make some kind of balance."

Khan said he was surprised such a sign would have been erected in Gainesville, a place where he has lived for 30 years without feeling oppressed or discriminated against for his beliefs. "Normal people generally - if they have something to say - they can come and talk to you," Khan said. "Then there are the christians."

"Sometimes when you're an ignorant bubba, it's easy to demonize someone you don't know," Khan said. "I would rather sit down and see what the issues are. Too bad those bozos talk in tongues all the time."

"We are definitely not trying to open up dialogue, create interest, create awareness, or get people to think," Jones said. "It's just that the lord told us we gotta get our smite on, in Jesus' name amen."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

!00 to one they are "a prayin" for someone to burn that sucker down. Everybody's in recession and the churches are plum out of funds.
The messages will become more enraged as the peaceful people just ignore and convert to something else.
The South is full of this. It 's just getting really "old".

Anonymous said...

I think America has had all it wants of Rumsfeld -Bush and "Bible".
Today's news is that due to Christian Right's stupidity and "denial' of "what people really want"...they don't want celibacy ; they don't want "virginity rings" and they sure don't want to not get invited to the dance. So, bring out the condoms just in case? Nope. "God will protect me" syndrome just ended up with America getting thousands of unwanted teen pregnancies, millions of STD's and of course, it's the South that is just full of it.
Congratulations to the continuation of idiocy in USA. One more dummy list besides Wall Street.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it absolutely frightening the way Terry Jones twists and heaves and shoves misconceptions up everybody's noses and people just might believe it? Whereas Khan is simply easily understood without devils, fires and serpents. Now that's a religion to get up in the morning for!

YogaforCynics said...

I actually kind of respect the consistency of fundamentalists who admit their contempt for other beliefs (or the lack thereof). Those nice fundamentalists who say theirs is the only way to go to Heaven instead of Hell and then express "respect" for other beliefs, on the other hand, are either stupid or simply full of shit....

Seeing Eye Chick said...

Fucking sad is all it is. To use a marqui like that. What a waste when they could be giving a message of hope instead of hate. "Faith" that rests on the tearing down of others who do not share those beliefs, is a sign of spiritual immaturity. They cannot feel secure in their faith til they publicly convince others to follow suit, and then well maybe. Or maybe they will feel empowered to attack some other group next.

Stories like this make me thank Jesus everyday that I am not a Christian.