Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Fox News! Motto: Hey, Crazy People Have To Make A Living Too, You Know

Say what you will about this here America--and we often do--one thing that brings us all together, regardless of political philosophy, or daily intake of prescription pharmaceuticals since those rascally Arabs bombed us is supporting the troops.

And why not? Those folks can't help it that they were unfortunate enough to be in the military when the Commander in Chief had the IQ of lime jello and the vice president was Satan. Never forget 9/11 says them. Never forget Bin Laden Determined To Strike In The US replies us.

Which brings us to the tragic tale of Bowe Bergdahl, a kid who should be checking out the hotties at the local sports bars, but instead finds himself a reluctant guest at the Jihad Marriott.

You remember when you were little and you used to do the most repulsive and immature things to your little brother or sister? You called them names, you teased them mercilessly, you avoided them and never missed an opportunity to explain to them why they were a blight on the planet. But just let someone from outside the family look at them askance and you were all up in that person's grill like the Archangel Michael celebrating Saint Beatdown's day.

Well, that's the way America is. We may spit on each others' shoes and fart in each others' general direction with rather discouraging regularity, but just let someone from outside the family cast a scurrilous glance at one of our posse and we are like totally forgetting all that stuff we were just arguing about a second ago.

And that's why we've come together so strongly behind Private Bergdahl and his family, right Mr. Peters?

What is the term? Oh yeah, Boo Yah! Mess with one of us you mess with all of us Adbul. No stone will be unturned, no rest will be taken, no price will be too high that we won't pay it. We don't leave people...wait...what did he say?
I don't care how hard it sounds. As far as I'm concerned, the Taliban can save us a lot of legal hassles and legal bills.
OK, could someone bring Mr. Peters his medication? You're saying that it's all right for the taliban to shoot this kid if he did something stupid under the stress of being in a neighborhood where people were constantly trying to kill him. Who are you, General Patton or something?

Oh, we know, you're trying to out crazy Michael Scheuer.

What does it take to be an expert analyst on Fox news? Serial concussions?

Update: As far as we can tell--and we have broken into the Stoli--Lieutenant Colonel Ralph Peters, Fox News Expert War Analyst has never been in combat unless you count shooting rubber bands at the secretaries from behind your desk.


Anonymous said...

The incredible "Meltdown" with Republicans because they did not "Win" is typical of dummy quarterbacks going on a rape binge. They don't even need booze or steroids to do it. It's called: Vengeance. (out of the Bible and into your Home)

Seeing Eye Chick said...

Well Glad to know General Fuctard is on our side. Gee Thanks sir. You remind me of some of the Fuctards I served with, and I have to say for all these years I thought perhaps it was just me, but now I can see that no, they are indeed Fuctards.

My prayers are with that young man. There are a lot of people out there who learn terrible lessons through stupidity. I always hope that they don't have to die to learn those lessons.
Stand by for my Demotivational Poster.

Anonymous said...

The problem is that General Patton did serve, even after disgracing the US. He was a good sidekick for misinformation.
This goon is merely a goon. Sadly enough, it seems to be a pre-requisite to be" Republican"
I hope to God, no-one is listening..

Anonymous said...

Nice for America having another "Ralph" (Jackie Gleason) playing a loud-mouthed idiot. At least Gleason had reflections in his scenarios. This Lt. Col should be under the firing squad. (or better yet, switch the hostage)

Anonymous said...

Does Peters know how many vets are permanently messed up due to insufficient training?
(I am talking, no legs, no brains, and life-long bed pans)

Anonymous said...

Whew! I hope Peters doesn't plan a trip anywhere soon out his front door. He must be suicidal.