Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thank You For Calling IM Central. No One Is Available To Waste Your Time

Look, we're as happy to cut corners as the next guy because you, our underachieving reader(s) don't know how much behind the scenes work goes into the production of a blog post here in the marbled halls of IM Central.

OK we take that back. Almost no work goes into the production of a blog post here in the marbled halls of IM Central, but unless today is the first day you've stumbled across this blog after entering Donkey Sex into your search engine, you already knew that.

Still, any chance we can take to reduce our already minimal effort is welcome. Having said that though, we have to point out that recent statements from the dwindling number of non-institutionalized citizens unmedicated enough to call themselves republicans has made even that minuscule exertion superfluous.

Case in point, yesterday we told you about one Mark Krikorian who, after close analytical investigation of Judge Sotomayor's decisions decided she was not suitable because her name wasn't iambic enough.

We couldn't make something like that up even if we blogged sober.

Today, however even that highpoint of close exegesis was topped by "some Republicans" who "muse privately about whether Sotomayor is suggesting that distinctive Puerto Rican cuisine such as patitas de cerdo con garbanzo — pigs’ feet with chickpeas — would somehow, in some small way influence her verdicts from the bench."

They neglected to speculate on the relationship between Judge Thomas' rulings, fried chicken and watermelon.

Oh, but we're not done yet. Enter perpetual republican papa daddy Newt Beg Me To Run Gingrich who, while visiting the Holocaust memorial at Auschwitz suddenly realized that Judge Sotomayor was in fact a racist because she had pointed out that Hispanic women are different from white men. Yes, this is the same Newt who, in his spare time, consults as an expert in bilingual issues and policy.

This devastating slip of the judge's no doubt bilingual tongue did not escape the notice of that other guiding republican light. We, of course are talking about the president of the republican party, and retired sportscaster, Rush Limbaugh who pointed out that not only was Sotomayor an obvious racist, she was also a bigot because, as everyone knows, she's a woman, and when a woman talks about a man...well...would the 1964 Civil Rights act had addressed the injustices visited on the heads of white guys in this country, particularly rich white guys. They're the last minority it's OK to discriminate against you know.

Now, we're figuring with guys like that out there running around, all we really need to do is throw a couple of links on the page and call it a day.

So what are Luke and Laura up to these days, anybody know?

1 comment:

Seeing Eye Chick said...

I heard that she wrote a song, called the Enchanted Honkey. But had to keep it under wraps because Flush threatened her with Copywrite infringement.