Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Republicans! Motto: We're Going To Steele The Next Election

We're coming to you today from the Mea Culpa Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Mea Culpa is a division of the What Do You Want From Me Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of A Guy Makes One Little Mistake, Inc.

The Republican Party is done with feeling sorry for itself and is ready to look ahead to future screw ups, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele said. "The era of apologizing for Republican mistakes of the past is now officially over," he declared. "We look forward to a whole new set of calamities to apologize for."

And about time, says us. Come on, Cheney is in jail, Bush has been exiled to Paraguay, Gingrich is doing community service teaching 10th grade history at a Harlem High School, and Boehner resigned and is now driving a cab in Milwaukee. How much more do you want these guys to suffer? Oh, and Fox Broadcasting lost its license.

Oops, wait. That's what would happen if there was a god.

"We are at a crucial juncture for our party, and more importantly for me," Steele said in remarks at the RNC Chairman's Luncheon in National Harbor, Md. "Simply put, America is beginning to crawl out of the massive hole our policies put it in over the last eight years. We need to stop that. It's time to get jiggy with it."

"The time to remain silent is over," he said. "Or, as the homies would say."

"Today we are declaring an end to the era of Republicans looking backward," he said. "We are the new look republican party now.

The party suffered defeats during two successive elections, he said, prompting some collective finger pointing to determine whom to blame and to acknowledge McCain and Palin.

The Republican Party will become the party of new ideas, the RNC leader said. First new idea: Guns in National Parks bitchez!!

During the coming months, Republicans will be "bold" in their approach, offering real solutions "aggressively and without apology," Steele said. "And to show how serious we are, I am announcing today the appointment of Michele Bachmann, Joe Barton and Mitch McConnell to a new republican policy committee. I'm calling it Betting On New Knowledge. Bachmann, Barton and McConnell will be the first B.O.N.K.ers, but I will shortly be appointing more people to the committee.

"Our Renaissance has begun. Our opportunities lie before us," he said. "And speaking of opportunities, my resume is available in the lobby."

2 comments:

Seeing Eye Chick said...

Are you sure that isn't:

"Our Opportunities to LIE are before us."

Or is it, "Our Opportunities before us are a lie" ?

I dont care for Steele and this is why.

You can throw a T-Bone Steak in Shit stew, but at the end of the day it's shit stew.

I keep waiting read Steele's first person interview with Cleopatra and their their trip down the river denial.

Anonymous said...

If there ever was an Anne Coulter twin, it's Bachmann. They are both phony hair colors and oh so white and dumb. If only Meghan McCain would go after both, she might lead the Republicans in an intelligent direction. We've done Steele, Gingrich, Cheney, Rove, and on and on. Could it be a daughter of an independent might save the day? Maybe if Obama gets really clever, he'd add her to his list.