Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Republicans! Motto: The Horse Is Dead And Yet We Continue To Beat It

We're coming to you today from the Second Chance Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. SC is a division of the OMFG!!1!! We Really Screwed Up Corporation in partnership with Holy Crap How Could We Have Been That Stupid, Inc.

It seems our republicans friends have finally taken our advice (offered here, here and here) and are beginning to rebuild themselves. Today they invited a well known political strategist and international scholar to Capitol Hill to address Congressional staffers because the regular members are beyond hope and aren't worth the effort anymore.

Joe the Plumber took his act to Capitol Hill today. The first order of business: giving political advice to conservative Republican staffers at breakfast, which, Wurzelbacher told us, “Went really well. They had eggs. I like eggs. I like toast too.”

Erm...maybe we spoke too soon.

“It’s not politically incorrect to say you’re Republican or conservative,” Joe said. “Stupid, but not politically incorrect. Sending out a CD with Barack the Magic Negro on it and belonging to an all white country club, now that's stupid and politically incorrect. If the guy was a closet homo he'd have a republican trifecta.”

"And no reason to be subtle," he said, Well, you could be a little more subtle than Saltsman, but I don’t believe there’s two sides to every story. It’s black and white,” Wurzelbacher explained. “There’s right and wrong.”

Uh...Joe? Black? White? That's two sides. Right? Wrong? That's two more. You got four sides right there Buddy.

One thing that needs to be done, he said, is killing this stimulus package, because it’s just another example of “American government” — Republicans and Democrats — “trying to keep us working and in our homes. What's up with that?” He also called it welfare, "sort of like what I'm getting from Pajamas media."

As for his own political career, America will just have to wait six years until his son grows up.“I don’t know if the American public deserve me,” he said, “but my son definitely deserves my time now, which is why I'm here in Washington today instead of back home, and it's also why I spent the last eight weeks in Israel getting in everybody's way.”

We can see it already: Dumb and Dumber in 2012! Motto: Smart People Are Ugly


Anonymous said...

"All of them" are like figures out of "Mad Magazine". Too stupid and scary to believe. Cheney, the ghoul, takes top "honors" for being not only completely "unhinged" but eternally spiteful and evil.
Make you a bet Sarah Palin tries to out -gun him, every which way, and out. She's not practicing on all that wildlife for nothing. And she , of course, has her religion , to "back it". Forty below zero is not only great for the devil, it keeps the brain in "lock-down".

Anonymous said...

Jesus. Mary. Joseph. Please tell Sarah Palin to get on her knees and really pray.
Pray for true knowledge.
Pray for women's lib.
Pray for her children.(and their children)
And pray like the dickens that she is charged for some sort of corruption in mind , body and soul so she self sacrifices by self-destruction, her true obsessions of power, fame and fortune not to mention, her sickening self-saturation for glory. I mean, honest to God,God. Please just get rid of her.
For this we all pray.