Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Republicans! Motto: It's Never Too Soon To Start Lowering Expectations For 2012

"Bobby" Jindal? We've got two words: Ha. Ha. Where do the republicans get these people? The Newt Gingrich School of Political Philosophy and Clown College?

Now, we watched "Bobby's" response to the president last night and as soon as he walked out of the bathroom he had apparently been hiding in, our first thought was this guy got shoved into his locker a lot in high school. And in between those times he was probably pushed into the girl's bathroom.

Then he began to talk and hoochie mama we had to turn the tee vee sound down because the crazy was pouring out and filling up the place.
Today in Washington, some are promising that government will rescue us from the economic storms raging all around us. Those of us who lived through Hurricane Katrina -- we have our doubts.
Umm...Governor? "Bobby?" That would be the republican president and the republican Congress back then Bud. You sure you want to open with that?
The strength of America is not found in our government. It is found in the compassionate hearts and the enterprising spirit of our citizens.
Who right now are losing their homes and their jobs faster than jambalaya disappears and a Clifton Chenier concert.
To solve our current problems, Washington must lead. But the way to lead is not to raise taxes...That is why Republicans put forward plans to create jobs by lowering income tax rates for working families...
Yeah. All six working families left.
But Democratic leaders in Congress -- they rejected this approach. Instead of trusting us to make wise decisions with our own money, they passed the largest government spending bill in history, with a price tag of more than $1 trillion with interest. While some of the projects in the bill make sense, their legislation is larded with wasteful spending. It includes $300 million to buy new cars for the government, $8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a "magnetic levitation" line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called "volcano monitoring."
Oh, you betcha. Anything with "levitation" in it has to have something to do with the devil, right? Luckily you have experience in those matters. And "volcano monitoring"? Right. Like we aren't going to notice when they erupt. PS: $140 million in a $1 trillion package is .014 percent. Just saying.
Democratic leaders say their legislation will grow the economy. What it will do is grow the government, increase our taxes down the line, and saddle future generations with debt. Who among us would ask our children for a loan, so we could spend money we do not have, on things we do not need?
Erm...that would be your republican administration and Congress of the last eight years.
To strengthen our economy, we need urgent action to keep energy prices down.
OK, so all those people out of work won't be buying gasoline, natural gas and heating oil. That should help prices. It's called the poverty price stabilization program.
To strengthen our economy, we also need to address the crisis in health care.
Also not a problem because people with no jobs probably don't have insurance either, so they'll be dying off leaving more for the rest of us. Sort of a republican version of natural selection if you want. Oh, sorry. Forgot you don't believe in that stuff.
To strengthen our economy, we also need to make sure every child in America gets the best possible education.
Aw, come on. How much education does it take to be able to pick up the used towels from the country club locker room and see they get to the laundry?
To strengthen our economy, we must promote confidence in America by ensuring ours is the most ethical and transparent system in the world.
And we've taken a giant step in that direction by booting the republicans out of office, so thank you for your time Governor "Bobby." Now if you'll just step over here next to the Ladies Rest Room, we'd like to have a word with you in private.

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