Republicans! Motto: After We Kill The Economy, You Can Work On Our Plantations

As denizens of the Water Winter Wonderland we have become quite convinced that the media's three favorite words are "Bankrupt," Foreclose" and "Layoff." Of course part of that is the result of Michigan's leadership position vis-a-vis the depression. We saw it first, we claimed it and we've been camped out in the slowly crumbling ruins for a couple of years now while the rest of you have gone about your over leveraged lives.

Chickens, welcome home to the roost, except we burned it for heat a couple of months ago.

Anyway, all this is by way of introducing our interest in the "Stimulus" bill that finally made its way to the House floor yesterday. You may have heard of it. It's the symbol of the new bipartisanship, the dawning of the age of Obama, of the rebirth of enlightenment, serious deliberation, consensus and compromise, of citizen statesmen imbued with the promise of democracy and determined to remake this country so that it truly is the shining city on the hill.

Of course, we could be mistaken.

After a sharply partisan debate, House of Representatives passed an $819 billion economic stimulus package designed to create millions of jobs quickly and give consumers more money to spend. The vote was 244 to 188. None of the House's 178 Republican members voted yes, despite a fresh plea for cooperation from President Barack Obama.

"The bill is extremely expensive for what you get out of it," said Rep. Michael Castle , R- Del. "Jobs, economic stability and growth, much needed improvements in long neglected but crucial elements of American infrastructure with forward looking investments that will not only pay off now, but may make the whole planet better in the future. I ask you, where's the upside of that?"

The White House tried hard to soften the partisan edges. Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel met privately with a small group of GOP moderates, but the effort was futile. "He tried to make it seem like we needed to come together for the sake of the entire country," said Rep. Mike Pence , R- Ind. "Yeah. Right. Like that's going to motivate the republican party."

The measure, which now goes to the Senate has $544 billion in spending and $275 billion in tax cuts. Highlights include a $79 billion State Fiscal Stabilization Fund , which would help state governments with education and other expenses, while $30 billion more would be targeted for highway and bridge construction projects. "See? That's just what I'm talking about," said Castle. "Where's the constitutional amendment against gay marriage? Where's the repeal of Roe v Wade? Where does it protect our borders against illegal immigrants who would take our jobs if there were any left? This country has serious problems and they're just not being addressed by this administration."

The bill also gives most taxpayers breaks of $500 each on their payroll taxes and increases tax breaks for college tuition, first-time homebuyers and child care. ""Five hundred bucks? I spend more than that on lunch," said Pence. "Five hundred bucks won't even make the boat payment. This administration is out of touch with the American people."

Republicans cited CBO estimates that the stimulus would cause the federal deficit, already estimated to reach $1.2 trillion this year, to be at $170 billion more this year and $819 billion more through 2019. "Now it's true that wouldn't be an issue if we hadn't totally bankrupted the country these last eight years," Pence said. "But that doesn't change the fact that Obama is being fiscally irresponsible trying to pull this country out of the crapper we put it in. Wait, that didn't come out right."

Some of the spending will be "wasteful," said House Minority Leader John Boehner , R- Ohio . A plan to provide funds to help consumers convert to digital television "looks like a slush fund to me," he said. "Why don't they just go out and get new TV's," he added. "You can pick up a good flat screen for a thousand or two. Heck I just bought another one for my bathroom yesterday. This is just another example of how out of touch the Obama administration is."

"I know that some are skeptical about the size and scale of this recovery plan," President Obama said. "I understand that skepticism, which is why this recovery plan will include unprecedented measures that will allow the American people to hold my administration accountable."

"And that's another problem," Boehner said. "He's taking responsibility for this. What's up with that? We're not about to get caught in the accountability trap."

"We welcome the criticism of our Republican friends," said House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer , D- Md. "But let's put that criticism in some context. Republicans have been consistently wrong on economics."

"Oh, since when has knowing what you're talking about been a necessary criterion to be a republican," Castle asked. "This is more democrats changing the subject so they don't have to face the real issue, the myth of global warming."