Florida! Motto: Less Hairy Than Apes

We're coming to you from the Fair's Fair Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central today. FiF operates in partnership with the Credit Where Credit is Due Company, a division of the Adults are in Charge Corporation.

Occasionally, we poke some fun at the good people of Florida. Well, actually we poke fun at residents still listening to the voices inside their heads, but some of the good people got caught up in that, so we're here today to give a big Ironicus Maximus Huzzah to the Florida’s state board of education who approved science standards that for the first time refer specifically to the theory of evolution, and give what many supporters say is a more coherent and concise treatment to important topics across science, such as reality.

Ahem...Huzzah!

At least 11 school boards passed resolutions opposing the proposed standards.

OK...erm...Ahem...huzzah!

That statement “could be construed to preclude the consideration of magic spirits,” Dennis K. Baxley, the executive director of the Christian Coalition of Florida, said.

"Uh...Yeah," replied a spokesperson for the board. "What part of 'coherent' didn't you understand?"

“I think they’re going a bit too far,” said Mr. Baxley, a former member of the Florida House of Reprehensibles, in an interview. “I'm not convinced we want to teach kids to reason from facts and think for themselves. I mean, if you teach someone to think, how you going to control what they think about?”

Scientists cite evidence for evolution in many fields of science—not just biology, but also anthropology, astrophysics, chemistry, geology, physics, and other areas—and find it continues to grow stronger with new discoveries. "See, that's the problem," Baxley said. "The more we learn, the more we want to learn. Where does it end?"

In recent decades, the U.S. courts have consistently ruled that attempts to teach creationism, or the Biblical view that God created the universe and all living things, in public school science classes violate the First Amendment’s prohibition against the government establishment of religion. "Oh sure, bring up the Constitution," Baxley said. "When are you guys going to quit beating us over the head with that?"

“We’ve been stymied by the E-word before,” Debra S. Walker, a member of the Monroe County school board said after the state board’s vote. “With the passage of this, I think [the state] recognized that the real E-word is ‘economy,' well, except in Baxley's case where it's E diot. HaHaHaHaHa!! I'm so clever. See what ll that book learning will do for you Dennis?"