Thursday, February 28, 2008

And He's Not So Happy With Your Fair Housing Laws Either

Now, here's a headline we never thought we'd see: Calif. Capitol chaplain says religious tolerance offends God.

If you think about it though, it makes sense. We mean, here's god, ruler of the universe, all powerful, omniscient, eternal, probably pretty good looking too in a deific sort of way. All he wants (and he is a he, so shut up) is unconditional subservience and unquestioning obedience from the creatures he made with his very own hands. Or maybe there was a kit, we're not sure.

Anyway, not too much to ask considering with a flick of his finger he could turn us all into locusts, or worse, democrats. But can he get it? Let the right Reverend Pastor Drollinger tell it:

An evangelical chaplain who leads Bible studies for California lawmakers says God is disgusted with a rival fellowship group that includes people of all faiths. "Although they are pleasant men in their personal demeanor, their group is more than disgusting to our Lord and Savior," Drollinger wrote on the Capitol Ministries' Web site.

See, here's what honks god off. It's a rival fellowship group. Does Walmart like K Mart? Does Microsoft like Apple? Does Leno like Letterman? You'd think that the guy who created the whole universe including the New York Yankees wouldn't have to worry about some B listers horning in on the worship thing. We got to tell you, the deity may be eternal, but his patience isn't.

Drollinger said "progressive religious tolerance" is an offense against God and causes harm to its practitioners. He said the other Bible study group was perpetrating a "deadly lie" by presenting Jesus as "a good moral teacher who loves everyone without distinction."

Right on Reverend Pastor. Tell it like it is. Jesus loves everybody? Where would anybody get an idea like that? Oh. Well yeah, but "the world" can mean a lot of different things. Look, the Red Sox are supposed to be "World" champions, but you know if they played the Cubans Fidel's boys would have them for lunch. And Miss World? Please. Have you ever been to the Hooters in Miami? Those girls will rock your world. W00t!

Where were we?

Senator Darrell Steinberg, a Sacramento Democrat who will serve as Senate president pro tem next year, said he found Drollinger's statements intolerant and troubling.

Hey, that's the whole point dude, intolerance. See, god's getting pretty intolerant of all these holy spirit wannabes cutting in on his worship time. How would you like it if you took time out of your day being the ultimate force in existence to create a universe or two and by way of payback people were saying, well maybe this god fellow over here has something worthwhile to say?

What kind of christian would you be then, huh mister president pro tem?

Steinberg is Jewish.

Exactly. Bring us home Reverend Pastor
Drollinger. Cast the scales from our eyes. Illuminate god's glorious plan and explain why your group is the one true and pleasing to god bible study group:

Drollinger has held Capitol Bible study for more than a decade. He is not paid by the state, but Capitol Ministries pays him $120,000 a year to minister to politicians across the country.

See. It's all about the souls, man. It's all about the souls.


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