My Name's Curt And I'm A Clintoholic

Whoa! Hey. Tuesday already? Man. We have got to pay more attention at meetings. So, anyway the week is two days old and what does it have to show for itself? Well, North Korea still has the bomb, president Bush is still torturing people, although legally now (Ain't that America?) and Curt Weldon is still crazy. And this week is different...how?

US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice left for Asia to press Washington's partners to fully enforce UN sanctions against North Korea and prepare an even tougher response if Pyongyang carries out further nuclear tests. "We've got them backed into a corner now," Rice told reporters. "We're going to really turn up the heat. What could go wrong?"

president Bush signed legislation authorizing tough interrogation of terror suspects and smoothing the way for trials before military commissions, calling it a "vital tool" in the war against terrorism. "For too long some people have believed that we have to obey our own and international laws," the president said. "Well, I'm here to tell you if we do that, the terrorists win."

Federal agents raided the homes of Representative Curt Weldon's (R-Russia) daughter and one of his closest political supporters yesterday as part of an investigation into whether the veteran Republican congressman used his influence to benefit himself and his daughter's lobbying firm, according to sources familiar with the investigation. "Well of course he used his influence to benefit himself," said an aide to the Congressman. "He's a republican isn't he? Wait, that didn't come out right."

OK, something in here has to be Clinton's fault. Anyone?

In an interview with a Pennsylvania blog Weldon outlined a left-wing conspiracy against him that included: "Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) and its head, Melanie Sloan (who filed a complaint against Weldon with the FBI -- in 2004) ... former President Bill Clinton; former CIA official Mary McCarthy; former senior Justice Department official/9-11 Commission panelist Jamie Gorelick; former national security adviser Sandy Berger ('I know what he stole -- I know why he stole it!'); and the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee."

Oh Yeah Baby! That's what we're talking about! Finally, some accountability in Washington. Ha...wait a minute. Clinton isn't in Washington anymore. OK. All right. Hang on a minute. Let's see. Uh...that's not going to work. Umm...we need a...we need...Wait! Drinking! Yeah! Curt, you got the alcoholism. You didn't know what you were doing with the pages...er...the Russians. You need the rehab.

No wait. Even better. Clinton drove you to drink because he was getting all that nookie and you were left holding the...erm...bag. OK we need to work on that a little.