Monday, April 10, 2006

With Followers Like These Who Needs Philistines?

You know, we are really beginning to wonder if Jesus can be happy with his team. First of all, he's got St. Thomas DeLay, patron saint of K Street running around telling everyone how he's all martyred up and stuff because America hates

"I believe the most damaging thing that Tom DeLay has done in his life is take his faith seriously into public office, which made him a target for all those who despise the cause of Christ," said Rick Scarborough, convener of a conference called "The War on Christians."

Right. Well that and the indictment. Oh, and the continuing investigation into influence peddling. And let's not forget the crooked staff. But heck, other than that and a few other...umm...questionable liaisons, it's all about the Jesus haters.

So here's Skybox Tommy frontin' for the one and only JC in between appearances in court. Can't make the big guy happy. But what's a savior to do? Look at the bench:

Senator Rick I used to be for creationism before I was against it Santorum.

Ralph gambling is a sin except when it's not Reed.

Tom let's all get along or I'll kill you Coburn.

Jim git them wimin and gays out of the classroom Demint.

John kill a judge for Christ Cornyn.

And of course, the captain of the squad, George I'm a compassionate conservative with tactical nuclear weapons Bush.

You see the problem. On the one side you've got Jesus Christ. Son of God. Savior of the world. Died for our sins. Rose up on the third day and returned to heaven, leaving his followers in charge. Ok so that turned out to be a bit more problematic than the good savior would have preferred, but you have to admit, even Christ probably never expected this guy in training camp.

Well, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Unless of course you're the almighty, then you can have the fruit drink of your choice, but it's beginning to look to us like the big C subscribes to the Pottery Barn theory of running the universe.

Still, we figure if El Jefe can rain death and destruction down on New Orleans for planning a gay parade, he could at least turn this guy into a frog or something.

We know it's common to second guess the coach when the team isn't performing, but what about that all powerful all knowing stuff? Couldn't he have seen this coming? Why didn't he draft better? Where are the up and comers? He needs to be thinking about that. One good prosecutor could wipe out the whole first string. Not to mention mid term elections.

We know every league has kids who shine in the minors, but just never quite make the transition to the bigs, and, excuse us for being so blunt with the ruler of the universe, but you've got a whole clubhouse full of bush leaguers right now, and no bright prospects on the horizon.

We've got a suggestion: Better scouts. Yeah. We know Moses has been with the organization a long time, but let's face it, he just doesn't have the eye anymore. We suggest bringing back this guy. Yeah, he's a little rough around the edges, and he may still be a little frosted about that whole Nicene Creed thing but it's time to shake things up a little. Besides, the lightening bolts should really help during contract negotiations.

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