Somebody Buy A F***ing Thesaurus

Finally! A politician who tells it like she sees it. An elected official who's not afraid to stand up for what she believes in and not afraid to let us know about it. If only the rest of the cowering, poll slaves that inhabit the halls of Congress had one tenth the intestinal fortitude of this women, this country would be a whole lot better off.

Nobody expects to get a letter from a member of Congress that ends with an expletive. But a letter to one of Representative Jo Ann Emerson's (R-MoFo) constituents ended with a profane, seven-letter insult beginning with the letter a — "i think you're an. ..."

Emerson says she can't explain how the offensive language made it into the letter. "Some dips***t taking f***ing dictation has the brains of a f***ing rock. We just don't f***ing talk like a bunch of f***ing sailors around here. Stupid son of a b***h."

Except for the profane reference, the letter otherwise reads like a typical response to a citizen's question about last year's testimony of oil executives before the Senate Commerce Committee. "This is f***ing Missouri for C****t's sake," said an aide to the Congresswoman. "People get all apes*** crazy if you go around talking like that. There's a bunch of really crazy conservative f***s around here."

"We cannot determine whether the addition to the letter was made by some d**k within the office or by some f***ing b*****d with access to the office, but it is on my f***ing letterhead and the f***ing responsibility for it lies with me." Emerson told reporters.

"S**t. A valuable lesson has been learned and new procedures will be adopted as a result. First off, from now on, anyone who swears in the office will have to put a dollar in the profanity jar. Got that a**holes? Oh, s**t. Anybody got change for a five?"

The man who received the letter declined to comment when reached by phone at his home. "The b***h is crazy," he told reporters. "I don't want her coming up here and getting in my face."

Spokesman Jeff Connor said that Emerson personally signed the letter, dated Feb. 15. She included a handwritten personal message at the bottom: "PS - please forgive the delay in responding, d***head."