President Determines Something Is "Unrealistic." Seventh Seal Broken

OK, a lot of people make fun of the president because he's...well...he's easy to make fun of. Can't talk, can't ride a bike, can't govern...stuff like that. If we were still in middle school he'd be the kid you push into the girl's john. Probably have red hair too.

Anyway, there are a few things the president knows a lot about and today he talked about one of them:

Bush said that those who are calling for massive deportation of the estimated 11 million foreigners living illegally in the United States are not being realistic. "Believe me I know unrealistic when I see it," the president said. "I've got plenty of experience with unrealistic. Unrealistic is my home town."

In addition to speaking, Bush was meeting with a bipartisan group of senators at the White House to press his case. "I don't know why they keep pointing out that the group is bipartisan," the president said. "Having two legs is normal. Why make a big deal of it?

Bush spoke in support of a stalled Senate bill that includes provisions that would allow for eventual citizenship to some of the illegal immigrants already here. Some conservatives say that would amount to amnesty. "Look. The way things are going I would think many members of Congress would want me to be thinking about amnesty right about now," Bush said.

The president said he thought the Senate "had an interesting approach by saying that if you'd been here for five years or less, you're treated terribly, and five years or more, you're treated badly. That's what I like about America, upward mobility."

Standing in the center of a theater in the round-type setting with an audience full of cardboard cutouts of Captain Picard, Bush spoke sympathetically about the plight of foreigners who risk their lives to sneak into the United States to earn a wage no citizen would work for. He said the U.S. needs a temporary guest worker program to stop people from paying to be smuggled in the back of a truck. "Think how many extra loads of Brussels Sprouts would get to market if we freed up all those trucks bringing people and put them to work hauling produce. Now that's what I call sound economic policy."

Bush said it's important to enforce border laws that are on the books and boasted that 6 million immigrants have been captured and turned back since he took office. "Well, if you don't count the people who turned right around and came back in, it's only 13, but still, we're making progress."

"You can be a nation of law and be a compassionate nation at the same time," he said to applause. "Just don't tell that to the folks in Guantanamo."

In a gesture to conservative critics of the measure, Republican leadership aides said last week that Senator Frist also will seek roughly $2 billion in immediate additional spending for border protection. "We're planning on using it to import tons of Chinese immigrants to take the jobs of the Mexicans, so they'll stay home." Frist told reporters. "Brilliant huh?"