But We Would Have Let Them Out On Work Release

We were saddened to see the that Republican's economic recovery plan was defeated in the house.

The two top Republicans in Congress, confronted with intermittent party attacks of conscience as well as attracting the attention of actual voters, said Tuesday they intend to pass immigration legislation that does not subject illegal immigrants to prosecution as felons.

"This was really a sweet deal for America," said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. "Not only would declaring 11 million people felons have created all sorts of job openings in the criminal justice field, but it would have helped the construction industry as well."

When asked to explain, Representative James Sensenbrenner, (R-Whitey) said that a massive building campaign to expand the nation's prisons would be necessary to house all the newly convicted immigrants. Pressed on how to pay for such a massive program Representative Sensenbrenner said, "That's the beauty part. We hire the illegal aliens to build the prisons at a fraction of the cost. This is the classic win win. Well, was until the liberals and bleeding hearts screwed it up."

"This debate shouldn't be about making criminals out of hardworking families ... but rather about strengthening our national security and enacting a law that reflects our best values and our humanity," Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Bleeding Heart) said.

"That's liberal baloney," said Representative Tom Tancredo. (R-Gringo) "Look, if we leave these people in the country long enough they're going to become citizens. And once they become citizens they're probably going to vote. You think they're going to vote for the people who are trying to throw them in jail? It's just common sense to get rid of them now while we still can."

The question of a penalty for illegal immigrants dogged the debate for months and been the subject of intense political maneuvering. Finally though, the attempt failed on a vote of 257-164. In their statement, Hastert and Senate Majority Leader Frist said the Democrats had demonstrated a "lack of compassion."

When asked how voting against a bill that would instantly reclassify 11 million men, women and children as felons demonstrated a "lack of compassion." Frist replied that he wasn't talking about the Mexicans. "I mean how much harder have they made it for me to suck up to the wingnut base and get that presidential endorsement I'm looking for. These Democrats don't care about anyone but themselves."