We're Mad As Hell And We May Put Up With It Some More

Oh you've stepped in it now Alberto. You went just one toke over the line and now you're going to have Arlen Specter all up in your grill.

Senator Specter said he believes that President Bush violated a 1978 law specifically calling for a secret court to consider and approve such monitoring. The Pennsylvania Republican branded Gonzales' explanations to date as "strained and unrealistic."

Yeah baby. That's what we're talking about. No more Mr. Bend Over, no more Mr. Don't Make Karl Angry, no more Mr. Let's Ask the Vice President First. Gonzales, prepare that butt for a beating.

First we swear Gonzales. Specter decided that he did not want him to be sworn.

Right on man. You...wait a minute...Gonzales won't be sworn in? This is the guy that said it is "not the policy or the agenda of this president" to authorize actions that conflict with existing law even though he knew the president had already authorized warrantless wiretaps. Umm...isn't that, like, a lie or something?

Arlen...Hello...the guy's relationship to the truth is...how do you say...damaged. Shouldn't you put a little pressure on him? Oh, wait. This is the pro-choice Senator that voted for Alito. Sorry. Our bad.

"This administration has chosen to act now to prevent a Democratic victory in November with every tool at its disposal, rather than wait until people actually start to pay attention to what we've been up to," Gonzales said, arguing that seeking more explicit authorization from the U.S. Congress would have complicated Karl Rove's plan and wasted time.

"Well, you've been a very bad boy,"" said Senator Specter. "And I don't think you should do that again. Well, unless Karl says we need it I mean."

Gonzales said he could not discuss how the program works, as skeptics of the program have demanded. "An open discussion of the operational details of this program would put the Republican majority at risk," he said.

Specter suggested that the program's legality be reviewed by a special federal court. "I just need to get this out of the hearing room," Specter explained. "Those darn democrats are getting a little too feisty. When we going to invade Iran anyway? That'll shut them up."

Gonzales initially sidestepped the question, but then said he would have no objection to such a review. "We own most of the judges anyway," he said. "What the heck, let's go for it. Just get a judge who's a veteran so if he does rule against us we can sic the Swift Boaters on him."

Gonzales argued that Congress did, in fact, authorize the president in September 2001 to use military force in the war on terror. "It was right there in the footnote on page 847. You guys really need to start reading the laws before you pass them," he said.

Senator Dianne Feinstein told Specter last week that he should compel the Justice Department to turn over classified legal opinions on the program, using subpoenas if necessary. Specter said he's open to that. "If the necessity arises, I won't be timid," he said. Shortly after that Vice President Cheney crept up behind Senator Specter and said "Boo!" causing the Senator to wet his pants.