UAE. That's A Country? I Thought It Was The Dockworker's Union

Now we're confused. Like all Americans who have their minds right, we thought we'd gotten this whole Post 9/11 world view straight thanks to folks like Bill O'Reilly (motto: Falafel, it's for lovers) and Ann Coulter (motto: If I'd gotten attention as a child I wouldn't have to do this). We thought it was Down with Brown. Now we find out Brown Rocks the Dock.

We don't know whizzy, but this shizzay is F-U-Double-Nizzy as hell, yo?

president Bush, after he had been briefed by reporters on the sale, faced a split with key congressional allies when he decided to back a deal that will put an Arab company in charge of operations at six major US ports and threatened to veto congressional measure threatening it. "This deal will go through," the president said. "And you know why? Two words: Dick Cheney."

"If there were any chance that this transaction wouldn't make a bundle for my rich friends...er...our allies in the Middle East, it would not go forward," he added.

Bush suggested that going back on the arrangement would be viewed dimly by US allies in the Middle East. "Look, except for the ones who want to blow us up, we have a lot of friends in the region. After invading a sovereign nation on a false pretext we don't want them to think our word can't be trusted."

After also having the program explained to him by members of the press, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld praised the United Arab Emirates as a reliable ally in the war on terror. "Sure they are one of three countries in the world to recognize the Taliban, have been a key transfer point for illegal shipments of nuclear components, transferred money to the 9/11 hijackers through the UAE banking system and are not cooperating in efforts to track down Osama Bin Laden’s bank accounts, but that doesn't mean they aren't on our side."

Even staunch Bush allies complained that the administration did not consult with lawmakers before allowing the sale to proceed. "This White House did nothing to communicate with Congress about our cut on this deal," Republican Representative Curt Weldon. "We're not going to allow this to happen unless we get our sumpin sumpin. Know what I'm saying?"

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said the contract raised "serious questions regarding the safety and security of our homeland. It also gives me a chance to get my presidential campaign back on the road, but that's just a coincidence."

The US business community also has joined the debate: the Miami, Florida-based Continental Stevedoring and Terminals Inc. complained in a court filing that the takeover would force it to become an "involuntary partner" with Dubai's government and "may endanger the profitability of the company."

"You've got to be greasing those Arabs' hands every time you turn around," said a company spokesperson. "It's a lot more costly than paying off a union official or two."