Is Are President Edumacated?

We're beginning to think that maybe the president shouldn't be let out to talk so much anymore. Nothing personal against him or anything. We're sure he's a nice guy, loves puppies, can count to ten on his own, stuff like that.

It just seems it's got to get a little embarrassing for his staff to have to go out after his speeches and say he didn't really mean those things that he said.

One day after President Bush vowed to reduce America's dependence on Middle East oil by cutting imports from there 75 percent by 2025, his energy secretary and national economic adviser said Wednesday that the president didn't mean it literally. "The president's a pretty poetic fellow," said Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. "So when he said America was addicted to oil, what he really meant was that the rose of love also has thorns."

Asked why the president used the words "the Middle East" when he didn't really mean them, one administration official said Bush "is the war president, not the geography president. Look. The guy thinks Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs out of the garden of Eden. We're having a tough time explaining some of these issues in words he can understand." The official spoke only on condition of anonymity because he feared that his remarks might get him in trouble.

Bush believes that new technologies could reduce the total daily U.S. oil demand by about 5.26 million barrels through alternatives. "We need to develop technologies like on the Flintstones," the president said. "That fella Fred, he gets around like gangbusters and he don't use no gasoline at all. That's a funny show. I like that show." At that point aides hastily ended the news conference.

See what we mean? Then you have the whole manimal thing. Bush said, "Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human animal hybrids."

"No real story there," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "The president's has always been a big fan of Spider Man. Somebody thought it would be funny to give him a DVD of The Fly. Scared the heck out of him. He'll be OK though, as soon as Laura can convince him it was just a movie."

And this isn't the first time this has happened. During the Plame investigation Bush said he would fire anyone who leaked the agent's name. When it began to look like the leak came from his own White House his pledge was "repurposed" and became "Look over there! 9/11! 9/11!."

And that brings us to the warrantless wiretapping program. Bush said, "Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires — a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we’re talking about chasing down terrorists, we’re talking about getting a court order before we do so."

"That's just a little misunderstanding," said McClellan. "When the president was talking about a court order he was talking about a little sub shop on Lexington called Court's Submarine and Pizza. We work late you know and sometimes have to order in."

Hmmm...If you say so. Still, it seems to us that if they let the president speak less, they'd have more time to explain why the war in Iraq is worth it, why student aide isn't being cut and how old people are getting the drugs they need.