Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Wanted: School Board Members. Apes Need Not Apply

So, you think the drama of this election yesterday was between New Jersey and Virginia? You think people really worried about the anti gay marriage amendment passing in Texas. Again. (Motto: Everything is bigger in Texas. Even discrimination) Well. That just shows how little you know.

The real question in yesterday's election was would Kansas snatch back the coveted title of Whacko Central from long time title holder and reigning champ, California? The votes are in folks and it was no contest. Kansas has regained the crown they lost four years ago when residents voted out the state school board and elected people who could read.

Well, there's a new sheriff in town now, pilgrim and he ain't about to put up with no monkey business. The Kansas Board of Education voted Tuesday that students will be expected to study Intelligent (sic) Design along with small e volution because of the "doubts" about Darwin's theory. When asked what those doubts were, Board member Kathy Martin said, "They were the doubts that I mostly used to hear from the voices in my head, but I wrote them down for the students."

"This is a great day for education. This is one of the best things that we can do. This absolutely teaches more about science," said Steve E. Abrams, the Kansas board chairman. "Now our students will reap the benefits of the greatest minds of the 19th century."

Members of the Kansas majority insisted that science motivated them. Board member Iris Van Meter said, "This isn't about religion at all. I know that because God spoke to me in a dream and said it wasn't."

Member Kenneth Willard accused the scientific establishment of having "blind faith in evolution." When asked if he wasn't the one having the blind faith since the weight of scientifically collected evidence supports evolution, Willard replied, "Get thee behind me Satan."

Asked to comment on the loss of the Whacko Central title to Kansas for the second time, California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "We'll be back."

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