Tuesday, November 29, 2005

If You're A 'Guest' Worker Do You Still Have To Be Paid?

You have to feel sorry for president Bush. We mean after all, God told him if he'd just sober up he could become president and bring Jesus...er we mean democracy to the heathens...umm... downtrodden and oppressed.

So he held up his end of the bargain, sort of, and look what it got him. The number of things he can talk about in public without wearing his radio receiver has dwindled to Barney and immigration.

"Illegal immigration is a serious challenge and our responsibility is clear: We are going to protect the border," Bush said. "I have instructed Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld to draw up a plan for the invasion of Mexico. Or is it Syria? I don't remember. All those brown people countries look alike to me."

After spending nearly a week at his ranch in Crawford dodging Cindy Sheehan, Bush went on the road to pitch his immigration plan. "Illegal immigrants may carry the WMD's that we didn't find in Iraq, "Bush told reporters. "How many nuclear devices are we going to allow to be buried in the gardens of rich people around the nation? How many children will we allow to swear at their parents in Spanish?"

The president has been urging Congress to act on a guest-worker program for more than a year. "We intend to invite only certain people to immigrate," said press Secretary Scott McClellan. "The president feels that way they will be more respectful of our traditions, like minimum wage and no benefits."

"This program would help meet the demands of a growing economy," Bush said. "The program will create a legal way to match foreign workers with American employers to fill jobs that Americans will not do, like join the military."

Bush said his plan would reduce the number of workers trying to sneak across the border and free law enforcement officials to nab criminals, drug dealers and terrorists. "Guest workers will be required to dress in casual business attire so we can tell them from the criminals."

"The program that I propose would create an automatic path to service sector employment," Bush said. "But there would be a language test for those who wanted to drive taxicabs."

"Language alone does not work," Senator John Cornyn said. "Unless we address the relationship between foreign cabbies and the display of religious icons in their cabs, cultural confusion will increase and Americans may be forced to use public transportation."

The Senate has postponed its work on immigration proposals until early next year, partly because Senator Frist is still mad at Senator Reid for calling the senate into special session and not providing refreshments. The House hopes to tackle some border security measures before adjourning, but lawmakers may lose their quorum as colleagues go to jail.

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