We've Got To Find A Way To Blame This On Clinton

We have to admit that whole red state blue state thing confuses us a little. If red states are where the righteous people are supposed to live, why did they choose the devil's color? And why do they do things like this?

Representative Don "I was just giving her a back rub" Sherwood repeatedly punched and choked a Maryland woman during a “five-year intimate relationship” with her, according to a lawsuit filed Wednesday.

Sherwood would not comment on the lawsuit. “He hasn't seen the suit,” said Sherwood’s spokesman, Jake O’Donnell. "He's been locked up in the bathroom since it was announced."

The complaint states that throughout the long-term relationship, Sherwood repeatedly struck Cynthia Ore on her face, neck, chest and back; violently yanked her hair; and tried to strangle her.

"We're sure she's just misinterpreting his actions," O'Donnell said. "He does the same thing to us all the time." Ore stated she lived with Sherwood in Washington for much of the relationship and that he repeatedly promised to marry her and start a family.

"OK, he's never promised us anything like that," O'Donnell said," well, I'm only speaking for myself, but he's a really gentle, big hearted guy." Ore plans to pursue obtaining a restraining order against Sherwood forbidding him from having contact with her. "When he's not drinking," the spokesman added.

Sherwood, who is married and has three daughters, struck Ore on her face and body with a closed fist while she attempted to sleep and he began “violently choking her.” "She fell asleep during sex," according to O'Donnell. "How would that make you feel?"

“This unprovoked, cowardly, brutal and vicious attack occurred without warning,” the suit states. "We contest that," O'Donnell said. "When Don starts shouting 'Who's Your Daddy,' everyone knows to shout 'You are Pappy.'"

Police, responding to a 911 call at Sherwood’s apartment last September 15 initially said she was choked, then changed her story, saying “nothing happened.”

"And if you don't think I had to call in just about every favor the Congressman has done since he's been here to get that one fixed, you're living in La La land," O'Donnell said.

The lawsuit says on Sept. 22, Sherwood threatened Ore, saying he'd harm her if she made any further attempts to tell police about the assaults.

"That's another misunderstanding," O'Donnell said. "When Don said 'break your friggin' neck like a dry twig,' what he meant was 'help you get counseling.'"

Sherwood has not returned phone calls to the Pennsylvania paper which broke the story about the incident since April 29, when he tried to convince an editor not to publish a story on Ore’s contentions. "He said he'd give me a back rub and explain the whole thing," Associate Editor Nancy Pellagrini said, "But when he said he wanted to meet in the state park at midnight I declined."