Wednesday, June 01, 2005

It's Not A Problem Unless You Say It's A Problem. Or You Get Blown Up.

Every dog has his day, our old daddy used to say, and if he's a good dog, he has two days. It's beginning to look as if Bush the younger has not been a very good dog.

We draw your attention to this article which details the recent harsh of W's mellow by that old rapscallion, reality. Faced with a string of setbacks on Capitol Hill, Bush shrugged off questions about his political clout. "What? Me Worry?" the president said, quoting his favorite philosopher.

Bush said his policies in Iraq, Iran, and North Korea were working. When asked how he knew the polices were working the president responded, "Hey, Don't you watch the news? Don't you listen to the radio? Don't you get the internets? Don't you read the paper? Well, don't worry. As your president I pay people to do that, and what they miss the Vice President catches."

He denounced as "absurd" a report by Amnesty International that compared the U.S. treatment of terrorism suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to a Soviet-era gulag. "That is just rude," Bush said. "The gulags were all cold and stuff. We keep our prisoners in very favorable climates."

When asked how he could criticize Amnesty International now when before the invasion of Iraq he had used their reports of abuse of human rights to justify his attack, the president said, "That was before. They've gone over to the dark side now."

The president held firm to his domestic policy agenda even though Congress — including some Republicans — has balked at much of it. "They really don't like it? Are you sure," the president asked when told of Republican resistance to Social Security, the Bolton nomination, a free-trade pact with Central America, an immigration guest worker program and his opposition to legislation to expand embryonic stem-cell research. "You better check your sources boys. Cheney told me everybody is happy as a pig in slop. Why just the other day McCain was giving me the thumbs up sign as he passed by my office. At least I think it was his thumb."

"One thing is for certain, getting things done takes a president willing to push people to do hard things because lord knows I don't want to do anything hard."

Bush denied there was an increase of strength in the Iraqi insurgency, whose attacks have been on the rise since a new government was announced April 28. He said the Iraqi government would be "plenty capable of dealing with them if they knew which ends of their guns to point at the bad guys. With the help of American training they'll be less likely to blow their own heads off," Bush said.

When asked how he defined "progress" the president said he thought it pretty much had to do with taking back Baghdad. "We're definitely winning," he said, "Heck we've only been there three years. As soon as we can secure the capitol things will start going our way. Well, if we don't run out of troops first."

Bush also defended his approach to North Korea, denying he has allowed the government there to expand its nuclear program. "For those who say that we ought to be using our military to solve the problem, I would say heck no. Iraq couldn't even fight back and look what a mess we made of that. North Korea. Now them boys is packing. I ain't about to get all up in their grill," the president said, quoting his favorite rapper Ali G.

Later, Bush and his wife, Laura, had dinner with former Secretary of State Colin Powell and his wife, Alma, at the Powells' home in McLean, Va. The president spilled his milk again and thus was not allowed to have dessert.

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