Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog remember the boundless vistas of youth, now a barren and dessicated landscape of broken promises and abandoned hopes...erm...we mean remember overlords James Bloom and James Grace who made the news a while back for their innovative treatment of injured greyhounds. Like all ground breakers and paradigm shifters though, they were mocked and shunned by the establishment. In fact, the backlash against these death track Galileos, these disposable dog Louis Pasteurs, these just walk it off Ignaz Semmelweises has become so bad, it has apparently forced them to go on the lam.

Authorities believe two men accused of abusing an injured racing greyhound have fled prosecution. “I can only assume based on the circumstantial evidence that they left as a result of the investigation that was ongoing,” Brooke County Prosecutor Joseph Barki said Monday afternoon.

Hey, come on there Mr. Barki. That's a bit of a stretch don't you think? Why would you flee when truth is on your side? Everyone knows the overlords place the care of the units...uh..the greyhounds above all else. If you question their methods it's because you don't know what they know; you don't understand the complicated and sophisticated nature of exploiting innocent living creatures for (no) profit...um...we mean investing copious amounts of money and time to develop superior athletes who, perforce, must receive only top notch care if they are to perform to the full potential of their skills. Why it's entirely possible that they've gone on a mission with their church to Belize, or Guatemala, or some other third world nation that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the US.

James P. Grace and James E. Bloom are accused of denying care to an injured greyhound.

Oh sure, that's what you say, but didn't the church also say Galileo was wrong?  Didn't the scientific community refuse to believe Pasteur's explanation for  fermentation?  Didn't Ignaz Semmelweis' colleagues refuse to believe him when he said washing hands saves lives? Face it, you're on the outside looking in and what appears to you on the surface as abuse, may be only the tip of a complicated and sophisticated treatment regimen which is beyond your capability to fathom. Why do people always react so negatively to things they don't understand?

“I told him that I thought she should go to the vet. Her leg was bleeding, dangling, she couldn’t put weight on it,” Bloom said, referring to Grace, in a statement to commission investigators “It looked broken, she was wobbly, she’d try but she couldn’t.”

OK, bleeding and dangling. We have to admit that looks pretty bad. Now, we know aspirin helps with headaches, but bleeding and dangling? Even overlord Bloom had his doubts about that one.

Barki said his office reviewed the information provided and concluded, after their own investigation, there was enough evidence to charge both men with misdemeanors.

Yeah. Now we're as much into innovation and discovery as the next guy, and we think we're pretty open minded when it comes to things we don't fully understand, but bleeding and dangling? Think we're gonna have to go with Mr. Barki here fellas. 

"However, both men have fled this area, with addresses now unknown, and have yet to be served with these criminal complaints.” Barki said. Law enforcement looked at other addresses affiliated with the men but didn’t have any luck, Barki said. Their names have since been entered into a national criminal database for outstanding warrants. It’s not uncommon for people facing even misdemeanor charges to flee, Barki said. Many in the greyhound racing industry aren’t originally from West Virginia either.

Well, in Bloom and Grace's defense, when you're a pariah you do tend to move around a lot. Sort of like pedophiles, you know? People tend to get testy when they find out they're living next to an overlord.

Attempts by the Daily Mail to contact Grace, Bloom and Cardinal Kennel owner Robert Mackey were unsuccessful. Myers, the commission’s acting director, and Sam Burdette, head of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.

Holy crap, everybody's disappeared! This may not be a simple case of fleeing justice. We could be talking about...Alien Abduction! What do you think Gareth? Seen any bright lights in the sky lately?

I am a very playful and gentle boy. I like to bark when I play because I am so happy and having so much fun. I am very calm. I love to be around people but I’m not clingy. I just like to know someone is there. I am safe with kitties and dogs of all sizes. I am housebroken. I am working on going up and down the stairs but I have not quite mastered it yet so I may need a little help learning. I do not mind if I have to be in my crate. I get along great with kids of all ages. I actually love everyone I meet and I love to give kisses and be petted.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Message Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Wishful Thinking Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of LALALALA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU, Inc.

First up, the overlords, not really known for their tight grasp on reality, or their ability to see the writing on the wall until that wall comes crashing down on them. Take it away, Gary Dura.

After a wonderful week off work, one filled with relaxation, chores and greyhound racing, it’s time to work up a list.We’ll take a look at five of the tops dogs at Dubuque Greyhound Park thus far.

Mr. Dura, it seems, is quite excited about the ongoing exploitation of innocent living creatures at the Dubuque Deathcamp for greyhounds, particularly one specific unit designated Superior Product.

Superior Product. He’s back. The Dubuque Inaugural champion has 10 races, going 6-2-0-1, all in Grade A. Right now, he’s the cream of the crop.

We're not sure whether it says more about the mental capacities of the overlords in general, or Mr. Dura's abilities in math, but 6-2-0-1 equals nine, not 10. Perhaps Superior Product is Schrodinger's greyhound and both raced and didn't race in that 10th contest, but leave that for now, that's not important because there is about to be a healthy (for the greyhounds anyway) dose of precipitation applied to Mr. Dura's cavalcade of cruelty in the form of the Iowa Legislature.

State regulators have set the process in motion to get the casinos in Council Bluffs and Dubuque out of greyhound racing.

 This is what's known in the profession as an owie. But wait you say, surely this can't be all there is to it. Why would the good people of Iowa turn their backs on the commodification of living creatures for (no) profit? It can't be as bad as you say, Ironicus. There must be an alternative, a bright spot--if you can call the continued death and injury of hundreds of greyhounds a year bright.

Well, you are correct astute reader(s).

The legislature passed and the governor signed a bill that shuts down the Council Bluffs track and shifts the management of dog racing in Dubuque to the Iowa Greyhound Association.

In the strongest evidence we've come across yet that there is a god--and he has a wicked sense of humor--the overlords have been given complete control of the Dubuque track. No subsidies. No tax breaks. No handouts. Just overlords warming themselves with large piles of cash set on fire by their stupidity and callousness.

The deal reached in the legislation has the Council Bluffs casino pay $65 million over the next seven years, and the Dubuque casino will pay one million dollars a year into the fund. Half of that money goes into the retirement fund and the other half can be used by those who remain in the industry to run the Dubuque Greyhound Park.

 "[T]hose who remain in the industry to run the Dubuque Greyhound Park," or as they are more commonly known, those who possess the intelligence level and business acumen of gefilte fish. Perhaps that's a slam against gefilte fish who probably would have been smart enough to TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. Well, if they had legs that is. Still, if we have inadvertently defamed any members of the poached mixture of ground boned fish, such as carp, whitefish or pike by implying that their mental capabilities are on a par with those of the overlords, we sincerely apologize.

Back to Mr. Dura.

Dubuque has the first round of the King and Queen stakes Friday night. It features 24 males and 24 females in separate brackets, three qualifying rounds and the top four from each bracket making the July 4th finals.

 Well, providing none of the units are injured or killed, but Mr. Dura's enthusiasm seems to be genuine. Apparently he is convinced that since no one came to the tracks before and they were forced to suck money off of the casinos like a black hole with an eating disorder just to keep from folding like a bunch of girl Scouts at an origami class, people will come out to the tracks now that the overlords have to reach into their own pockets to make sure a bunch of helpless greyhounds remain in harm's way.

There seems to be a flaw in that line of reasoning, don't you agree Quigley?

I am a handsome boy who has a lot of great energy and I love to play. I get along great with the other Greyhounds in my foster home but I have not met any small dogs yet. I sometimes like to chase my foster kitties but when my foster dad tells me “no,” I stop chasing them. I have loved everyone I have met so far. I walk very well on my leash. I love to play with my toys. I am housebroken.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're going to take a time out this week from our usual slog through the twisted and stunted dystopia that is the blasted landscape of greyhound exploitation and tell you about a very good friend of ours whom we never met. She was a tireless advocate for greyhound freedom recognized around the world by people in and out of the racing industry. In addition to her work for greyhound liberation, she was also a professional athlete and fashion model.

Even though she didn't become active in greyhound advocacy until later in her life, she participated in many anti-racing campaigns, including the Massachusetts ban on greyhound racing in 2009, and the campaigns in Rhode Island and New Hampshire to name a few. Everywhere she went she drew crowds and became the living embodiment of the future greyhounds deserved and the increasing possibility that working together we could achieve that future for all the greyhounds still held in captivity. Earlier this week she lost her battle with cancer. She will be well and truly missed. Below is our favorite photo of her:

Oh, Zoe is the one on the left. We think she's looking at a picture of Rory Goree walking around the track at Tucson in his bare feet.

Wish you could have known her Kiowa. Her ability to inspire people was a big reason you're now heading for a couch.

I am very puppy like and a little mischievous. I am very curious of everything around me. I love to stick my nose in everything and investigate. I am very playful and sweet. I love to be rubbed and petted. I love to run and play outside with all the other Greyhounds in my foster home. I got along great with the neighbor’s small dogs. I have absolutely loved everyone I have met. I am housebroken.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging (Thursday Edition)

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the one constant in this life is decline...erm...we mean know that above all else we strive for egalitie here in the marbled halls of IM Central, along with libertie and fraternite which is pretty much all we remember from Mrs. LePage's 11th grade French class, except for the week we spent learning to say "ne 'on veut sortir avec moi," which we then tried on Elizabeth Arlen in the hopes that we could impress her with our European suaveity. She instantly replied "Jamais de la vie perdant," which sent us excitedly back to our French to English dictionary...and then to the local grocery for our favorite comfort food, RC Cola and a package of Snowballs.

What was our point? Oh yeah, egalitie--equality, balance, fairness. Our rumination along these lines--aside from reviving an unfortunate high school memory--brought us to the realization that since we were late with our usual FHB last week, being early this week would restore the stars to their proper orbits, the seasons to their proper balance, and America to the nation it once was, instead of a fever swamp populated by creatures with small minds and even smaller hearts.

OK that last one may be a bit much to hope for. Apparently endless war tends to bruise one's humanity--permanently. And speaking of bruised humanity (Segues. Gotta love 'em) let's head down to Tucson Deathcamp for Greyhounds and check on the superior level of care and support the units...erm...the highly trained athletes,who are the beneficiaries of large investments of time and money, are receiving today.

Record heat in Tucson Monday led to some questions about whether it was safe for greyhounds to race.

Now, frankly we're surprised that this is even still an issue because a few years ago, roustabout scientist and friend of the blog Rory Goree put this whole issue to rest by walking around the track on a hot day in his bare feet. So, overfed, undereducated, middle aged doofis strolling around the track on a hot day, sweating from every pore on his body equals greyhounds running flat out with only panting to cool themselves. It's science people. You can't argue with facts.

Tucson Greyhound Park would not comment Monday.  But the Arizona Department of Racing listed several reasons why racing could continue.

"Well, the biggest reason is if they don't race they don't make money," said Bill Walsh, Director of the Arizona Department of Racing. "Of course when they do race they don't make money either," he added, "So I guess they have to race, but racing isn't profitable, so if they didn't race everyone would be better off, especially the dogs, but by racing they don't make money and the dogs are put at risk, but they need to make money so they keep racing which doesn't make them any money. I've lost my train of thought."

Oh that train's not lost Billy boy, it's lying in a smouldering heap down at the bottom of the ravine.

"Give the dogs a break, for gosh sakes, if the ADOR cared, they'd issue this edict themselves but that's what I would prefer the track do, show that they do have a little bit of concern for the dogs' well-being," said Ward 6 Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik.

Hey come on Mr. Kozachik, haven't you been listening? They need to race, which doesn't make money, so racing is the only way they can make money. We can't make it more clear than that, right Dahlia?

Dahlia is an eight year old brindle female who likes cats and small dogs, but could also be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging (Monday Edition)

Oh Friday, you mischievous scamp you! How did you manage to slip through the marbled halls of IM Central without notice? Our backs were turned but for a second it seemed and you were gone like the first bird song wafted away on the breath of dawn. A half remembered dream, a vague, sliver of an image caught between the fleeing shadows. Where are you Friday? You have disappeared into that vast remoteness of before and now even your memory slips from us, vanishing into the now, like the mist over the sun wakened fields.

Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking. "Man up Ironicus. You blew the one thing that gives this blog even the hint of a socially redeeming value and now you're trying to hide behind a bunch of purple prose."

Come on. What do you want from us? It's not like we're being paid to do this, you know? When's the last time you clicked on the 'Donate Now' button? And don't give us that there is no donate button either because that's just the kind of little technicality we'd expect you to try.

And speaking of donate, let's donate some time to the overlords (Segues. We love 'em). For those of you keeping score at home, Iowa Governor Branstad signed the Greyhound Freedom Act which means that the last two tracks in Iowa will be closed by the end of next year if not before. Oh, there was that one part of the agreement where the overlords want to run the track at Mystique on their own dime without subsidies or tax breaks. Like we said, the last two tracks in Iowa will be closed by the end of next year if not before.

Well, as you might imagine this was a lot for the overlords to process, what with going from two non-profitable tracks to no non-profitable tracks in such a short period of time and it prompted overlord Leon Giguere to take to the airways with some deep thoughts.

Overlord Giguere tells us he has "mixed emotions" about the agreement because his preference would have been to keep "all" the tracks open instead of just the one that will flame ingloriously out within a year. Look on the bright side Mr. G. They're only closing half the tracks. The other half will remain open and losing money just like before.

The G man is also concerned about his fellow overlords and what might happen to them when they can no longer suck a buck off a pup. This is a valid concern and one we would share were it not for the $64 mill the casinos are forking over to get out from under the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit. Don't worry too much about it Leon. Think of how long it would have taken the industry to come up with $64 million on its own drawing two bucks a pop off social security recipients. Your retirement plan just got a lot more flush.

Hey Ivy, what kind of payout did you get when you retired?

Ivy is a six and a half year old brindle female who's not into cats, but doesn't mind small dogs, likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, is not into yoga, and has half a brain. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

It occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central that we may have made a strategic mistake. All these years we've been writing about the overlords and their unlucky associates, the units...erm...we mean the inventory...no, that's not it...highly trained athletes in which copious amounts of time and effort are invested. Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, the problem, as it now occurs to us, is that we've been writing about the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit when everyone knows a picture is worth a 1000 words, plus you don't have all that pesky grammar and spelling and making sense and stuff. Always a challenge when one's blogging partner is Mr. Stolichnaya.

So this week we present for your edification and enlightenment the equivalent of 1000 words on the life and times of a skinny dog sans his overlord. Now, for those of you of a suspicious bent, we know what you are thinking. "This doesn't sound like you Ironicus, except for the part about trying to get out of work so you have more time to spend with your blogging partner."

Oops. Looks like you got us there perceptive reader(s). Well, as long as you don't click on the photo that is. Would not click on that photo. Nope don't do it. Do not click on that photo. No good will come of it.

Nice hat, huh Tyler?

Snuggly and smart, this handsome fellow is very inquisitive. He's playful and very good company. Tyler has a passion for food, so never trust him, no matter what he tells you!! This boy should be in sales with his schmoozing! ! Did we mention smart? Tyler has been busy learning home etiquette and rules. He's getting along nicely with his foster sibs.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

One thing you can say about the overlords...well...there are a lot of things you can say about the overlords, but this is a family blog, so we're not going to say most of them. The one thing we do want to say is they never let an attack on the tick-like existence they lead go unanswered. This isn't as hard as it seems though, because no matter what you say to them their response is always the same.  We have to kind of admire that because it's much simpler to just ignore the reality of death and injury you cause and keep repeating the same talking points over and over like some sort of incantation that will magically cast a spell over people with souls and cause them to forget that you exploit innocent living creatures for (no) profit. We mean, what's the alternative? Face up to the fact that you're responsible for the injury, death and abandonment of hundreds, perhaps thousands of greyhounds? Man. Imagine looking in a mirror every morning and seeing the faces of all those dogs you put in harm's way, who died trying to earn you a trailer payment. Obviously, deluding yourself is the only way to get through the day.

Which brings us to one Elenore Sobel, the Florida Legislator who tried to get the Greyhound Sanity Act through the legislature, and almost succeeded until she ran into weapons grade doofus Will Weatherford. Now Senator Sobel has penned an editorial in which she respectfully asks Mr. Weatherford how many time he was dropped on his head as a child. We're going to go with one more than necessary to produce a man with the mental acuity of dental floss, but  our interest here isn't so much with Mr. Weatherford's inability to tell his elbow from a hole in the ground as it is with the comments of the overlords who come to his defense. For example, overlord Rich Borgadus opines:

Since this completely inaccurate letter is most certainly satire, my only question is how much money "Senator" Sobel lined her pocket with in writing such obvious fallacies.

Now, we all know "Not True!" is a common overlord response when presented with a truth about the heartless barbarity of their "sport," but what makes this iteration of an overlord talking point remarkable is the comment immediately before in which overlord Leslie Csokasy declaims:

I actually have each and every report since May 2013. From May 2013 - Dec 2013 there were 73 deaths. In January - March, 2014, there were 28 deaths total. Over half of these, iwere(sic) on track and many could have been mitigated by the three point safety plan. The remainder of the deaths that occurred were from real life illness or congenital issues...

 So, just before overlord Bogardus dismisses Seantor Sobel's argument as "inaccurate" overlord Csokasey explains its accuracy. What are we to make of this, other than overlord Borgardus is too dumb to read what he's commenting on. Perhaps overlord Csokasey failed to read the memo detailing how arguments against the humanity of sacrificing sentient living creatures at the altar of (no) profit should be dealt with by obfuscating, dissembling and distorting. Pay attention at the meetings Csokasey. Overlord Conway, the next commentator doesn't want to have to explain to to you again.

But before we move on to overlord Conway's comment, we'd like to take a moment and discuss the "3 point plan" Overlord Csokasey refers to. Now, we've dealt with this before, but never really got to the crux of the question which is, why do the overlords think they need legislative action to have a 3 point plan? Well, the short answer is because the mean track owners won't spend the money to upgrade their tracks, thus forcing the overlords to race their dogs in unsafe conditions. It's not like the overlords could refuse to let their dogs run or anything, you know boycott and stuff. Besides, it's just the dogs that get hurt. You can always get another dog.

But back to overlord Conway:

Do human athletes have a call book so we can ban them from running? DO dogs playing in parks keep records of injuries? The greyhounds lead a wonderful life. They are pampered, massaged and allowed to run free for great chunks of the day. When they want to rest, they rest. When they want to play, they play. Go and LOOK with your own eyes the incredible close relationship between dogs and trainers. Happy dogs win. Unhappy dogs don't run.

 Now see overlord Csokasey? That's how its done. A whole paragraph in response that doesn't come within a parsec of the point Senator Sobel was making. Why, the only taking point that's missing is the one about how the dogs love to run in a circle chasing a lure so their owners can afford a happy meal on the way home. Did we get that right Aster? You've probably heard it more times than we have.

Handsome Aster is a silly hound. He dreams of being a guard dog! This big boy is not your ordinary guard dog. He will alert you to emergency and law enforcement presence by howling (sometimes called singing) along with the sirens... in case you were in doubt. He is only good at this in emergencies... LOL. Okay, he's not any kind of a guard dog. He runs to the door to sing with TV sirens too. Goofy boy! And guard dogs cannot be caught running from the garbage can when the sensor opens it ! Aster is in foster learning house rules and busy exploring new things. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recognize the flash of awareness that leads the low rumble of futility drawing ever closer...erm...we mean will recognize the name Rory Goree, long time friend of the blog, knockabout scientist and High Commissioner of the Arizona Department of Racing, donut procurement division. Well, it seems Mr. Goree has a problem. No not that problem. That's not as much a problem as a character fault. Mr. Goree's problem is that in the past few months he has  penned at least two  columns using evidenced based logic--if by evidenced based logic you mean innuendo, unsubstantiated claims and sweeping generalizations--challenging the animal rights wackos to come clean and admit they aren't really in it for the dogs, but just want to tap into some of the sweet, sweet muneez that swirls around greyhound rescue. This brings up an interesting point. Mr. Goree seems to believe that there is a lot of cash around when it comes to greyhound rescue, but apparently, there's no filthy lucre when it comes to racing itself. Now, if we were cynics we might come to the conclusion that Mr. Goree is just jealous that people are willing to spend buckets o' dollars to save innocent living creatures trapped in the clutches of a barbarous, heartless industry, but when it comes to dropping some of those Benjamins on the overlords themselves...not so much. If we were cynics we might believe that. Just spit-balling here.

But back to our story. So the Gorster throws down the gauntlet to the animal rights wackos and what response does he get? Bupkus. Nada. Crickets man. Now, in our defense, Mr. G, we must point out that we did respond to your first missive. OK, we missed the second because we have lives. Our bad. Well, Rory Goree may be a lot of things, but he is not a person you can just ignore, so once again he has taken to the interoobz to excoriate and just generally dismantle those who think that by saving greyhounds they are actually saving greyhounds.

If you listen to the “humane advocate protectors” (aka the ones who are constantly collecting money and dolling out paychecks, travelling around the world, handing out awards, enjoying perks) you would think they have struck the death blow to greyhound racing in one particular state.

Which "particular state" are you referring to there Mr. Goree? Iowa? Arizona?  You're going to have to be a little more specific. Maybe you mean Colorado where they don't have any operating tracks left, but they outlawed greyhound racing anyway, just to make sure it didn't come back.

If you are anti-greyhound racing and have surrendered your hard earned cash to the “humane advocate protectors” hopefully you realize it is most likely spent to fund personal hobby excursions, travel in style, wine & dine and keep files more extensive than the NSA on anyone and everyone. However you may be shocked to know they actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream. And now that the bill they supported which expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money the “humane advocate protectors” have now informed the world that this law must be removed. (insert donation button here???)

 Well, all we can say is given the results, they must be wining and dining the right people, but that phrase "actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream" seems to be missing a word or two. The Bill expands the ability of (the) greyhound racing revenue stream to do what? Maybe that's why the “humane advocate protectors” want the Bill removed: it makes no grammatical sense. By the way, have you trademarked “humane advocate protectors” yet? It's sure to catch on just like Crystal Pepsi.

I’ve been crisscrossing the country the last few weeks (on my own dime) and have heard those in the inner circle of the “humane advocate protectors” admit that particular individuals are only in it for the paycheck and have done nothing to help the anti-greyhound racing movement.

OK. Little tip for you G.  You are one of the most recognizable overlords around. When you were United Greyhound Racing Director of Welfare and Advocacy you personally oversaw the disappearance of 140 greyhounds, the cruelty scandal at TGP and the heatstroke deaths of at least eight dogs during transport. If you think the “humane advocate protectors” are going to take you into their "inner circle" we'd like to talk to you about a great business idea we have--starting a strip club in Riyadh. Dude, there isn't even a bar in that town! Plum ripe for the picking man, that's all we're saying.

Time for those who truly are against greyhound racing to stop bankrolling the “humane advocate protectors” gravy train and find new leadership? If the liars have been exposed and they have, why keep supporting them? The time has come that you reclaim the donations and either give it to local greyhound adoption programs or just continue supporting those wasting money on salaries & lobbyists, generating paperwork, expense accounts and maintaining secret files Till that day, many in the greyhound industry would like to give a big thank you to the “humane advocate protectors” who helped support and pass legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money and to those of you who support them – THANK YOU. The greyhound racing community couldn’t have done it without you!

 Now, admittedly we tend to indulge in the occasional adult beverage here in the marbled halls of IM Central so it's entirely possible that "legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money" slipped by us, but given the fact that greyhound racing is going down faster than hot dogs at a Nathan's Famous contest, we think we would have noticed a Bill that improved life for the overlords. What do you think, Ambrosia? Looks like it's the G man who has some "splainin'" to do, huh?

Hoarders! Who can't get enough of that show. Ambrosia's secretly been watching the show when her foster family is out! Collecting treasures is her retirement hobby! Anything left in reach; socks, pants and even towels will end up in bed with her. (If we can just teach her how to use the washing machine!). When questioned on the matter, Ambrosia charms you with her toothy smile, and you can't be mad at her, after all no harm done. She has been doing great with her foster siblings and with house rules. Who needs help picking up around the house? Come meet Ambrosia! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Last week we paid Iowa a compliment by pointing out that when it came to the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they were indeed smarter than Florida. This was what our old daddy used to call a left handed compliment because being smarter than Florida is not much more difficult than falling down, but the point is the far seeing legislators in Iowa at least had the neuronal capability to understand that the dead industry of greyhound racing was dead and acted appropriately, unlike the myopic gaggle of special needs Neanderthals who inhabit the Legislature in Florida (when they don't get lost on the way to work) and whose philosophy when it comes to greyhound racing we have pictorially represented below:

But back to Iowa.

So, all the interested parties got together, agreed to dump a boatload of money on the overlords to get them to  go away, to which the overlords replied thank you very much, but instead of closing both tracks, please allow us to take a fair amount of this money down to Dubuque, pile it up in the center of the track there and set it on fire. Well, everybody was fine with that because in Iowa there is no law against being weapons grade stupid, so the deal was done.

Now it seems some of the overlords are having buyer's remorse, or perhaps, given how subsidized the overlords have been, a better term might be moocher's remorse.

Some Iowa greyhound owners are skeptical about a measure approved by the Legislature that would make millions of dollars available to the industry in return for closing one dog-racing track and changing ownership of another.

The problem seems to be with the distribution of whatever is left over after the smoke clears in Dubuque. "Look, these guys have spent their whole lives in an industry that runs on exploitation, greed and callous disregard," said Melissa Schmidt, a kennel owner from Bellevue."You really think they're suddenly going to become paragons of virtue when it come to giving a ton of money away?"

John Filipelli, a greyhound kennel owner from Council Bluffs, has similar concerns. "I've spent my whole career cutting corners, dodging regulations and ignoring laws. And I'm one of the good guys. Now you want me to trust these Bozo's with millions of dollars? What, are you from Florida or something?"

The measure gives the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission authority for establishing a payment process.

"We would get that input and handle it like we would any other time we adopt a rule, which is obviously to send it out to all stakeholders and get input from all parties, have all of those discussions at public commission meetings prior to passing any rules,"  Brian Ohorilko, the commission's administrator, said. "By the time that's all done though, I figure most of the money will have gone down the rat hole in Dubuque and the rest...well...let's just say the Board members of the Iowa Greyhound Association have...umm...expenses and leave it at that."

Hmmm. Overlords turning on overlords over money. Whodathunkit, huh Dew?

Are you looking for a care free girl that can let the wind blow through her ears (check her in a car with a moon roof!) and is still respectable enough to introduce to your mother? An independent girl but still VERY affectionate? A girl with the usual talents , yet also adventurous enough to try new things, such as a cake walk and walking off with the first prize? Beautiful Dew just might be that special lady to add to your life. She is in foster, doing great with house rules and has been enjoying her retirement. Come meet this special girl. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

OK, we're going to get right to the point. How stupid is Florida? More specifically, how stupid is the Florida Legislature? More specifically still, how stupid is state senator Jack Latvala? Apparently, more stupid than Iowa, but not as stupid as Christopher Grieb. We mean 20,000? Come on Griebster man, nobody says that. Use your Google dude. Check it:

Thousands of dogs are killed every year when they are no longer profitable Thousands of greyhounds are still killed every year. Because several states do not keep adequate public records, there are no verifiable statistics on the number of dogs killed nationally. Estimates range from 3,000  to 8,567.  In 2011, the National Greyhound Association acknowledged that there are “no cumulative annual records” available regarding the ultimate fate of racing greyhounds.

That's what Grey2K says. And the reason they say that is because the National Greyhound Association, which was founded in 1987 "to ensure the welfare of racing greyhounds on the farm, at the track and upon retirement" doesn't really know what happens to greyhounds after their careers as profit centers are over. Of course, as authors of a blog whose connection with reality is tenuous on a good day we understand that making stuff up is a lot more fun than actually dealing with the facts. Our excuse is Stoli though. What's yours?

But back to our story.

Florida had a chance to get out from under greyhound racing which pretty much everyone in the state thought was a no brainer. Well, everyone except that Latvala guy.

Suddenly, Latvala — a Clearwater Republican — called for a point of order. He told chair Joe Negron, R-Stuart, that the amendment wasn’t germane to the bill and that it violated a “single-subject” requirement. Negron turned to Rules chair John Thrasher, R-St. Augustine, who agreed with the call. Based on Thrasher’s ruling, Negron then struck the amendment from consideration.

 "Hey, don't blame me" Latvala told reporters after the session. "I just learned about points of order and I was trying it out. My son got me a copy of Robert's Rules for Christmas. Did you know meetings have rules? Crazy huh?"

Yeah, well we're all for education here in the marbled halls of IM Central there Mr. Latvala, but in this case we're thinking you might have been better off if you'd stayed stupid because now, instead of giving the state a chance to get out from under the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, by leaving in the injury reporting part, you made it so even more people will learn how cruel, callous and barbaric the "sport" is. Don't expect a Christmas card from the overlords this year bud.

See, you should have taken your cue from Iowa.

A bill that would end greyhound racing in Council Bluffs but allow dog owners to continue operating a track in Dubuque was placed on the legislative fast-track Thursday.

"Fast track." Did you catch that part? Iowa is all like, we're gonna drop racing like a hot rock, like a bad habit, like third period French. You're going down like a blind roofer, like a fat kid on a seesaw, like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest, like...well...you get the picture. Everyone gets the picture. Um...almost everyone.

The other $36 million will be used to help the Iowa Greyhound Association lease the dog racing track in Dubuque and attempt to keep greyhound racing alive in Iowa. The current racing arrangement with the Dubuque casino would end in October. The greyhound association would then negotiate a five-year lease for the track and begin running it; the group would have an optional five-year extension.

 "Optional five year extension." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Greyhound racing without subsidies? Without tax breaks? Without customers? Oh wait, you don't have any customers now. Our advice? Forget the lease and just pay week to week. That way you won't be so far behind when you close down in June, right Shotgun?

I was quiet at first but not timid or shy. Now I am getting curious of everything and just love being in a home for the very first time. I am very friendly with everyone I meet. I love to give my foster mom kisses. I am very social. I love dogs of any size and I love kitties too. I am housebroken. I don’t mind being in my crate if need be. I can go up and down the stairs. I am trying to learn to play with toys but I don’t quite understand yet what to do with them so I just pick them up and then put them back down. I love to be in the company of either my foster mom or one of my foster four-leggers. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the secret to happiness is lowered expectations...erm...we mean know that we have often taken the overlords to task for their dysfunctional relationship with the maths  so when we ran across their latest expectoration and noticed that they had graduated from an inability to figure percentages to trying their hand at the expurgation of statistical data we were intrigued.

The first thing we noticed is that the little overlord missive is published by an organization called PRWeb which apparently is a site that, for a fee, will post your press release. Sort of like a blog, except you have to pay them (note to self: find people who are desperate enough to send us money to post things on our blog). We also noticed that of the four people shown in the pair of photos on the PRWeb site, two appear in both, which leads us to believe that the PRWeb enterprise is located in someone's basement, but leave that be, it doesn't matter right now.

In an effort to be fair--or maybe just to find another reason to laugh at the overlords' attempt at refutation--we thought we'd do a search to see if any media outlets had picked up the press release. After all, thinks us, greyhounds are big in the news right now, especially in Florida and  just because the overlords paid to get someone to listen to them, doesn't mean they don't have something of value to say yes it does we're just fooling with you. Anyway, our search turned up two responses: zip and nada.  No newspapers. No tee vee. No radio. No leaflets put under the windshield wipers of the cars in the local Walmart. Nothing. Bupkus. Well, unless you count the postings on the overlords' own sites then yeah, it's all over the web, but really folks, that's sort of informational masturbation don't you think? Little icky.

So what could be the problem? The topic is certainly newsworthy as it's been all over the papers and local tee vee stations. We decided to take a closer look.

Live attendance and wagering at Florida’s greyhound race tracks are experiencing steady growth, according to the Florida Division of Pari-mutuel Wagering reports that live betting (handle) was up 11.4% state wide in November, with a handful of tracks performing well above the state average.

 OK, not to be picky or anything but when you say "steady" that means, well, steady, as in over time. So if the November handle was "up," what was it up compared to? October? The previous November? Since you threw a buck fifty in the till? Not very enlightening, but what else you got?

The state’s Gambling Impact Study reports that the Florida greyhound industry produces an estimated $ 200 million dollars in tax revenue.

Oh overlords! You're so cute when you try to be rational. We believe that when the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit finally goes the way of New Coke and the AMC Gremlin there will be a career for you picking cherries. It's true the report said what you quoted, but it also said:

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

More specifically:

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

 See the difference here overlords? Your "up" isn't connected to anything, but the report's down is connected to years. Twenty. Two. Years. Now there's a steady for you Bucko. Twenty-two years and nothing but drop. Don't get much steadier than that. We'll give you one more chance though. What's your big finish?

Reports of greyhound racing’s declining profitability are often one sided and purposely do not take into account that a number of tracks have closed in the past twenty years. In 1993, there were 18 greyhound tracks operating in Florida. Today, there are 13. The smaller industry pool in 2013 versus 1993 naturally shows a decline.

 Well sure, if by "decline" you mean the number of tracks, but we're talking dollars here dude. So if you have less tracks chasing the same, or greater, amount of bucks, shouldn't each track's take have been increasing rather than decreasing over the years? You know, the less people that want a piece of the pie, the bigger each person's piece is. Sorry to lay the heavy duty statistical vocab on you there Mr. Overlord sir, but it looks like your statistical analysis skills could use...some...well...statistical analysis skills, right Valentino?

Handsome young beefcake new in town looking for love. Not set in my ways yet, I am very flexible! Nothing but time on my paws since I officially have no plans to be gainfully employed. Looking for that comfy couch and someone to snuggle. Call me! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Empire Strikes Out Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The ESOD is a division of the I Know You Are But What Am I Company, a member of the Rubber Glue Consortium.

It seems the overlords who infest the corridors at the Arizona Department of Racing have had enough of it being pointed out that when it comes to doing their job of overseeing the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they have had about as much impact as a republican at a NOW convention.

Well, no more. You tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing, vegan, animal rights wackos have ragged on the hapless morons at ADOR one time too many, and now they're fighting back.

The Department of Racing asserts that while it has made sure to keep its authority in regulating dog racing to maintain consistency at the track, that does not mean that dogs are being treated with steroids.

OK, admittedly, we don't sprechen ze overlord very well, but it sounds to us like you're saying just because we're doing our job doesn't mean we're not doing our job. Which seems to us to be the linguistic equivalent of looking in the mirror and watching yourself pick your nose. We would ask you to clarify, but we're afraid you would, and bedsides, given that you never actually did your job anyway, this seems to us to be a welcome change in your regulatory philosophy, so please do continue.

A letter from the department earlier this week in response to a previous story said that allowing Tucson Greyhound Park to inject dogs with steroids would be in violation of a 2008 South Tucson initiative that bans steroid use.

Ah. Logic. So what you're saying is, it's your job to enforce regulations, and the City of South Tucson has this regulation therefore, ipso facto, Carpe Diem, and caveat emptor, enforcement. Right?

A written response from the department information officer said that it has invested thousands of dollars to test for all drugs in the dogs, which includes steroids. Part of the letter states: "As a result of our testing procedures, we are confident that currently there are no dogs running at Tucson Greyhound Park that are using steroids or other performance enhancing drugs."

 Bam! There you go then. Using geometric logic and obfuscatory skimble-scamble, the overlords have conclusively shown that if you ask them if they are doing their jobs, their response can somehow be construed as yes. Who can argue with that?

This would be a change from correspondence from the department under previous directors, according to greyhound advocate Susan Via, who drafted the 2008 South Tucson initiative. "They said it was common practice.  In one report, they said that all the trainers admitted giving it to their female dogs at Tucson Greyhound Park after the ordinance banned it and yet they refuse to find any violation or do anything about that obvious violation of law," Via said.

OK we think we see the source of your confusion here, Ms. Via. Apparently when you hear the overlords responding to queries about doing their jobs, you expect the truth. You seem to have forgotten who you are dealing with. These are overlords, Ms. Via, the same people who tell us what a wonderful life the greyhounds have in the kennels; how they are elite athletes whose safety and well being is the top priority; and how they are so well regarded they are practically members of the family. It's a common enough mistake because overlords look like people; they sound like people; and they act like people. Which just goes to show that soulless zombies do walk among us, right Hoss?

I am a very smart boy and eager to learn. I love to go for walks and do very well on my leash. I love to play and enjoy being with my foster pack. I am housebroken and do well in my crate. I am learning to go up and down the stairs. I am friendly with everyone I meet. I have even done well with the older children I have met. I get along well with dogs of all sizes. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we've been thinking about last week's post...erm...excuse us, last week's hard hitting documentary exposing myths, facts and lies in greyhound racing, and not just because we're trying to figure out how Mr. Mason goes around with a dead chipmunk on his face. No, we've been mulling over something he said early on in the documentary--if by documentary you mean my wife gave me a video camera for Christmas, but she made me promise no sex tapes, so let's make a video about greyhounds.

Early on in the video Mr. Mason mentioned that the real problem with the drop in attendance at  greyhound racing tracks wasn't the public's growing revulsion at the injuring and killing of innocent living creatures, or the fact that the whole industry was based on the commodification of greyhounds who were unceremoniously dumped on the public when they were no longer profitable--if they were lucky. No, the problem with greyhound racing was that the track owners had abandoned it for more lucrative shores, namely slots and poker.

Well, if that's true, that's pretty unfair thinks us. We mean, here the track owners invite the overlords to come and set up shop, they provide housing, material assistance and certain amenities. It's almost like the track owners are welcoming the overlords into the family, then, as soon as the they quit making money they're unceremoniously dumped and the owners are off in search of another profit center without as much as a fine howdy do.

How heartless is that? How cruel, to treat the overlords as if they were nothing more than an means to an end. Outrageous. There must be some protection for the overlords, some redress of their grievances. You can't just throw them out on the street and expect someone else to clean up the mess, track owners, you have certain...obligations. We know. Since gambling is regulated by the state this is a perfect time for the legislature to step up and offer some protections for the overlords, right Florida state senators Eleanor Sobel, and Sen. Maria Sachs?

In a rare concession, the Florida Senate Gaming chairman on Thursday acknowledged that it is unlikely lawmakers can reach agreement on a sweeping gaming bill this legislative session but they will pursue a bill to begin the end of greyhound racing in Florida.

Ha! See there owners? You can't just pretend that you care about the overlords then toss them off without even a fare thee well when they stop making money for you. Now you'll have to deal with the potential end of greyhound racing all together. You'll have to...wait, what?

“Even if comprehensive reform is not in the cards for this session, we need to keep trying to find a graceful transition away from greyhound racing,'' Florida Senate Gaming chairman Garrett Richter said. "Industry representatives concede today that it’s a dying sport" and a gaming report commissioned by the House and Senate called the sport "loss leaders."

 OK this isn't going the way we thought it would. If the government won't help, the overlords will have to turn to the fourth estate. Is there a crusading journalist out there with a highly developed sense of right and wrong and the courage to speak truth to power? What about you, Tom Rohwer of the Daily Nonpareil?

Iowa lawmakers have their own plans to end dog racing in the state, but would prefer the key players involved reach their own agreement.

Booya! See there owners? If you can't work out a way to end greyhound racing, the legislature is prepared to step in and end it for you! OK, now that we think about it, that may not be the solution the overlords are looking for.  Well, maybe this topic is too hot for a local journalist. Maybe the overlords need the national media to step in and right this wrong before it's too late. What about you, NPR reporter Greg Allen, can you bring the reach and resources of National Public Radio to bear on the overlords' plight?

On a weekday afternoon at the Mardi Gras Casino near Fort Lauderdale, Fla., most guests are inside at the relatively new card tables and slot machines. Outside, at the 5 p.m. post time, only about a dozen people are in the grandstand. Greyhound racing, a sport in decline, is still hanging on, mostly in Florida. But a bill gathering steam in the Legislature may hasten its demise.

Hasten its demise? Holy crap, it's worse than we thought. There's only one thing left. We need to start an adoption program for overlords. If we work hard at it we can get 95% of overlords adopted when their track closes. What do you say Linda? You got room on your couch for an overlord?

I am a very happy, goofy and silly girl. My foster family had to work very hard to get this photo of me because every time someone wants to take my picture all I want to do is give them kisses. I love to give kisses. I wag my tail all the time because I am such a happy girl. I have been very friendly with everyone I have met. I learned to go up and down the stairs on my first try. I love to play with my toys. I get along great with my foster mom’s Greyhound. I have not met any small dogs or cats yet so I am not sure how I am with them. I have not had any accidents in the house. I love to go for walks but I need to work on my leash skills. I do very well when I’m in my crate.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging UPDATE: Fat White Guy EXPOSED*

We're coming to you today from the Stephen Spielberg wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Stephen Spielberg wing is part of the Ed Wood School of Film and Media Studies and is located next to the  Plan Nine From Outer Space Museum and Gift Shop.

It seems the overlords have taken a cue from MTV 30 years ago and made a video, or as they explain:

This documentary explores the claims that greyhound racing isn't safe, that it is an heartless enterprise for the greyhounds and that it is unprofitable. We cover everything from distortions to outright lies. Take 15 minutes and learn about how Greyhound racing stacks up against more 'respected' animal organizations. We think you will be surprised.

Well, if by "documentary" you mean a fat white guy in an ill fitting shirt and something on his face trying to be a bead talking for 15 minutes while exhibiting the body language of someone who just witnessed a cow explode, but let's not quibble over production values. The title of the video is Greyhound Racing: The Facts, Myths and Grey2k Lies EXPOSED.

Now, we don't claim to be Hollywood directors, or independent filmmakers or anything, but that title is a little odd. We mean, sure lies need to be exposed, but myths are usually just explained, and facts...well...are facts and that's about it, so we're not quite sure where you are going with this dude, but whatever. So we popped up some popcorn, refilled the Stoli and settled in to see what the fat white guy (he never gives his name) had to say.

Right away FWG gives it to us straight. Greyhound racing isn't dying because it's unpopular, it's dying because track owners would rather use slots because the profits are higher and costs are lower, and since people are too stupid to realize what a great time betting on greyhound racing is, they'd rather play slots. Also too, lazy. Interesting opening gambit, thinks us. Insult the landlord and the people who you want to attract back to the track all in the first 48 seconds.

Next up, the obligatory swipe at Grey2K. Did you know that Grey2K doesn't spend all its money on adopting greyhounds after they've been used up by the industry? No way. Instead they spend their money on bringing an end to the industrialized commodification of innocent living creatures. Where are their priorities FWG wants to know. Instead of focusing on the symptom, they're going after the disease. OK, we're not sure here, but we think FWG just exposed a fact.

 And what attack on Grey2K would be complete without mention of the ever evil Christine Dorchak. FWG tells us that Ms. Dorchack (who is evil by the way) clams that not all greyhounds are adopted after their period of exploitation has ended, and some are, in fact, retired with extreme prejudice. Nothing could be further from the truth and to backup that claim FWG cites statistics from the NGA. Now, we appreciate that the overlords have at least learned to respond to claims against their industry by attempting rationality, but using the NGA as a source is like Governor Christie hiring a law firm to "investigate" his role in Bridgegate. In addition, as we have pointed out previously, the overlords' relationship with math is...um...how to say this politely...dysfunctional on a good day.

Then we move on to a long section we like to call "Can we change the subject please" in which we learn that stray and abandoned animals also suffer and die. Looks like FWG exposed another fact. The implication here seems to be since more stray and abandoned animals die than greyhounds, you should leave racing alone. We're not quite sure you can quantify cruelty to your advantage dude, and anyway, sad as it is, those abandoned and stray animals are victims of circumstance, whereas greyhounds are victims of design, having been born and bred for exploitation.

Finally, we are treated to some myths about greyhound racing, or as they are more popularly known: industry talking points. The video fails to address the biggest myth of all though, and that is more than 95% of greyhounds are adopted after their racing career is finished. What do you think Tiffany? You seeing 95% of your old racing buddies at the dog park?

Our Tiffany was named after the famous Tiffany diamond. Having moved into a foster home, our sweet girl is being molded and refined. How beautiful the end result? That will be determined by the family she chooses. This sweet girl loves to play with her kitty housemate, her heart open to the possibilities of other species...even people! OK, really- she was already clued into people but is finding life in a home suits her. Tiffany told us she is getting a little bit of a late start so will need lots and lots of love and petting. She is looking to settle down in just the right place. Are you the right home for this lovely jewel? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

*UPDATE: We found out that FWG is really Brett Mason who says his friends call him "puppy chow for obvious reasons." OK that's not obvious to us, unless it has something to do with the chow part. Dude, back away from the buffet a little sooner, will you? You're scaring the children.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, much as the overlords complain about it, we think government over site of their...erm...sport is a good thing. We mean, with all the tens of dollars changing hands daily the temptation to focus on the money instead of the care of the units...uh...dogs must be great. The overlords are only human according to the rumor going around so an outside entity watching over them is a good way to keep them true to the real reason they got into the industrialized commodification of innocent living creatures for profit: Love for the greyhounds. And that's why when we saw this story concerning the regulatory response to the recent statistical anomaly that resulted in the retirement with extreme prejudice of the unit designated LNB Night Mare we were intrigued to discover how the Arizona Department of Racing was going to, first of all, help the overlords through their grieving process and then help them get back to the business of loving the greyhound breed.

The death of a dog during a race at Tucson Greyhound Park about a week ago prompted requests from Tucson News Now to the Arizona Department of Racing for copies of kennel disposition logs and the track roster.  Such requests could show when dogs are injured, adopted, or put down.  But the department said that it doesn't maintain those records. "You think we want to know what's going on out there?" asked Bill Walsh, director of the Arizona Department of Racing. Are you nuts? The place is a hell hole," he continued. "As long as they keep signing my paycheck I have no reason to have anything to do with them."

OK, not the response we were looking for, but perhaps there is some technical regulatory reason for all this that we as mere citizens don't understand because we don't have the years of training and experience it takes to be on the ADOR Board. Can you explain for us Susan Via, a greyhound welfare advocate?

"They deliberately do not inquire so they don't have to give the information out to the public."

 Oh come on now Ms. Via. Surely it's more complicated than that. Why, these people are entrusted with the welfare of highly trained athletes in whom a lot of money and time has been invested. Surely it is in everyone's best interest to make sure that investment has the best conditions, the best food and the best care available, is it not?

She said that a bill that has passed the state Senate and is headed to the state House of Representatives would make that pre-emption of local authority official and make the track off-limits to city or county authorities such as Pima Animal Care."There's nothing South Tucson, or the county, or even PAC could do, as a county agency, to go in and investigate any complaints of dogs being left without veterinary care, dogs without water, dogs that are sick, dogs that are injured, dogs that are dead."

 "Right," said ADOR director Walsh. "That's our job. Well, it's supposed to be our job, but like I said, I'm not going anywhere near that dump. It's too depressing what with all the drunks and losers hanging around. And then there are the people that bet on the dogs."

Well, that is a point Mr. Walsh and we certainly don't envy your responsibilities in this matter, but maybe you should have thought of that before you dropped out of  Walmart Greeter School. Surely there must be someone out there with the insight to solve this dilemma.

Representative Ethan Orr said that he thinks that he can remove not only the increase in authority that the bill gives the department, but also increase the department's accountability. "Anytime you get information out, you're not only making the racing more viable but you're protecting the dogs and frankly, the people that work at the dog track"

 Excellent idea Mr. Orr. A partnership among the local governing units and the ADOR all of which leads to a better, safer life for the greyhounds who have been conscripted to earn money for the otherwise unemployable. Who could argue with that?

The director of the Department of Racing said that the department cannot take a position on proposed legislation that might require him to do his job until the state employment compensation board rules on his claim that lack of moral fiber is an identifiable disability.  Tucson Greyhound Park general manager Dale Popp could not be reached for comment. His office stated that he is A) out of town through the end of the week,  B) in a meeting, or C) kidnapped by aliens.

Boy, we're thinking if that legislation goes through old Popp is going to wish C was the correct answer huh  Charlie Brown?

Sweet and lovable Charlie Brown is affectionately called "Chuck" at his foster home. Chuck is a bit shy at first meetings. Fortunately he does not take after the unlucky Peanuts character he is named after, no Lucy yanking the football! And Good Grief! This fellow has been a huge success with house rules! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

What's Your $9 Million Compared To My Lack Of Marketable Skills?

We're coming to you today from the You Don't Say Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The YDSD is a division of the What Was Your First Clue Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Where'd You Park The Squad Car, Sherlock? NA.

Recently, as we were crawling around the interwebs we happened to make the acquaintance of the following headline:
  

Greyhound tracks in Iowa are hurting, which worries breeders

Our first thought was Obamacare is making medication more affordable and accessible and America is finally ending its long dark night of struggling against an unremitting gale of misfiring neurons and has made for the calm, clear waters in the bay of rationality. Buoyed by this thought we investigated further. 

Most afternoons you can find Meyer “Mickey” Coren in front of a simulcast TV at Bluffs Run, sipping Diet Coke from a plastic cup, smoking a cigar as dogs scramble around the track outside. He usually bets $100, mostly on simulcast dog races but also on the greyhounds that race here every afternoon except Mondays. “It gives me a nice place to go, where if I don't win, I don't lose too much,” he said. “I can smoke a cigar and drink pop and shoot the breeze with the other degenerates,” said Coren, jokingly.

OK, first of all, $100? How often does he usually bet $100? Mostly? Sometimes? Is $100 the total of all he has bet since he's been coming to the track? What does his wife think about this as she clips another coupon for canned beans from the newspaper? What about his children when they wonder what happened to their college fund, and his grandchildren who open their birthday cards and find a coupon for free fries at the track bar and grill? More importantly, how does he manage to get home alive after the other patrons realize he actually has cash on him?

And second, while we applaud the writer for trying to soften Mr. Coren's image by inserting the adverb "jokingly"  to make it seem like his characterization of himself and his compatriots as "degenerates" is a bit of self deprecating humor, we're talking about a man who regularly spends money to watch innocent living creatures risk life and limb while he sips a beverage that may contain carcinogens and inhales toxic gasses. "Degenerate" probably fails by half in its verisimilitude when we consider how this guy should be described.

Now we're a ways into the article and our faith in the efficacy of Obamacare to deal with the plague of untreated wackadoodlism that has spread across the land is somewhat shaken because we still don't know what finally unlocked the breeders' ability to see the noses that have been camped in front of their faces for the last, oh, say 25 years.

Bo Guidry, general manager of Horseshoe, said the casino loses about $9 million per year on dog racing. “People just choose where they want to spend their entertainment dollar. Twenty years ago ... there weren't that many options, and now there are plenty of options. One happens to be casino gambling.”

Whoa! Nine million dollars! At that rate even if Mr. Coren did bet $100 a day he'd have to come to the track for, let's see...divide by pi, carry the four, take the last train to Clarksville...man that's 90000 days. OK, the article said Mr. Coren is 71, so he's going to be coming to the track until he's just shy of 320 years old. Hope the track has some handicap parking close to the door.

We notice, however, that Mr. Guidry is the general manager of Horseshoe and not a breeder, so we're even farther into the article and still we haven't discovered why the coffee has boiled long enough to finally raise the breeders from their slumber.

“It's a relationship. We need them, and they need us,” said Darren Flahive, 47, of Council Bluffs, a 25-year dog trainer.

Thank you for your input Mr. Flahive, but if the casinos are losing $9 million a year, they need you like a submarine needs a screen door. Plus, you're a trainer, not a breeder. Next please.

And when casino operator Harrah's bought Horseshoe and Bluffs Run in 2001, the decline in popularity of dog racing was already underway. “They knew what they were getting into. They knew dog racing was not a profitable business,” said Jon Stidham, 49, who raises greyhounds in McClelland, Iowa, and provides dogs for Bluffs Run.

Finally. Thank you Mr. Stidman, who raises greyhounds in McClelland. At last we discover what the breeders are worried about. Let's see if we have this straight. Racing was losing money in 2001 when the casinos bought into the business. They've continued to lose money in the intervening 13 years and because they are a for profit company (and you are a no profit chain around their necks) they are about to make a perfectly legitimate business decision to boot your scrawny buttocks off the gravy train. Is that what's bothering you bunky?

Looks like Obamacare still has a lot of work to do.

Greyhound Racing! Motto: There Is No Australia

Every once in a while we here in the marbled halls of IM Central are privileged to read the story of how an overlord became an overlord. These stories usually involve some sort of epiphany--a kind of St Paul on the road to Damascus experience--or head injury. One or the other, or maybe both, we don't know. Anyway, the point is the tales tell how a seemingly normal person in possession of all of his or her faculties suddenly comes to the conclusion that the commodification and exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit is something that ought to be done by people who consider themselves...well...people. Take Amy Cochran for instance, her story is fairly typical.

Okay whoa. Hang on a second.  You're anti-racing. I get it, but you're so full of smoke I can't see the ground in front of me.  Being used by people? Suffering? Forced to race? Do you even know what you're talking about? Have you spent time with trainers, owner, operators etc?

 See, the problem here is that facts can be very bothersome, so if you're going to be an overlord the first thing you have to do is clean out your mental closet of everything you've ever read, or that people have told you, find some trainer somewhere that isn't overtly shipping dogs off to oblivion and decide that person represents the entire industry. Sort of like deciding a Malayan Blue Krait would make a good pet because the one you saw today didn't bite you.

I have never SEEN a greyhound suffer at the hands of their trainers. And I certainly have never SEEN a greyhound "forced" to race.

Umm...Amy? We have never SEEN Australia either, but we're pretty sure it's there because we've read about it, seen pictures and met people who claim they've gone. Although we do appreciate the caps because you kind of helped us make the point in step one.

The track crates, and yes they are crates, are nicely constructed and roomy. I can curl up in one of these crates and have room to spare. I’m no small woman either. I'm five foot nine and twice the weight of the average male greyhound. So trust me, if I'm comfortable in one of these crates...

Now that's very scientific of you Amy, and we are sure your desire to be "curled up" in a crate had nothing to do with the quart of Vodka you have to drink to get you through your day, (Not that we blame you. Coming to work every day to a job that institutionalizes cruelty and injures and kills hundreds healthy dogs each year has got to put a strain on the old conscience. Best to keep it heavily medicated)  but here's our question: Would you have been as "comfortable" if you'd had to stay "curled up" in that crate for 18 to 22 hours? OK, to be fair, since you're twice the weight of a male greyhound, let's try the experiment again. You go get "curled up"in the crate for 9 to 11 hours then go out for a quick jog around the track and back to being "curled up" in the crate. Let's do that for a week, what do you say? It's for science, Amy.

The truth is when you "train" a greyhound to chase, all you are doing is encouraging a natural instinct. You walk or give the greyhound a ride to the track, hold on to the dog’s collar, and when the fast moving, white, fuzzy toy goes flying by, you let them go. The greyhound will either chase it, or he won't. The dogs that do chase it go on to race. The dog that doesn't is placed for adoption. It really is that simple. There's no abuse there.

 Not to quibble Amy, but dumping unprofitable dogs and expecting people who suffer from congenital empathy to come along and pick up after you may not be abuse, but it's not the most altruistic thing you've ever done either, especially for those greyhounds who aren't lucky enough to find an adopter, and there are a lot of those, aren't there Amy?

Another farce, their diets. These dogs are athletes.  Their diets are designed to give them the nutrients their bodies demand.  There's nothing wrong with red meat, chicken, pasta, veggies, omega three, and vitamin supplements. Hell, that's what dog food is made of. It just doesn't come in kibble form. Why? Do a bit of research. When you cook food it loses its nutritional value, and these greyhounds, these athletes, need every ounce of nutrition to meet their body’s demands.

Well now that's true Amy. Of course if you were to cook the food you feed greyhounds you would also lose Salmonella spp, Campylobacter jejuni, and Escherichia coli, which can cause  diarrheal disease and death, but on the bright side, dogs who die in the kennel don't need to be adopted.

If you crate and work, how many times does your dog go out to relieve himself? How much exercise does he or she get? Track dogs are turned out 4 to 5 times a day to relieve themselves. They are exercised every day either in the sprint pen or on the track.  I guarantee you, these dogs are in better shape, physically, mentally, and emotionally, than your pet greyhound.

Hey Amy. You said you became an overlord because you had never SEEN abuse, but since you've never SEEN our greyhounds, how do you know what mental, physical or emotional state they're in? Just wondering.

Can you say you truly understand the dog’s needs, what it requires, and not what you think it requires?  Because, I'm here to tell you many people don't.  Your dog, greyhound or otherwise, doesn't operate on human rules or have human needs.  He is a dog, a greyhound, and his needs, wants and desires are very different from your own.

Huh. Thanks for clearing that up Amy. We didn't realize that a greyhound needs, wants and desires were to make you a profit. We thought they were dogs, you know, animals that like to "bark, prance, play bow, and wag their tails.  In short, they are goofs." Too bad you have to dump all those "goofs" when they no longer have the need, want or desire to make money for you isn't it?

"But what about euthanasia?"  Well, I hate to break it to you, dogs, cats, cattle etc. are not human. And despite your moral objections on the subject, euthanasia is --and always will be -- an appropriate medical treatment to end the pain and/or suffering of an animal.

Not to nit pick or anything Amy, but when a dog no longer makes money for you, it isn't the dog that is suffering, it's your bank account. Might want to think that through a little more.

If you’re going to end racing.  Fine.  Stand up and put your money where your mouth is.  HELP THE DOGS --the ones that you and your cause are putting in the line of fire -- instead of having someone else clean up the mess you've made.  You want to talk about and stop unnecessary euthanasia, then stop putting hundreds and thousands of dogs at risk.

 Yeah, uh Amy? About that whole "mess" thing. Maybe rampant over-breeding, leading to dumping non-winning dogs faster and faster as you scramble to get a smaller and smaller piece of an ever shrinking money pie is contributing to the problem. Perhaps if you want to yell at someone who is putting dogs in the line of fire, you should check out your mirror. Just a suggestion.