Friday, April 11, 2014

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Empire Strikes Out Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The ESOD is a division of the I Know You Are But What Am I Company, a member of the Rubber Glue Consortium.

It seems the overlords who infest the corridors at the Arizona Department of Racing have had enough of it being pointed out that when it comes to doing their job of overseeing the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they have had about as much impact as a republican at a NOW convention.

Well, no more. You tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing, vegan, animal rights wackos have ragged on the hapless morons at ADOR one time too many, and now they're fighting back.
The Department of Racing asserts that while it has made sure to keep its authority in regulating dog racing to maintain consistency at the track, that does not mean that dogs are being treated with steroids.
OK, admittedly, we don't sprechen ze overlord very well, but it sounds to us like you're saying just because we're doing our job doesn't mean we're not doing our job. Which seems to us to be the linguistic equivalent of looking in the mirror and watching yourself pick your nose. We would ask you to clarify, but we're afraid you would, and bedsides, given that you never actually did your job anyway, this seems to us to be a welcome change in your regulatory philosophy, so please do continue.
A letter from the department earlier this week in response to a previous story said that allowing Tucson Greyhound Park to inject dogs with steroids would be in violation of a 2008 South Tucson initiative that bans steroid use.
Ah. Logic. So what you're saying is, it's your job to enforce regulations, and the City of South Tucson has this regulation therefore, ipso facto, Carpe Diem, and caveat emptor, enforcement. Right?
A written response from the department information officer said that it has invested thousands of dollars to test for all drugs in the dogs, which includes steroids. Part of the letter states: "As a result of our testing procedures, we are confident that currently there are no dogs running at Tucson Greyhound Park that are using steroids or other performance enhancing drugs."
 Bam! There you go then. Using geometric logic and obfuscatory skimble-scamble, the overlords have conclusively shown that if you ask them if they are doing their jobs, their response can somehow be construed as yes. Who can argue with that?
This would be a change from correspondence from the department under previous directors, according to greyhound advocate Susan Via, who drafted the 2008 South Tucson initiative. "They said it was common practice.  In one report, they said that all the trainers admitted giving it to their female dogs at Tucson Greyhound Park after the ordinance banned it and yet they refuse to find any violation or do anything about that obvious violation of law," Via said.
OK we think we see the source of your confusion here, Ms. Via. Apparently when you hear the overlords responding to queries about doing their jobs, you expect the truth. You seem to have forgotten who you are dealing with. These are overlords, Ms. Via, the same people who tell us what a wonderful life the greyhounds have in the kennels; how they are elite athletes whose safety and well being is the top priority; and how they are so well regarded they are practically members of the family. It's a common enough mistake because overlords look like people; they sound like people; and they act like people. Which just goes to show that soulless zombies do walk among us, right Hoss?

I am a very smart boy and eager to learn. I love to go for walks and do very well on my leash. I love to play and enjoy being with my foster pack. I am housebroken and do well in my crate. I am learning to go up and down the stairs. I am friendly with everyone I meet. I have even done well with the older children I have met. I get along well with dogs of all sizes. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

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