Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Message Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Wishful Thinking Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of LALALALA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU, Inc.

First up, the overlords, not really known for their tight grasp on reality, or their ability to see the writing on the wall until that wall comes crashing down on them. Take it away, Gary Dura.

After a wonderful week off work, one filled with relaxation, chores and greyhound racing, it’s time to work up a list.We’ll take a look at five of the tops dogs at Dubuque Greyhound Park thus far.

Mr. Dura, it seems, is quite excited about the ongoing exploitation of innocent living creatures at the Dubuque Deathcamp for greyhounds, particularly one specific unit designated Superior Product.

Superior Product. He’s back. The Dubuque Inaugural champion has 10 races, going 6-2-0-1, all in Grade A. Right now, he’s the cream of the crop.

We're not sure whether it says more about the mental capacities of the overlords in general, or Mr. Dura's abilities in math, but 6-2-0-1 equals nine, not 10. Perhaps Superior Product is Schrodinger's greyhound and both raced and didn't race in that 10th contest, but leave that for now, that's not important because there is about to be a healthy (for the greyhounds anyway) dose of precipitation applied to Mr. Dura's cavalcade of cruelty in the form of the Iowa Legislature.

State regulators have set the process in motion to get the casinos in Council Bluffs and Dubuque out of greyhound racing.

 This is what's known in the profession as an owie. But wait you say, surely this can't be all there is to it. Why would the good people of Iowa turn their backs on the commodification of living creatures for (no) profit? It can't be as bad as you say, Ironicus. There must be an alternative, a bright spot--if you can call the continued death and injury of hundreds of greyhounds a year bright.

Well, you are correct astute reader(s).

The legislature passed and the governor signed a bill that shuts down the Council Bluffs track and shifts the management of dog racing in Dubuque to the Iowa Greyhound Association.

In the strongest evidence we've come across yet that there is a god--and he has a wicked sense of humor--the overlords have been given complete control of the Dubuque track. No subsidies. No tax breaks. No handouts. Just overlords warming themselves with large piles of cash set on fire by their stupidity and callousness.

The deal reached in the legislation has the Council Bluffs casino pay $65 million over the next seven years, and the Dubuque casino will pay one million dollars a year into the fund. Half of that money goes into the retirement fund and the other half can be used by those who remain in the industry to run the Dubuque Greyhound Park.

 "[T]hose who remain in the industry to run the Dubuque Greyhound Park," or as they are more commonly known, those who possess the intelligence level and business acumen of gefilte fish. Perhaps that's a slam against gefilte fish who probably would have been smart enough to TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. Well, if they had legs that is. Still, if we have inadvertently defamed any members of the poached mixture of ground boned fish, such as carp, whitefish or pike by implying that their mental capabilities are on a par with those of the overlords, we sincerely apologize.

Back to Mr. Dura.

Dubuque has the first round of the King and Queen stakes Friday night. It features 24 males and 24 females in separate brackets, three qualifying rounds and the top four from each bracket making the July 4th finals.

 Well, providing none of the units are injured or killed, but Mr. Dura's enthusiasm seems to be genuine. Apparently he is convinced that since no one came to the tracks before and they were forced to suck money off of the casinos like a black hole with an eating disorder just to keep from folding like a bunch of girl Scouts at an origami class, people will come out to the tracks now that the overlords have to reach into their own pockets to make sure a bunch of helpless greyhounds remain in harm's way.

There seems to be a flaw in that line of reasoning, don't you agree Quigley?

I am a handsome boy who has a lot of great energy and I love to play. I get along great with the other Greyhounds in my foster home but I have not met any small dogs yet. I sometimes like to chase my foster kitties but when my foster dad tells me “no,” I stop chasing them. I have loved everyone I have met so far. I walk very well on my leash. I love to play with my toys. I am housebroken.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.