We Don't Need No Education, We Already Got Our Mind Control

We actually haven't been paying much attention to the ongoing catastrophe that is the republican presidential nominating process, even with its current descent upon our home state--a state that we share with the newly reprogrammed "Common man" Mittbot, (beta version) his Mustang and his pickup truck and his wife's two Cadillacs. Plus somewhere in there a Chrysler product. It's hard to keep track when you have so many. Oh sure, every once in a while when the flames of idiocy burn particularly brightly it attracts our attention, but mostly we expect that having sold its soul to the modern day Know Nothings the current crop of embarrassments for of the Party of Lincoln can only distinguish themselves by one-upping the other guy's insanity. Sort of a slap fight of the unhinged.

And enter stage right, Rick Santorum.

Campaigning Saturday, Santorum said Obama’s focus on higher education constitutes “indoctrination” into the president’s way of thinking.

 OK, we're going to assume he means President Obama and not President Jefferson, who said "Above all things I hope the education of the common people will be attended to ; convinced that on their good sense we may rely with the most security for the preservation of a due degree of liberty."

Come to think of it, Santorum probably wouldn't like Jefferson either. After all, is the fellow who edited the bible to "strip off the artificial vestments in which they have been muffled by priests, who have travestied them into various forms, as instruments of riches and power to themselves."

The Right Reverend, his holiness, father (and we mean that in a biblical way) Santorum does not approve, but back to our story.

“There are good, decent men and women who go out and work hard every day and put their skills to test that aren’t taught by some liberal college professor to try to indoctrinate them. Oh, I understand why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image.”

We feel obligated to stop here a moment and point out the the Rickster is a graduate of Pennsylvania State University, and as recently as 2006 was in favor of indoctrinating kids so's they'd be remade in...um...well, somebody's image. Since he was Pennsylvania's Senator back then, maybe Joe Paterno?

Now, in a country that believes you need a good education to get a good job and spends umpteen gazillion dollars a year testing the little learning units...uh...we mean designates significant funds to ensure young people receive a proper education; in a country that obviously values education so highly we have to believe Pastor Rick's pronouncement is not going to be met with a high degree of approval, right Stephen Clement of Commerce, Michigan? 

Stephen, said Santorum was right on the mark when he said that Obama wants to send kids to get college degrees so as to produce more liberals. “It starts down at the elementary school level with all this bullshit about diversity, pardon my French,” he said. “Diversity and sensitivity and all that crap. That’s the stuff that needs to be taught at home not by my teachers.

 All righty then. His comment kind of invalidates his own theory about sensitivity being taught at home, but on the bright side he speaks French, so there's a point for diversity. What about you Mr. Murrow, what's your take on this?

“Everybody can’t be equal,” agreed Paul Murrow of Milford, Michigan. “Somebody needs to do the manual labor.”

 Hmm...you know, Mr. Murrow, just because a person does manual labor doesn't make them any less equal than anyone else, unless you're talking about economic equality, (which additional education actually improves) or maybe you're referring to minorities and Muslims, then by all means, work them little suckers 'til there's nothing left but a dry fart. Equal smequal man. Maybe over there in commieland, not here in god's country.

They all agreed that college can help some people — but they also agreed that universities are basically socialism factories. “They try and disguise it with, you know, ‘equal opportunity’…” Stephen Clement began. “It’s communism,” Murrow said, cutting him off. “The professors are all teaching the kids…”

“Where does the social engineering stop?” Clement jumped back in, fired up. “Does it stop after we send everybody to college, or does it stop after we set their curriculum and said, ‘these are the things you’re allowed to study?’ Does it become the Soviet Union?”

 We were not aware that everybody in the Soviet Union went to college. Maybe Mr. Clement has a point. We mean, after all, the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for a college education, yes? Cripes, do you want this country to experience the same turmoil and unrest as Canada?

Friday Hound Blogging

For years now the overlords have maintained that if they could just get the real story out about their heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit...er...we mean about their sport; if they could just overcome the obvious media bias against them; if they could just get the truth out, the public impression of greyhound racing would be vastly different.

Case in point: Did you know that one time at an anti-racing rally one of the animal rights wackos dropped the leash of the greyhound that was with her? Why, at any of the couple of moments before she picked up the leash the dog could have wandered off through the crowd of people all around it who would not have noticed it was trailing a leash and picked it up and gone off to who knows where. Where was the media then, huh? Where were the reporters and tee vee people?

No, not a peep was heard. Instead let some guy kill 30 greyhounds through neglect and cruelty and the media are all over it. Let the word get out about the living conditions of dogs at the Tucson Greyhound Park and right away you have some nosy reporters poking around. Let another track close because no one comes to watch greyhounds risk life and limb so the overlords can make the trailer payment and the newspapers are on it like ugly on a bulldog.

It's pretty obvious what's going on here isn't it? Media bias pure and simple. Want more proof? Check this out:

It's hardly a surprise that Iowa lawmakers are looking at tossing the greyhounds to the dogs. After a start-up boom, Iowa greyhound racing has been a declining industry for years and is kept going by casino revenues.

Right there it is. Right in the first paragraph, "Iowa greyhound racing has been a declining industry for years." See, that's the kind of unsubstantiated rumor reported as fact that the overlords have been fighting against.

At Bluffs Run, for instance, the handle wagered on live dog races was $66.8 million as recently as 1991. That had fallen to a mere $4.3 million in 2010. In Dubuque, a $28.1 million handle in 1991 had declined to $1.6 million in 2010.

Oh sure, anybody can throw numbers around. The overlords can throw numbers around too. Did you know today’s greyhound tracks employ more than 14,000 people with an annual payroll of over $194 million? That's 194 MILLION DOLLARS, man. That's the same as the payroll of the New York Yankees! Well, in 2006, but let's not quibble. How you like overlords now animal rights wackos?

Nationally, the dog-racing scene is in nearly as bad shape. Dog racing was halved between 2002 and 2010, leaving only 23 tracks operating across the country. Jim Carney, a lobbyist for the company that operates Horseshoe, summed it up this way: "Dog racing is (as a) matter of fact dead."

Dead? How can you say dead, man? Sure we pay 14,000 people the same amount as the Yankees paid 25 players in 2006 but that's just because people want to see the Yankees.

Wait, that didn't come out right. Crap. Help us out here Boss.

Bogus Boss is an extremely shy and gentle boy. Since being placed in a quiet foster home he has starting coming out of his shell. He is beginning to enjoy playing with toys and do puppy-like things. He is playful in yard and with other dogs. If you are missing something around the house, you will want to check his bed as he has become a collector of objects. Bogus Boss does spook easily by loud noises and is very shy of new people. Due to his shyness, he had to be moved from the busy foster home with children to a home with a single elderly person.  Bogus Boss would do best in a home with either an elderly person or with a single person or couple with no children. He would do fine in a home with other dogs of any size or as a single dog. He will need to be placed in a home with a person of great patience to understand and work on his shyness. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Sticks And Stones Will Break Your Bones, But Words Will Make It Worse

Back when we were young acolytes at our local educational technician training institute we were required to take several courses on the development of the adolescent mind, which, as beings possessing adolescent minds ourselves at the time, we found somewhat disquieting, especially the part about the effect of alcohol and drugs, but...erm...we'll leave that for now.

Anyway, one of the things we learned was that humans in this age category were sometimes subject to what our trainers called low impulse control which could lead to inappropriate behaviors. We're pretty sure it was a general comment regarding the subject of the class and not some semi-veiled criticism directed at us, but after we slipped the slides from the nudist beach into the professor's presentation on secondary sex characteristics, we're not completely certain.

Our point is we were taught that as they mature, young people grow out of this phase and are mostly able to take their places as fully functioning adults who exhibit appropriate behaviors and are able as they say, to play well with others. For years we accepted this dictum and often relied upon it for strength in order to avoid jeopardizing our careers through the commission of a felony when faced with an eruption of youthful exuberance, but as we survey the current state of the republican party we've come to the conclusion that for some people there is no final blossoming of adulthood, no fully matured state that enables them to self monitor, to imagine the response of others to their words and actions, or to see themselves as creatures who act, and are acted upon by the society they inhabit. Case in point.

During a debate over a bill that would require state school districts to adopt a dress code that prohibits students from “wearing clothing that exposes underwear or body parts in an indecent or vulgar manner. GOP Florida lawmaker Kathleen Passidomo used the example of an 11 year old girl being raped as reason for supporting the bill.  Then she implied it was the girl’s parent’s fault that she had been raped, because of how her parents let her dress.

 Now, most of us would think that in situations like this the fault lies with the rapist and not the rapee, or in this case the rapee's parents, but to Ms. Passidomo the possibility that this young girl's parents are probably in a pretty emotional state right now was no reason not to go on as if she's merely discussing a broken stoplight on the corner. This is what our professors used to refer to as self absorption in the case of adolescents, but not to put too fine a technical jargon point on it, in Ms. Passidomo's case, we think it can simply be called heartless stupidity.

There was an article about an 11 year old girl who was gang raped in Texas by 18 young men because she was dressed up like a 21-year-old prostitute.

OK, our first question is why a 21 year old prostitute and not a 25 year old prostitute, or a 32 year old prostitute, and as a followup how did Ms. Passidomo come by the knowledge of how a 21 year old prostitute dresses?

So with all respect to our old professors, no, it doesn't seem likely that poor impulse control and inappropriate, self centered behavior vanishes with age. Can we get the points for that question now?

Girl Scouts! Motto: Всегда готов!*

You know, it's getting so we can't tell the difference between stories that actually appear in the lamestream media and the ones that leap from the dissolute and vaguely frightening environs of the Maximus subconscious in the Stoli fueled semi-delusional sessions we like to call "writing on this blog." Take the following sentence for example:

Next time you buy a box of Tagalongs, you might be helping to fund an abortion.

Now, frequent reader(s) of this blog would not be surprised if Jesus came back and said it had all been a joke that had gone badly...erm...we mean if we admitted to penning the aforementioned line, but the truth is it came from an actual story taken from an actual newspaper and reported in an actual site created by actual people from the actual world.

And not only that, it's the result of the actions of an actual person.

Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris (R) wants to kill a resolution honoring the Girl Scouts because they are a “radicalized organization” that promotes “homosexual lifestyles” and funds Planned Parenthood.

Yeah, the Girl Scouts fund Planned Parenthood. Well, now we know why the price of cookies went up this year. So tell us, representative Morris, how did you figure out that an organization with Laura Bush and Elizabeth Dole in its membership is a hotbed of radical girl scout on girl scout action?

Morris said he would refuse to support a resolution celebrating 100 years of the organization because “after talking to some well-informed constituents, I did a small amount of web-based research, and what I found is disturbing.”

OK any constituent of yours who doesn't run screaming from the room as soon as you enter is by definition not well informed, but please, since everything on the interwebs is true, do go on and tell us what your "small amount of web-based research" found that was so disturbing.

[T]he Girl Scouts of America and the World Association of Girl Guides “have entered into a close strategic affiliation with Planned Parenthood,” though “you will not find evidence of this on the GSA/WAGGGS website—in fact, the websites of these two organizations explicitly deny funding Planned Parenthood.”

So the Girl Scouts of America and the World Association of Girl Guides don't have anything on their web sites about funding Planned Parenthood because they deny funding Planned Parenthood. Yes, something is definitely afoot there. But tell us of this "close strategic affiliation" you discovered.

...abundant evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood,” Morris wrote.

"Sexualizing young girls huh? OK we may have to give this one to representative Bob because, see he owns the Healthkick Nutrition Centers franchise in his district. They sell Chrysin Extreme which "Supports Healthy Hormones and Promotes A Vigorous Libido" so apparently he knows something about sexualizing.

“In fact, the Girl Scouts education seminar girls are directed to study the example of role models. Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background - all the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists.”

Hmm...well, he might have us there too. We mean, you take such well known feminists, lesbians, and Communists like the aforementioned Elizabeth Dole and Laura Bush, factor in people like Katie Coric and Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore, Chelsea Clinton and Lynda Carter add the Girl Scouts' partnership with the Disney Company, that hotbed of socialism, mix in a pledge that promises to "use resources wisely," and "make the world a better place" and it's pretty obvious what's going on here.

As a personal aside, we can't tell you how sad it makes us to find out Lynda Carter is a lesbian. We can't tell you how many nights we spent glued to the Tee Vee when we were young Ironicii wishing she would tie us up with the golden lasso and...well, let's just say it was So much better than the Sears catalog.

We apologize representative Bob. At first we thought you were just another one of those crazy, wackaloon, republican, fly farts popping up all over the country, but facts are facts, especially when they come from the Internet.

*Be Prepared. Also the motto of the Young Pioneers of the Soviet Union. Coincidence? Representative Bob thinks not.

Charles Dickens Call Your Office

You know, we're beginning to think that republicans don't like anybody. We mean, we know they don't like the wimmens, they don't like anybody from another country, or anybody who has a different religion, and some of them don't even like the people who tell them who not to like, so we weren't surprised to run across this headline floating across the interwebs:

Williamson GOP chief blasts school breakfasts

Well, of course he does. Come on, it's bad enough that you won't let them change the child labor laws to get these little loafers off their butts and into the workforce where they can generate a profit for someone, or barring that make them work for their educations, but now you want to feed them? Just feed them? Just give them food for no particular reason? What is this, the Soviet Union?

“I am sure you have heard about this happening in other areas, but ladies and gentlemen, Williamson County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure, is now operating under a perverse incentive to increase the number of students taking government hand-outs,” Kookogey wrote. “Of course, those handouts are courtesy of you and me, the federal taxpayers.”

OK, we're not psychologists or anything but we're thinking that anyone with both kook and gay in his name probably has some issues when it comes to experiences in school vs-a-vs his treatment by his fellow students and this might explain his current opposition to feeding the sons and daughters of little monsters who used to make his every day a living hell with their ceaseless attacks, their heartless mocking, their continued efforts to stuff him in his locker. And the pantsings and the swirlies and the...oh sorry. Where were we?

Whether students qualify for free and reduced prices for the meal or they pay full price, the district essentially receives money back from the government.

Now, let's give Mr. Kookogey the benefit of the doubt here and assume he's right when he says  Williamson County is one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure. Maybe there just aren't any poor kids there and his point is that the money could be better spent in districts that have kids who need the food.

About 12 percent of the county district’s 32,000 students qualify for free and reduced-price meals. In the 2005-06 school year, that number was 7.6 percent. In the Franklin Special School District, about 41 percent of the 3,800 students participate in free and reduced-price lunches. According to the most recent census data, poverty is on the rise in Williamson County. More than 5 percent of school-aged children in the county school district and almost 15 percent of the students in the Franklin Special School District were living in poverty in 2010.

 Oh. Um...all right, maybe there's another reason you oppose this program Mr. Kookogey. One you can say in public we mean. After all you've got, like six kids and we're going to assume absent any child welfare reports that you feed them, so what's the deal here Mr. K?

“This is not a complicated issue,” he said. “It is not the role of government to feed people. Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights.

There you go then. You show us somewhere in the bible god said you have a right not to be hungry. Go ahead, show us.  And don't go all Matthew 25:35 on us either because everybody knows Jesus was speaking metaphorically there and he didn't really mean "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink" literally. Don't believe us? Then ask Mindy McAlindon, first vice chair with the Williamson County Republican Party:

McAlindon agrees with Kookogey. “It’s not the government’s job to feed students. It’s our job to provide for ourselves,” the Franklin home-school mom said. “The government is deciding where our money goes. And we should be deciding where our money goes.”

And you can forget about that the people are the government thing too. That quit being true when they took away the poll tax and literacy tests, right Ms. McAlindon?

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, a week has gone by and we've been monitoring the overlord blog that promises to "counter the partial truths and outright lies of Grey2K." Time to reflect on what we've learned so far, to wit: Skechers is still in business, and don't adopt a greyhound from an adoption group that is against racing. Not quite sure what that has to do with the "outright lies of Grey2K," but we did come to the conclusion that the overlord who wrote about Skechers has way too much time on his or her hands and if he or she owns a Thesaurus, someone needs to take it away. Now.

So, we're officially bored. Moving on. It occurs to us that if you're an overlord you have to be feeling a little paranoid right now, and that's not good because paranoia can be a severe mental disorder. Therefore as a public service of the caring individuals here in the marbled halls of IM Central, we are going to use FHB this week to demonstrate to the overlords that their fears are unfounded, and while greyhound racing may not be the most popular way to exploit innocent living creatures for a profit, there is no vast conspiracy against them. So let's start in Arizona where the Tucson Greyhound Park was the scene of the must discussed Skechers ad.

Yesterday, the Arizona Committee on Natural Resources and Transportation voted unanimously in favor of phasing out dog racing in Arizona!

Um...well, look that's just a committee, it's not like the whole Senate voted or anything. Wait. What's that you say? The Senate did vote? And they passed the bill 28 -2?  Yeah, well, bad example. Oh, we know, let's go over to Iowa. They have twice as many tracks as Arizona so they must luuuvs them some greyhound racing.

The Council Bluffs Chamber of Commerce has announced its support of legislation that would lead to ending greyhound racing at tracks in Council Bluffs and Dubuque, Iowa.

 The Chamber of Commerce? Aren't they like the people who are all about business and stuff? Don't they realize what an opportunity they're throwing away here? What a profit center?

Senate Study Bill 1064, which would allow ending greyhound racing in Council Bluffs and Dubuque, would require the two casinos to pay a "relicensing fee" to the state totaling $10 million a year for seven years. Under the proposal, Horseshoe would pay $7.5 million annually and Dubuque's Mystique Greyhound Track would pay $2.5 million a year.

 Oh, so they're thinking they'll get more money if they don't have greyhound racing, huh? Well, a little harsh, sure but it's just business overlords. No need to take it personal or anything. Maybe they really like you, you know, individually and stuff. It's just your business they think is a loser. Come on, cheer up. Let's head to Florida, the center of greyhound racing in the United States. You're bound to get a warm welcome there.

Senate Bill 382 cleared the Regulated Industries Committee on a 6-4 vote. The measure, by Sen. Maria Sachs, D-Delray Beach, would allow dog tracks to discontinue greyhound racing while maintaining their gaming licenses.

 Hmm...so, on the bright side we've at least shown that the overlords do not suffer from paranoia because people really are out to get them. Glad we were able to help, right Rio Dude?

 Rio Dude gets along well with the other dogs in the home. He is good at giving them their space. He lies on his back and wants his belly rubbed. He has learned to do the stairs. He does well in his crate. He has not had any exposure to men or children. Rio Dude would do well with other dogs in the home or as an only dog. He would be fine in a single family home but would probably also do well in a family. Would do well in a home with well-behaved children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Presented Without Comment

Here is the panel of experts called before Representative Darrell Issa's government oversight committee to discuss the issue of women's reproductive rights and access to birth control.

Fox News! Motto: Hey, At Least We're Consistent

OK, we have a pretty good idea we know what goes on at Fox News editorial meetings. It has to be something like this:

Editor: All right, what are the stories we're looking at today?

Reporter #1: Well, Obama's approval ratings are up. In fact they've been trending up for a while now.

Editor: How long have you worked here?

Reporter #1: About a year or so.

Editor: If you want to keep working here I suggest you review the employee policies and procedures manual, particularly the section on covering minorities, the poor, immigrants and other people we don't like. What else we got?

Reporter #2: Well, it looks like the economy is getting better. Or at least people believe it is.

Editor: Right. And you think we're going to report something that directly contradicts our mission statement? Especially with an election coming up? You really need to pay more attention at staff meetings. OK, let's go with Saddam caused 9/11.

Reporter #2: Sir, with all due respect that's a bit of a stretch, even for us. Both President Bush and Vice President Cheney admitted that there was no evidence Saddam was involved in 9/11.

Editor: Look, people smart enough to figure out we say stupid things stopped taking us seriously years ago, so whatever we say, they'll ignore, and people too stupid to figure out we say stupid things are going to believe whatever we say because...well...they're stupid. More stupid than people who pay no attention at all, so, win win! Run it. Use Bolling. He gave up on his reputation a long time ago.

Mitch McConnell: Feminist Scholar

We're coming to you today from the No Girlz Allowed Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. NGA is a division of the They've Got Cooties Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Testosterone R Us, Inc.

Last week it was the Komen Foundation who decided that women, particularly poor women had had enough of the liberal commie health care and it was time stand up to the poverty lobby and say, look you need to buy your longevity in the free market just like everyone else who's not poor and can afford bulking up the insurance companies' bottom lines.

Well, that didn't work out so well for some reason. Maybe if Karen Handel had showed up to the press conference with a pink gun, things might have gone differently but she didn't and now the country is still saddled with the problem of having wimmens, and those wimmens having, you know, the issues that wimmens have.

OK, so this week we're going to have another go at dismantling  70 years of healthcare policy and who have we chosen to be our spokesman--you'll notice we said spokesman?  Why none other than Mitch McConnell.

Not satisfied with President Obama’s new religious accommodation, Republicans will move forward with legislation by Sen. Roy Blunt (R-MO) that permits any employer to deny birth control coverage in their health insurance plans, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said Sunday.

Now you're probably thinking, Mitch McConnell speaking on women's health issues? What, was Larry Flynt unavailable? Well, you have a point because asking Mitch McConnell to speak this topic is like asking Rick Santorum to explain the difference between prescription drug policy and a iPad, but what are you going to do? It's not like women willing to speak against their own best interests are falling out of the trees around here, unless you count Sarah Palin who's willing to talk about anything, but since no one really understands anything she says, it's not really the way to go.

So it's Mitch into the fray with legislation that is completely contrary to to the reality of 99% of the women in this country. See, this is what the republicans mean when they talk about the 1%.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, you know it has been fun. We've had a pretty good run here in the marbled halls of IM Central making fun of the overlords--not a challenging task mind you--but still, something to do while the Stoli chilled. But that's all over now. That ship has sailed. That train has left the station. That dog don't run no more, if fact, it's dead. Oh see, there we go again. And that's why the overlords have started their own blog, a blog which will

detail the half-truths and outright lies of the radical animal rights group Grey2k.

 Dang. And just when we'd been stocking up on the half truths. They go twice as far as the outright lies you know. More bang for your deceptive buck. OK, so you got us. What's your plan?

We have tried, too frequently, to be kind in the face of our attackers. We've tried to tell them the logic.

Oh tell it sister! Tell that logic! Get right up there in Satan's face and tell, tell, tell. Uh, we mean Grey2K's face that is. Tomato, tomahto. You can see how we could become confused. Anyway let's get us some TELLING going on up in here! Oops. Excuse us.  In a kindly way, of course.

We've tried to describe the very basis of everything we do.

OK, that part we got. It's all about the Benjamins, man.  The bread, bucks, clams, milk, dosh, dough, frogskins, duckets, greenbacks, scrilla, loot, bones, coin, folding stuff, honk, lolly, lettuce, filthy lucre, moolah, paper, that long green with a short future.

Surely, it is the dogs we love that are the foundation of the messages we carry.

Um...you're going to have to get logic to tell us that one again. The dogs are the foundation of the message you carry? Then why aren't you out there running around the track breaking your legs and fracturing your skulls and stuff?

They say we "torture" our racers, but we haven't it in us to torture the very people who call us names.

Wait. We're confused. Are you saying you torture your dogs because you can't get away with torturing the people who call you names?  Man. Whatever logic is telling us there, it must be speaking Chinese or something because we're just not getting the message.

We ARE our dogs!

Um...well, OK, but don't tell Ronnie Williams. At least not unless law enforcement is close by.

The paragraphs above are from Betty Zubritsky. She describes how we think & feel, most especially about the dogs. We live for the dogs; we die for the dogs.

 Yeah, uh...Betty? We're afraid you have that backwards. It's the dogs that die for you, both on the track and when they don't generate profit anymore. We can see how you might become confused, but there's an easy way to tell. See, at the end of the day, you're alive and they aren't. Hope we cleared that up.

Grey2K would have you believe that people enter into greyhound racing to kill dogs. They don't.

Right. You can't believe anything those animal rights wackos say. The fact that dogs are killed is just a side effect, a cost of doing business. You know, omelet, eggs. Stuff like that.

Grey2K would have you believe that the people involved in racing are only in it to make a buck, to exploit the dogs.  They aren't. Exploitation implies that the people involved in racing have no feelings for the dogs.

Oh yeah Betty! You go girl! Everybody knows the overlords have deep feelings for their dogs. Right up to the day the dogs stop making money and they kill them, sell them for medical research or dump them on a rescue group. God, where do these Grey2K people get the nerve?

Betty came into greyhounds when she met her first one in 1995. That chance encounter changed her life. At that time, Betty knew squat about racing. However, she saw the documentaries, the ones that showed the abuses, the horror stories, the media versions of greyhound racing that tugged at the heartstrings and opened up the wallets of the general public.

Wait. The media is showing versions of greyhound racing that opens up the wallets of the general public? We didn't know PBS was doing a pledge drive. What did she see, Sesame Street goes to Ebro or something?

With some prodding from 'pro-racing folks', Betty decided to do her own research on greyhound racing. She learned about the outdated video footage, much of which was from other countries and not the USA.

 Ha! Gotcha Grey2K meddlers. You want us to believe that this is from the Tucson track and it was filmed last summer, but upon closer examination Betty discovered that it was really made on a small island in the Caribbean in 1632. If you look closely you can see the masts of the pirate Blackbeard's ship in the background.

Betty took the lead and ran with it! She set off to learn the truth. She got a job on a greyhound farm in Abilene, KS.  She says this about her first employer, "Mary may not have been the most charming of employers (ok, she was a brute), but her dogs were meticulously tended. Her kennels were spotlessly clean. Her whelping stalls were even cleaner. The dogs were permitted to pounce us with wild abandon. No hand could be raised; no voice could be raised; no rake could be swung. Even swearing at them was a crime, punishable by....  well, there was a pretty stead turnover of help on that farm. But, the dogs were first.   THE DOGS WERE FIRST!"

 All righty then. Say Betty, would a car-maker take a sledge hammer to the new cars coming down the line? Would Sears toss your new washer dryer set out of the back of their delivery truck as they drove by your house? Would the sales person at J C Penny blow her nose on your new blouse before she put it in the bag? See, Mary's making the trailer payment with sales of these dogs, so she's not going to do anything to, you know, damage the merchandise. Just saying it isn't your strongest argument, that's all. What else you got?

After an 11 month stint on Mary's farm, she continued her research, finding a job at the track in Kansas City and staying there for 3 years.  In that time, she learned about keeping the kennels clean, keeping the turnouts peaceful and calming, and how to respect the dogs.

Umm...Betty? If Mary was a stickler about clean cages and stuff, but you apparently didn't learn about that until after you worked there, that might explain why she was such a brute as a boss. Just a thought.

She then moved on to the Woodlands racetrack. When The Woodlands closed, she went to "the Valley", Victoryland, Gulf Park, Jacksonville, Wheeling, and Southland.

OK, so far we've learned that Betty is a slow learner and she has trouble keeping a job.  When do we get to the "half-truths and outright lies of the radical animal rights group Grey2k?"

Betty states, "Simple logic describes that if I couldn't stumble on Greyhound abuse with that many venues on my resume, it's probably a very rare occurrence."

Oh, Jebus Betty, why didn't you say so? We see your problem. You've been working with simple logic which is Logic's second cousin, and frankly not the brightest bulb on the Logic family tree (hence the "simple") See,  if you'd been dealing with Logic, it would have told you you just committed the fallacy of faulty generalization, or maybe you could have just talked to Cathy Street who recently wrote on the Greyhounds Forever Facebook page:

Ya'll need to keep moving west on the Panhandle. PE is still euthanizing perfectly healthy dogs. We try to take every one of them but track politics betwn trainers makes that impossible for us. We also have more dogs than I'd like to think about that have just "dropped off the grid" No clue at all what happened to them, I have a guess but no proof.

Hey Connie, you ever run into Betty? Seems she's worked just about everyplace.

Bally’s Connie is a very friendly, loving, happy girl. She is a Velcro dog…she loves to follow her foster all over the house. She does fine with older children but needs supervision with younger children due to her excitability. She does well with the other dog in the home. She does not do well in the crate. She does very well on walks. Bally’s Connie would do well as an only dog or in a home with others. She would do well in a single family home or in a home with older children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Is That Oil In Your Pipeline, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

So we're thinking that after the people at the Large Hadron Collider find the Higgs Boson and they decide to further investigate the Fermion Field in search of that elusive lepton that causes the neurons in someone's brain to fire without a coherent stimulus, they'll have to look no further than Louie Gohmer. Uh...excuse us. Gohmert. Louie Gohmert. It's probably a common mistake. Frequent reader(s) of this blog have long since made peace with the cold specter of capitulation...erm...we mean will remember Louie from earlier pages in this blog, but now he's back and even more randomly stimulated than before.

Gohmert launched into a lecture during a meeting of the House Natural Resources committee meeting last week about the need to protect the poor caribou. But here’s the catch — the evil force against which he wants to defend the creatures is the halting of the flow of oil through the pipeline. That, he says, would be akin to throwing cold water on what sounds like a randy spring-break party happening around Alaska’s caribou population.

 Louie, Louie, Louie. Is everything about sex with you? What are you, catholic or something?

It seems that Gohmert is also something of an expert on animal husbandry. Here’s his theory: The caribou very much enjoy the warmth the pipeline radiates. “So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline,” he informed his colleagues. It’s apparently the equivalent of being wined and dined.

Now, admittedly that sounds a little strange on first reading, but it makes perfect sense if you realize that since the youth center closed down there in Skagway there just hasn't been a Caribou friendly venue in the general area where the kids could, you know, mingle.

Rep. Don Young, who was seated at his elbow, could barely contain his laughter. The Alaska Republican — who we can assume knows a bit more about caribou than his colleague from Texas — wasn’t entirely convinced that Gohmert knew what he was talking about. “I’m not sure it’s warmth of the pipeline,” Young weighed in.

Oh that's the generation gap talking right there. Leave it to some old to assume he knows what  motivates the young. Don't let him get away with it Louie.

Gohmert was adamant in his theory. “It sounds like they need the pipeline,” he said.

 Yeah Louie, you tell 'em. Rangifer tarandus represent! The buck stops with you, man. The Caribou buck that is.

All Your Vaginas Are Belong to Us

OK, now here's an odd headline: Catholic League Poised To Go To War With Obama Over Mandatory Birth Control Payments. You'd think if there was anyone who would object to having their agenda characterized as a "war" it'd be religious folks. You know there's that whole love your neighbor thing. Plus do unto others...isn't that like the Prime Directive or something? We haven't been to mass in a while so we may have missed a memo or two. Anyway, let's go see what's up.

“Never before, unprecedented in American history, for the federal government to line up against the Roman Catholic Church,” said Catholic League head Bill Donohue.

Oh. Bill Donohue. Why didn't you say so. What is it Bill?  Some one else trying to suggest that boinking the choirboys is not in the bible?

Catholic leaders are furious and determined to harness the voting power of the nation’s 70 million Catholic voters to stop a provision of President Barack Obama’s new heath car reform bill that will force Catholic schools, hospitals and charities to buy birth control pills, abortion-producing drugs and sterilization coverage for their employees.

Um...Bill? Might want to rethink unleashing the power of 70 million Catholic voters when it comes to birth control. Just a thought.

The latest data shows practices of Catholic women are in line with women of other religious affiliations and adult American women in general. "In real-life America, contraceptive use and strong religious beliefs are highly compatible," said the report's lead author Rachel Jones.

"In real life America" huh? Wonder where Bill lives.

Donohue said Catholic officials will stop at nothing to put a stop to it.“This is going to be fought out with lawsuits, with court decisions, and, dare I say it, maybe even in the streets,” Donohue said.

Whoa. OK, Mr. President, we were just thinking we'd goof on old Bill for a while, but he's serious. You'd do well to pay attention here. If not...well look what he did to Miller Brewing, and Wal-Mart. You remember those companies don't you? Plus movies like the Golden Compass and The Ledge, but you probably never saw those because they disappeared from the theaters so quickly.

Catholic leaders hope they will have more sway with the White House than usual because it is a presidential election year, hoping that if even a small percentage of Catholics back Obama’s opponent it could cost him the election.

Yeah, let's puzzle that one out, shall we Bill? You want Obama to join with an organization trying to limit access to healthcare for women, change his mind and take away access he's already promised, or make sure women still have access. What to do, what to do? Oh we know, let's ask the folks at the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

American bishops are contemplating a massive march on Washington, using people and school kids bused in from all over to protest the law.

Hmm...If we're parents and the Bishops come and say lend us your kids for a while we're thinking that's probably gonna be a no go.

Hoekstra For Senate: It's The White Thing To Do

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the coming hope of spring is just another step in the slow march to dissolution...erm...we mean know that the marbled halls of IM Central are firmly ensconced in the Great Lake State, the Pleasant Peninsula, the Water Winter Wonderland, the corroded buckle on the rust belt..oops...forget that last one. Don't want Clint Eastwood coming over here and making his day on our backside.

Our point is that as card carrying Michganders we have the unique privilege of sharing the state with one Peter Hoekstra whom we've written about before. Now, old Petey is currently running against current Senator Debbie Stabenow, having lost out to "One Tough Nerd" Rick (Smile as you twist the knife) Snyder in the most recent race for governor.

For those of you unfamiliar with the ins and outs of the electoral process, there are two senators from each state and they represent and are elected by the residents of said state. OK so far? Good. So you figure as the ostensible candidate of the loyal opposition you're going to have to convince a majority of the voters in the state in which you reside that you are the better choice. Therefore you embark on a campaign to educate the aforementioned voters as to your excellence.

This, of course costs money, and unless you're Mitt Romney you don't have unlimited funds, so you look for ways to maximize your exposure to those tasked with voting while minimizing your costs so as to maintain your viability over the long campaign.

Unless you're Pete Hoekstra of course, then you pay $150,000 to take out an ad on the Superbowl and flaunt your racism for the whole world to see.


OK, so you're thinking, Hey Ironicus, we're not political scientists or anything but wouldn't there be millions more people who couldn't vote for Hoekstra because they don't live in Michigan watching the Superbowl than people who actually, you know live in the state?

Why yes, yes there would, which kind of makes you wonder whose advising Hoekstra, David Duke? Anyway, aside from the financial questionability of the ad (and its equally bigoted companion website) one has to wonder why Hoekstra chose to kick off his campaign for the senate by alienating a large portion of the public, as in these folks, these folks, these folks, oh and...um...these folks too.

We know, let's ask him.

Hoekstra defended the ad, calling it a "home run" during an interview Monday with Detroit radio WJR-AM's Paul W. Smith. He said it's only "insensitive" to the spending philosophy of Stabenow and Democratic President Barack Obama.

 Well, there it is then. Surely with that clear of an explanation the public will see the ad as it was intended.

A barrage of criticism hit Hoekstra's Facebook page early Sunday evening, but most of the negative comments were deleted by Monday morning. On YouTube, the ratings buttons on the ad were disabled after it aired, although another copy of the ad placed there by others was getting a mostly negative response.

 And there, in a nutshell is what's wrong with America today. It's reactions like that that lead to a black man getting into the White House in the first place, right Pete?

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, green shoots and stuff huh? Looks like the economy is improving a little if you can say going from apocalyptic ruin to bleak depression is an improvement. No wonder the Mittbot doesn't care about the poors...Happy days are here again.

Well, a rising tide floats all boats right? So even the overlords must be feeling hope growing like the brightening pink glow of the sun, heralding a new day. Or maybe what they're feeling is their feet getting wet, because their boat? A little leaky if you take our point.

No matter. The economy, like we said. Soon the rubes will be flocking back to the tracks and the long awaited renaissance of greyhound racing will have arrived. Then we'll be plugging those holes with dollar bills, right boys? But we have to get ready. We have to be prepared for the crowds that are about to be unleashed on us. Get it? Unleashed? See we're talking about dogs here, so leashes? Never mind. What's up Volusia county?

The Volusia County Council decided to hold off on deciding if they want a referendum on the question of slot machines in county pari-mutuels, places where betting is allowed.

Slots? OK, well yeah, slots are a thing, but we're interested in what is going to happen to the greyhound racing tracks. What's first on the agenda? Expand the parking lot? Build a bigger clubhouse?

Those in the greyhound business, like Todd Byers, says if tracks get slots then they could be out of a job. Byers heads the Daytona Beach Greyhound Association.

Or add more races. We forgot about add more races because...wait. Out of a job? How you figure that?

Daniel Francati, the general manager with the Daytona Beach Kennel Club and Poker Room said his company has no plans to end live greyhound racing at its track. Yet Byers thinks if slots are introduced, the track owners will have no other financial incentive to keep live racing.

  No financial incentive? What the heck does that mean? We're talking greyhound racing here man, greyhound racing! Greyhound racing is recognized as one of the nation's largest spectator sports by the The American Greyhound Track Operators Association. You need to get your head on straight. No financial incentive, what a load.

There's no question most of Florida's dog tracks are losing money on their greyhound races.It could be a lot worse for the tracks if not for the 4.7 million dollars in subsidies they get every year from Tallahassee.

 Oh, no way. No freakin' way. The greyhound industry pays its own way, man. Just ask them. There's got to be some kind of problem with the way the system operates in Florida, some glitch or bureaucratic mess up. There's profits out there, we just know it. Oh, we've got it, let's go look at another state. A state where the system is operating efficiently. How about Arizona?

Arizona is one step closer to ending greyhound racing. Last week saw the passage of House Bill 2536,which will significantly reduce the number of days that live greyhound racing is required for a track to also operate simulcast betting.

There. See what happens when you have cooperation between the industry and government. You get mutually beneficial...wait, what? In the Senate you say? Oh. Uh...well. Hey, how about Iowa? In Iowa the gambling industry tried to bribe the state to end greyhound racing, but the heroes in the legislature resisted them, realizing what a good deal they had going for the citizens of the Hawkeye state by having greyhound racing. Now there's a system that's got to be operating on all cylinders.

A renewed $70 million battle to allow casinos to end greyhound racing moved ahead Wednesday in the Iowa Senate.

Dang. OK Pat we give up. You got anything?

Pat C Heya is a very happy, affectionate little girl. She loves to go for walks and play with her stuffies. She is your typical “couch potato.” She does well in her crate. She is friendly with strangers. Pat C Heya would do well as an only dog or with others. She would do well in a single-family home or a family. She has not had any exposure to children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Hey, You Think Free Enterprise Is Free?

Full disclosure: We here in the marbled halls of IM Central are card carrying members of the XY chromosome club. That being said, we'd like to weigh in on the Susan G Komen, Planned Parenthood brouhaha.

First of all, when you hire a person who hates Planned Parenthood to be your vice president, you shouldn't be surprised when bad things happen to Planned Parenthood. We mean, come on. When she was running for governor of Georgia Karen Handel said:

Handel has made no bones about her anti-abortion -- and anti-Planned Parenthood -- position. In a July 2010 blog post, Handel explained, "since I am pro-life, I do not support the mission of Planned Parenthood ... In fact, state and federal law prohibits the use of taxpayer funds for abortions or abortion related services and I strongly support those laws. Since grants like these are from the state I’ll eliminate them as your next Governor."

OK, so the people of Georgia were smart enough not to elect her, but The Komen Foundation? Apparently not so much. Pay attention ladies.

So according to the Komen people, the real reason they ended their relationship with Planned Parenthood was because they were under investigation:

"Komen spokeswoman Leslie Aun said the cutoff results from the charity's newly adopted criteria barring grants to organizations that are under investigation by local, state or federal authorities. According to Komen, this applies to Planned Parenthood because it's the focus of an inquiry launched by Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla., seeking to determine whether public money was improperly spent on abortions."

OK Susan, may we call you Susan? How about Bank of America, also under investigation. Last time we checked it was still all Chamomile tea and cranberry scones out in the sun parlor between you two. Oh, and would that be the same Bank of America that made donations to Planned Parenthood? Why yes, yes it would.

So what's the real story here? Come on, come clean.

In a statement posted on its website and a video on YouTube late Wednesday, Komen said its action had been "mischaracterized" so the organization needed to "set the record straight."
In the video, Nancy G. Brinker, who founded and leads the organization, said that the decision was made as part of a broad effort to use donations more efficiently.

Efficiency huh? Well, hard to argue with that, we mean it is a business and all, costs and whatnot, so you've got to...wait a minute...wait just a minute...this is brilliant...this is...oh man, business colleges all over the country will be studying this for years.

Look, the Komen foundation's product is breast cancer right? No breast cancer, no need for Komen. So the board looks down the road and asks itself, how can we preserve market viability? Well, one way to do that is to make sure breast cancer stays around and what better way to do that than to make sure the women who are most likely to get it anyway because they are poor and lack basic healthcare are given some...erm...how to say this politely...extra challenges to overcome thus ensuring an ongoing supply of customers and a continuing need for pink  runs, walks, days, teas, bake sales, whatever.

Now that's the entrepreneurial spirit right there. That's the return to the belief in free enterprise all the republican candidates are saying we've lost in this country. America is back baby!