Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Girl Scouts! Motto: Всегда готов!*

You know, it's getting so we can't tell the difference between stories that actually appear in the lamestream media and the ones that leap from the dissolute and vaguely frightening environs of the Maximus subconscious in the Stoli fueled semi-delusional sessions we like to call "writing on this blog." Take the following sentence for example:
Next time you buy a box of Tagalongs, you might be helping to fund an abortion.
Now, frequent reader(s) of this blog would not be surprised if Jesus came back and said it had all been a joke that had gone badly...erm...we mean if we admitted to penning the aforementioned line, but the truth is it came from an actual story taken from an actual newspaper and reported in an actual site created by actual people from the actual world.

And not only that, it's the result of the actions of an actual person.
Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris (R) wants to kill a resolution honoring the Girl Scouts because they are a “radicalized organization” that promotes “homosexual lifestyles” and funds Planned Parenthood.
Yeah, the Girl Scouts fund Planned Parenthood. Well, now we know why the price of cookies went up this year. So tell us, representative Morris, how did you figure out that an organization with Laura Bush and Elizabeth Dole in its membership is a hotbed of radical girl scout on girl scout action?
Morris said he would refuse to support a resolution celebrating 100 years of the organization because “after talking to some well-informed constituents, I did a small amount of web-based research, and what I found is disturbing.”
OK any constituent of yours who doesn't run screaming from the room as soon as you enter is by definition not well informed, but please, since everything on the interwebs is true, do go on and tell us what your "small amount of web-based research" found that was so disturbing.
[T]he Girl Scouts of America and the World Association of Girl Guides “have entered into a close strategic affiliation with Planned Parenthood,” though “you will not find evidence of this on the GSA/WAGGGS website—in fact, the websites of these two organizations explicitly deny funding Planned Parenthood.”
So the Girl Scouts of America and the World Association of Girl Guides don't have anything on their web sites about funding Planned Parenthood because they deny funding Planned Parenthood. Yes, something is definitely afoot there. But tell us of this "close strategic affiliation" you discovered.
...abundant evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood,” Morris wrote.
"Sexualizing young girls huh? OK we may have to give this one to representative Bob because, see he owns the Healthkick Nutrition Centers franchise in his district. They sell Chrysin Extreme which "Supports Healthy Hormones and Promotes A Vigorous Libido" so apparently he knows something about sexualizing.
“In fact, the Girl Scouts education seminar girls are directed to study the example of role models. Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background - all the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists.”
Hmm...well, he might have us there too. We mean, you take such well known feminists, lesbians, and Communists like the aforementioned Elizabeth Dole and Laura Bush, factor in people like Katie Coric and Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore, Chelsea Clinton and Lynda Carter add the Girl Scouts' partnership with the Disney Company, that hotbed of socialism, mix in a pledge that promises to "use resources wisely," and "make the world a better place" and it's pretty obvious what's going on here.

As a personal aside, we can't tell you how sad it makes us to find out Lynda Carter is a lesbian. We can't tell you how many nights we spent glued to the Tee Vee when we were young Ironicii wishing she would tie us up with the golden lasso and...well, let's just say it was So much better than the Sears catalog.

We apologize representative Bob. At first we thought you were just another one of those crazy, wackaloon, republican, fly farts popping up all over the country, but facts are facts, especially when they come from the Internet.

*Be Prepared. Also the motto of the Young Pioneers of the Soviet Union. Coincidence? Representative Bob thinks not.

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