Thursday, February 09, 2012

Is That Oil In Your Pipeline, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

So we're thinking that after the people at the Large Hadron Collider find the Higgs Boson and they decide to further investigate the Fermion Field in search of that elusive lepton that causes the neurons in someone's brain to fire without a coherent stimulus, they'll have to look no further than Louie Gohmer. Uh...excuse us. Gohmert. Louie Gohmert. It's probably a common mistake. Frequent reader(s) of this blog have long since made peace with the cold specter of capitulation...erm...we mean will remember Louie from earlier pages in this blog, but now he's back and even more randomly stimulated than before.
Gohmert launched into a lecture during a meeting of the House Natural Resources committee meeting last week about the need to protect the poor caribou. But here’s the catch — the evil force against which he wants to defend the creatures is the halting of the flow of oil through the pipeline. That, he says, would be akin to throwing cold water on what sounds like a randy spring-break party happening around Alaska’s caribou population.
 Louie, Louie, Louie. Is everything about sex with you? What are you, catholic or something?
It seems that Gohmert is also something of an expert on animal husbandry. Here’s his theory: The caribou very much enjoy the warmth the pipeline radiates. “So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline,” he informed his colleagues. It’s apparently the equivalent of being wined and dined.
Now, admittedly that sounds a little strange on first reading, but it makes perfect sense if you realize that since the youth center closed down there in Skagway there just hasn't been a Caribou friendly venue in the general area where the kids could, you know, mingle.
Rep. Don Young, who was seated at his elbow, could barely contain his laughter. The Alaska Republican — who we can assume knows a bit more about caribou than his colleague from Texas — wasn’t entirely convinced that Gohmert knew what he was talking about. “I’m not sure it’s warmth of the pipeline,” Young weighed in.
Oh that's the generation gap talking right there. Leave it to some old to assume he knows what  motivates the young. Don't let him get away with it Louie.
Gohmert was adamant in his theory. “It sounds like they need the pipeline,” he said.
 Yeah Louie, you tell 'em. Rangifer tarandus represent! The buck stops with you, man. The Caribou buck that is.

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