Welcome to the Newsroom at IM Central, where we monitor the world for you. Well, when the cable is working anyway. And if we haven't stepped out for a refresh of our adult beverage. Oh, and naps. Love the naps. Hey, it's not like you're paying us for this you know. What do you think this is, CNN? Wait, do they pay those guys? Seems like a network run by interns to us. We mean, "Nail Polish May Tip Off Politics"? How do you research a story like that? Oh wait, they only research comedy sketches. OK, how about "Mom's Struggling With Rising Prices"? Ya think genius? Also, too, Anderson Cooper.
Where were we? Oh yeah, headline news, Ironicus style:
Poll: 70% Of Tea Partiers Oppose Cuts To Medicare, Medicaid
Fear reduced benefits if government takes over programs.
PolitiFact Insists Republicans Don't Want To End Medicare
In other news, PolitiFact to announce "proof" that sun revolves around the earth.
Brewer Vetoes Birther Bill In Arizona
"It's time people went back to laughing at Texas," the governor told reporters.
Sean Hannity To Host Special Report On Media Bias For Fox News
Pot? Meet kettle.
This has been the first edition of Headline News While We're Still Sober. We expect to be added to Wolf Blitzer's show anytime now. Next week we open an investigative unit: Rain Makes Things Wet. Nature or Al Qaeda? Stay tuned.